I mis my midwives - anxious and sad

[AOMum14]

Hello,

A bit of backstory about me - I lost my DS at 33 weeks in 2022, had DD1 in 2023 and DD2 in 2025. I also have found out in the last few years that I am a carrier of BRCA1 which increases my chance of certain cancers. Due to my existing health anxiety, made worse from my BRCA1 diagnosis and losing my son, I have found pregnancy extremely hard, struggled with my anxiety and often felt something was wrong with me or my baby.

Luckily, I have been gifted with the most amazing care. My routine midwife has been the same throughout all my pregnancies, my consultant has given me so much extra time and the midwives at my local hospital who run a 24/7 service where you can call or go in anytime (even the middle of the night), have been amazing.

Everyone welcomed me and supported me. They all took time to learn my name and learn my story. They never judged me. They would say stuff like "you are so brave and you are doing so well" "you are never a burden" "it makes sense why you feel this way". I could call up and ask to come in for a check over to calm my anxiety or even call in the middle of the night where they would reassure me. "Go to sleep lovely, nothing is wrong and if you are still worried come in the morning, we'd rather you see us than stay at home worrying".

Now I'm almost 28 days postpartum with my DD2 who is my last baby and I am going to be signed off. A huge part of my support system is going to go and these midwives which have been such a huge part of my life for the last 4 years are just going disappear from my life forever. I'm really upset and scared - they make me feel so so safe and I am going to miss them.

I raised this with my midwife who said not to forget that I still have my GP and peri-natal mental health team. The problem is, I'm a hypochondriac and my GP surgery hates me (understandably). They don't react with understanding - they literally question why I'm there. I always leave embarrased. They haven't taken time (they are very overworked I know) to learn about me and the huge life events that have happened that have caused my mental health to struggle.

My peri-natal mental health person is also useless. I often tell her about my worries or feelings and it seems that unless I'm about to unalive myself, they are happy to keep me plodding along. Luckily, I am not struggling to that degree but it feels I am shut down for not struggling enough.

Next week, if I wake in the night worried about a postpartum symptom or my baby, I won't have anyone to call. I won't have a kind words given to me from a recognisable voice to comfort me and talk logic into my brain.

If you are a midwife out there, you are amazing! There is no other group of professionals out there in my experience that have ever made me feel so safe.

Has anyone else felt the same?

Sounds like your midwives were amazing, so it’s understandable.

Have you considered getting a therapist? From what you are describing, what you really crave is a therapeutic relationship.

I am so sorry for your first pregnancy loss. I cannot imagine going through that.
What support have you had with learning how to manage your anxiety long term? I am thinking of Cbt self talk type strategies.
It sounds like the midwives gave you a wonderful dose of sympathy and reassurance each time you talked to them. But has anyone taught you how to do that for yourself? How to talk yourself down from your fears? Ideally that is a part of what your peri natal mental health person should be doing with you.
And have you considered medication to balance your brain chemistry? It can make a huge difference.

I agree with the previous poster. You should look to replace the midwives with a therapist or counsellor. I loved the midwives I had too and miss it in a way but, in the kindest way, the level you’re describing doesn’t sound normal.

I have had the same therapist since losing my son and she is amazing. She is also expensive so I often don't reach out if I am struggling outside our sessions. I am seeing a new counsellor soon but they can only offer me a few slots but should hopefully help!

That's basically what I need to do - I am currently on sertraline, have therapy and soon starting CBT. It's bloody tough sometimes! Thank you for your kind words x

Get yourself a subscription to Cleo. Whenever I needed advice it was a good place to go. And they help with both kids and your own wellbeing

I agree. I never even spoke to a midwife outside of the normal appointments when pregnant with my son and then BAM, I couldn't do it without extra support. It's defiantly not been a normal journey at all. They probably are relieved to be rid of me!

I think what I miss is the understanding. I know what I need to do to get better and I am working bloody hard to do it. But sometimes I just need a cuddle and someone to boost me up and that's what they did for me. And it'd just weird having the same person in your life and for them to just be gone

I'm sorry for your loss and the difficult times you have been through. I don't know where you live but if you're in Scotland have you heard of Latnem?