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Parenting

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School arrangements on non-resident parents contact time

7 replies

randomraindrop · 03/03/2025 19:52

Just wondering how people manage school drop offs and pick up with the other parent?

I've had a long hard battle with my ex over contact time, he cannot have the children much because of work (I also work full time): everything is always set up to suit him and his new life and the kids have to fit in around that. 2 years of promising to have an overnight in the week it's finally happening. The reason it's taken so long is because he wanted to drop the kids home at 6am and I said no, he needs to drop them at breakfast club and pay for it like I do everyday!
Because of the extra overnight it takes him to the next bracket in terms of maintenance payments, I agreed to the reduction months ago but various excuses followed how he can't afford it (he can afford it, he just can't budget/prioritise). I finally relented and agreed to less than the suggested monthly amount.

However he wants me to collect them from school on his day and wait for him to finish work to collect them. I don't do the school pick up, I use a mix of family/friends and afterschool club. The night he chose happens to be afterschool club.

When he has them who should collect from school/organise/pay for the childcare that evening and the following morning? He's adamant I have to as I get maintenance but he's lowered that in order to have them so surly he should have to pay the bill?

He has them Saturday-Sunday every other weekend and now potentially 1 night in the week. I don't want to have to rush back from work like I do every day to pick them up.. he doesn't have them often and I'd like the make the most of the time he does as it's exhausting having a 4&5yr old alone!

Half of me wants to suck it up and just make it happen, the other half of me thinks he's absolved form all the tough parts of parenting so why should I do so much to facilitate him seeing them.

What's the norm? What do others do?

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 03/03/2025 19:56

Do you get any help with your childcare? Like tax free childcare or UC? Can this be passed onto him? He’s clearly not going to let you have it all so I’d compromise somewhere

Doyoumind · 03/03/2025 19:58

Of course it's responsibility to make arrangements and cover any costs. As long as you know safe arrangements will be made, leave him to it.

Shelby2010 · 03/03/2025 20:03

The reduction in CM is to cover the increase in his costs ie childcare & food. He organises & pays.

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Fitzcarraldo353 · 03/03/2025 20:05

Shelby2010 · 03/03/2025 20:03

The reduction in CM is to cover the increase in his costs ie childcare & food. He organises & pays.

Exactly. The money he saved by paying you less is to be used on coats while he has them. That's the point of the reduction this day, his cost.

LuckysDadsHat · 03/03/2025 20:06

He should collect after school or pay for childcare and he should drop off the following morning and pay for breakfast club if needed.

He is mugging you off with reducing the CM but not paying for anything. It's in his contact time so he pays for it.

randomraindrop · 03/03/2025 20:21

No I don't get any benefits, only child benefit. Both in school so no childcare contributions.

He says his contact time isn't until 5.30 when he collects them so until 5.30 they're in my care so I have to pay. But that's set to suit him and not supporting me at all as the main parent.

It's been such a battle to get to this point, it always comes down to money and basically, slotting them into his normal routine whereas I obviously have to adapt to theirs!

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 03/03/2025 21:17

randomraindrop · 03/03/2025 20:21

No I don't get any benefits, only child benefit. Both in school so no childcare contributions.

He says his contact time isn't until 5.30 when he collects them so until 5.30 they're in my care so I have to pay. But that's set to suit him and not supporting me at all as the main parent.

It's been such a battle to get to this point, it always comes down to money and basically, slotting them into his normal routine whereas I obviously have to adapt to theirs!

It’s worth looking into tax free childcare anyway.

He is an idiot and I get your frustration, if you put your foot down will he give in? Or will he just not do the overnight?

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