Toddler, baby & dog juggle

[startinsometing]

I feel awful writing this, but since having my first child 2 years ago, I have found my dog extremely overstimulating and the juggle of dog and baby is more difficult than I ever anticipated.

We had our dog for 3 years before having a child, and I have always found it a challenge but he brought us a lot of joy.

I am expecting baby number 2 and due in 5 months and already dreading the juggle I am going to face between dog, toddler and baby.

I don't want to rehome him, we made a commitment to have a dog and he is part of our family. And for the record, we love our dog dearly.

I need tips for how overwhelming I am finding it....it could be a mixture of hormones and feeling like the mental load is forever growing, but it is constant with our dog....finally sitting down on the sofa exhausted and suddenly dog has zoomies, dog wants to go outside, dogs barking at someone through the blinds, dogs being sick, dogs growling, dogs pawing at you for attention. Can't go out for longer than 4-5 hours at a time, and with children that feels even more restrictive. I feel like I am only seeing the negatives at the moment.

We are very lucky our families help out a lot but we can't depend on them all the time and I feel an enormous sense of guilt for putting on them all the time when it was our decision in the first place to get him. Very regular paid for dog care really adds up and we can't afford that.

Kind advice appreciated.

Rehome the dog and concentrate on your family. Having two will bring its own struggles, and a huge adjustment period. Let the dog go to a family more suited to it.

I think people just have this idea of the perfect family with a couple of kids + dog. Let go of that image and do what is right for your family (by that I mean you, partner and the two human little babies who will be relying on you). Be the best person you can be, which doesn't sound possible with the dog.

Awww we just watched lady and the tramp again recently and I felt sooo bad for lady! It’s so hard on the dog with a new baby.

We have a dog, a toddler and all being well baby 2 is on the way. I can really relate! Poor dog I think comes over to attention the minute I sit down, as he gets a bit ignored the rest of the day.

I know you said paid help is hard, but we did one walk a week with a walker for a while and it helped a lot- knowing he'd had a really fun trip out eased our guilt, and he was always knackered after. We did borrow my doggy for a while too which helped, a women and her kid walked him once a week which again meant we knew he'd had some focused attention.

Ultimately we are his family and this is just a period of his/our lives. He's a young dog and in a few years he'll have the benefit of best pals to throw his ball all afternoon for him.

I totally get this.
Things that helped me.
-husband took care of the dog whilst on paternity leave
-I dropped my eldest at nursery then got home and took the dog out for a long walk every day- it tired her out and made the rest of the day easier

• I got toys that provided mental stimulation, things frozen in kongs, rolling treats in a towel etc.
• I took her for another walk when my husband got home from work, gave me time to myself and burning more energy

Other suggestions- is there anyone that can help? Doggy daycare? Dog walker?

I don't think you need to rehome ❤️

Following OP...

I feel exactly the same, I have a 20 month old, 8 weeks pregnant with number 2, and have 2 dogs!

We rehomed them years before we even considered children, so there's no way we will re-home them either. But I echo all your concerns. I am jealous of my friends who can just pop out with their children when they feel like it, without having to think about the dogs and their walks, and stay out as long as they like.

And don't get me started on the anxiety that having a toddler, a newborn and 2 dogs and tackling a dog walk brings!! Arghhh it's hard enough now! I'm not quite sure what the answers are but I'm going to follow this post with eager ears.....x

Is toddler in any form of childcare during the week and, if so, will they be staying there when baby arrives?

We looked after my BILs dog when he was poorly abd DC1 was tiny. It wasn’t so bad as DC1 loved napping in the carrier and I went out for lots of walks, albeit near to my house so I could pop home to breastfeed. Granted, I know it’s not the same as the grind of long term dog ownership, but I was pleasantly surprised with how I coped in those few weeks.

However, the thought of trying to coordinate a newborn, a 2.5 year old and a dog brings me out in a cold sweat. If toddler is in childcare a few days a week could you afford a dog sitter for the other days while you find your feet?

You haven't mentioned your partner in all this. Is he able/willing to step up and deal with the dog and at weekends the dog and the toddler. Walks round the park for the 3 of them would be helpful for you surely and a walk for the dog before or after work for a while.. people manage with this scenario all the time incorporating dog walks with nursery/school runs but if you truly feel you can't cope then I suppose there is no other choice but to rehome your dog. Very unfair on the dog but if you can't cope you can't cope.

I can relate. We have a 3 year old and second due, plus 2 dogs neither of which are the relaxed and easy type!

Some practical suggestions which may help:

• dog walker whilst appreciate extra cost could be worth making sacrifices elsewhere if you can, to take some strain off even one or two days a week.

• look at your house set up and see how you can compartmentalise with stair gates so you don't have to have the dog in with you all the time but they aren't shut behind a door - this has made a huge difference for us.

• again set your house up so the dog doesn't have access to the front as much, reducing the reactive barking etc to people going past

• despite how hard it is, between you prioritise sufficient walking each day so the dog is well exercised. Think about what you need kit wise to enable you to do this with the baby, assuming you have some childcare for your older one?

• depending on what food he's on, consider trialling others of higher quality (doesn't necessarily equate to higher cost). Some of the lower cost options are packed with what are essentially additives for dogs and drive poor behaviour

It does add a lot of strain but as you say, you owe it to your dog to try. Our situation has definitely become very manageable and now enjoyable over the last few years, and I am worried about the boat being rocked again but I'm sure we'll find a way through! Good luck.

Oh other point to add. Work out locations where you can do a good walk with the dog off lead pretty much straight away, even if this means driving to get there. It took me ages to realise this was far easier and less stressful than trying to navigate a buggy and dogs on lead in town. It's worth the bit of effort to drive.

I sympathise with this! We have an almost 2 year old, I'm 6 months pregnant and two highly strung Labradors!! It can feel terribly overwhelming. I don't think it's uncommon at all to feel like lose a little love for your dog when a baby comes along and your cat overstimulated. A few of the mums in my NCT class said exactly this at the beginning and wanted to get rid of their dogs.
Echoing what a pp said. Dog gates have really helped some of the home stress, being able to keep dogs away when necessary.
Also I'm aware I'm very fortunate that we were able to keep the dogs away walker for my first maternity leave.
Prior to kids, the dogs were my whole world and I try to remember this, and also be very aware that the majority of time the dogs aren't the reason for me being stressed or overstimulated they are just the last straw.
Having something for enrichment would help too frozen kongs etc.