Wondering how to help my 15 year old son

[Ancientgardens]

Hi
I have 3 boys aged 9, 12 & 15. The eldest seems to be really struggling at the moment. He has a few school friends but doesn’t hang out with them at weekends and sometimes finds out they’ve made plans without him. He says he thinks they find him annoying. He doesn’t seem to have anyone that makes him happy or laugh a lot. He has a part time job, does well at school and does various after school activities. He’s had an incident with bullying recently but the school were great and helped to resolve it. Recently he’s been wanting to leave his football team as he thinks he’s no good and he thinks others blame him when things go wrong. He’s polite and kind outside of the house but can be quite mean to his brothers and complains they don’t include him in their games. His younger brothers have many friends and are often meeting up/having sleepovers etc. I feel that he comes across as a bit of a victim and when I try to suggest joining other clubs or trying new things to meet people he’s dismissive or finds a reason why it wouldn’t work. Increasingly he spends more time in his room and on his phone. He has time limits on apps and is not allowed his phone between 9pm and 7am. I see other teens around and about, doing things together at weekends and it makes me sad he doesn’t have anyone to do things with. He’s smart and funny but can be sensitive. We live near the sea but he’s not interested in doing any water related activities and it just feels like he’s a bit depressed. I’m not really sure what to do. I’ve tried organising activities for him, taking him to places but he always finds a way to complain. I’m wondering if he’s depressed. We try to be positive and praise the good as much as possible but I’m finding it harder to be positive when he’s so down on things and only wants to be on his phone. Just wondering if this is normal teen behaviour and I’m worrying over nothing and I just need to get a handle on myself and let him figure it out. If I try to talk to him about his increasingly phone usage he gets angry at me and thinks I’m always on at him. I’m a bit stuck. Help!

He could be depressed but the phone use won't help with that obviously.

Have you talked to him and asked him if he thinks he's depressed?

As for how he behaves out of the house, you don't know that he's kind and polite out of the house. You've said he's mean to his brothers. It could well be that he's being mean elsewhere too.

I'd have a chat with him about what plans he has after GCSEs what he thinks he could do to help him feel better generally

@Ancientgardens I'd also ask @MNHQ to move this over to the Teenagers Section where you're likely to get more responses

I feel you with every ounce of this.
My son is also 15 with a younger brother (who is forever getting on his nerves) always in his bedroom, gaming or on his phone and doing immensely well at school.He hardly ever goes out with his friends, when he does or has them round here he gets bored of having them here after a couple of hours and wants them to go home.
i have also tried to get him to take part in activities outside of the house but everything is a no, and god forbid I suggest a day out, I have ruined his life!
I am too trying to navigate this world I am in and support my son as best as I can, and wondering whether there is something more going on in his mind.
So I came here not to be able to provide you with any advice really, but to show support and let you know you are not on your own x