Care proceedings... section 20

[Sheenabeena87]

am in hospital with my newborn until Monday I have been advised to sign a section 20 I'm not even sure how it works I know they are looking to get an interim care order....I had one cp conference meeting 17th Jan and the plan never got started. My hair strand test came back positive for cocaine use (6months) I had a drink problem but haven't drank for 2 half years....it's not an excuse but my mental health was not good n some1 offered me the drug n I stupidly took it I haven't touched it for 3 weeks and with regular drug testing i am going to stay abstinence I'm determined to get my boy back...it wasn't going to court before the hair strand results as they said they didn't have enough....what are my chances of having him bk

You're right I should send her an empty message about how important her feelings are and how she tried her best (her last cocaine use was only weeks ago.)
Cause of course that's so much more helpful. Shes asking what to do, I gave a very valid answer and also advised she look at taking a bit more responsibility for her actions.

To consider putting her child up for adoption is a genuine consideration and tbh something a real loving parent would consider. I know a girl who did this because of a MH condition because she loved her daughter but couldnt give her the life she deserved.

When did the feelings of adults mean more than the actual welfare of a little baby? This is why so much child abuse and neglect isnt prevented because we are so worried about how the parents feel. Instead of just putting an end to things we just plow on and hope for the best.

Children inherently know who their mother is. Removing them should be the very last resort.

You maybe have a romanticized view of parents as well, as if just because you keep birth parents with their children all is well and good . Not everyone that can give birth is ready to be a parent. In fact there are plenty of people who abuse and neglect their own children and shouldnt be allowed anywhere near them. Theres also lots of couples would love to adopt. It's not as clear cut as "birth family is best." There would be plenty of children alive today if they had been removed from their birth families.

I think it's so sad to give this baby to another person to bond with for 6months and then pull baby away from their home and comforts just to give it back to birth mother who took cocaine whilst pregnant. This woman also has other kids who she didnt change her lifestyle for.

To me taking any sort of recreational drug whilst pregnant should really be the last chance. I've seen how this kids grow up when given back to these parents.

I cba arguing my view any further but anyone who works with kids who's parents have drug involvement in anyway, knows that this rarely works out well. Mum might change her lifestyle but you wouldve hoped that wouldve happened for her other children or during pregnancy. Raising a baby is very hard on MH and we all know resources arent great so mix in poor MH, drug abuse and lack of insight and this is a dangerous situation for that baby.

I can’t be bothered on a Saturday afternoon to have this debate either. Also work in this field. Also see kids who have been removed and kids who have not. It really isn’t as simple as removing and everything is grand.

No I hadn't had two phases I was doing it on off for about 5 months the hair strand test went bk 6 months sorry if I didn't make it clear

Are u even reading what I've wrote properly 🙄🤷‍♀️

I wonder why SS didn't work with you pre birth. Seems everything was left to the last minute.

Your poor poor children 😢

Yes exactly that

Oh I forgot to add I didn't loose custody of my other kids we never went to court it was a mutual arrangement and I share custody as much as I can apart from when I had this breakdown it's not as clear cut as u think

I haven't lost custody of my other children It was a mutual arrangement that they stay with dad for a while I could of asked to have them back but by then they were in a new school new house n everything they were settled so I didn't want to uproot them again not that I'm arsed what u think u clearly ate small minded n never had to go through anything like I have in life some my own fault some not and I am completely taking responsibility for everything I'm just asking for a chance to turn it around n I believe in myself even if u dont

Your social work isn't being judgemental nor is she out to get you, orders like these aren't just done on a whim and from what you've posted it appears there is clear reasons for the measures that have been put in place for the protection of your child. You've taken cocaine when pregnant and associating people using drugs, your other children don't live with you and vulnerable to domestic abuse. None of this sounds remotely suitable for a young baby to be brought up in.

I also suspect there is more to this story than you are saying.

Mental health does make people vulnerable and if your mental is health is poor and making you unable to say disassociate with people using hard drugs or say no then this obviously a concern this could happen again. It isn't enough when you have children to use blame drug use on mental health and expect it to not be taken into consideration.

My advice would be to work with agencies and whatever support you're offered.

The only thing I haven't disclosed on my post is about my shit childhood coz I didn't want to get into it I am willing to undergo therapy which I always been afraid of and my mental health was only in decline because of my medication being stopped it was a shock to be pregnant I was 18 weeks when I found out I'm actually quite stable ATM considering and I fully understand all their concerns I'm looking to move out of the area I'm in I'm just asking for a chance this is my last shot I just want a happier peaceful life with my son people can change and I'm ready it's going to be hard long journey but I'll get there for myself n children

If you're looking to move out of area, what about your other kids? When will you see them?

There is no way that anyone is going to be able to wrap up taking cocaine in pregnancy as good and it was only 3 weeks ago you used it last. You need to do a lot of hard work to prove yourself because at the moment, there is no reason they should trust you. It isn't about you and what you think fair but the safety and wellbeing of your soon to be born baby. That is all they care about and if you want any chance of keeping (or regaining) custody of this baby you will listen closely to what they want and do it., accessing any and all support you can.

@Sheenabeena87

You need to give your head a wobble

You're still blaming other people.

YOU made the choices you made to do what you have done and put yourself baby and your other children at risk

You say it's a private arrangement but I can almost guarantee if you were to ask for your kids bak your ex would say no

You're on the defensive but you're creating the issue.

Past traumas or not, you need to put your kids and baby first

Has there been any discussion about a supervised mum and baby placement (there may not have been because of the recent positive testing)? Realistically I think this is your best chance of staying with your baby in the short term but you need to work with your social worker.
Nobody is doing this to be awkward, everyone is trying to do the best thing for your baby.

How many times do I have to say I AM taking responsibility 🙄

With the greatest respect to you OP your baby is the important one here, and he must be put first. You've shown, by taking drugs during pregnancy, you can't put your baby first. You are an addict. You have a choice whether to take drugs or not, whilst in the womb your baby doesn't have that choice. Sign the order to ensure your DS gets good quality care whilst you are unable to provide it. In the meantime work hard to get off the drugs and if you are in a domestic violence situation leave your partner. If you got out of that situation you might not feel you need the drugs. Try to make a fresh start. You may be able to have supervised contact with your baby. What about your older DC? Get clean to get them back. A new baby puts parents under huge stress. SS will be worried if the baby puts you under stress, you might take drugs again. Work with your SW because the court will take that into account in the future when you go back to court to try to get your baby (and other DC) back.

Social services are there to make sure baby is safe. If something happened to your baby and it went into the newspapers there would be people up in arms about why didn't Social services do something when you were known to them, had positive drug tests, history or severe mental health issues etc etc.

You took drugs while pregnant. Which means you gave the baby cocaine as it crosses the placenta. It was dangerous (could have been laced with anything!), stupid (you know you have drug tests) and you knew that and you did it anyway. You know from your older two being a parent is difficult. The sleep deprivation, responsibility, relentlessness. The post natal hormones. If you take that baby home you're going to face more lows like the one where you turned to drugs just months ago.

To anyone else's eyes you as you are are a risk to that baby. You may think I'd never do anything to put the baby at risk but you have proved you would when you took drugs while pregnant. You'd have thought you would have done that before it happened either.

You're not a bad person but you're unwell and you need to ask yourself whether you're capable of being a good mum to that baby right now. Or do you need to do some really big work on yourself before you can be the mum that baby and your older kids deserve.

Who?
You haven't quoted anybody.

Where is babys father @Sheenabeena87? Could he parent his child instead of S20?

I am going to sign the S20 work really hard on myself and however long it takes go to court when I'm ready to be a mum properly

I've seen the other side. I care for a DC who has moderate to severe learning disabilities due to his biological mother taking drugs and lots of alcohol during pregnancy. He has FAS and Global Development Delay. I care for another young person who has exactly the same but he's over 18 now. His biological Mother overdosed on a cocktail of Heroin and alcohol a couple of years ago . It's very unlikely either of the young people I care for will be able to care for themselves until much older, maybe even never. They will live with this condition for the rest of their lives. They both work so hard at school/college, both have severe memory payments. They have both experienced these issues since birth. I took over 18 year old when he was almost 6 and he had a younger baby sibling who was removed from his biological mother at birth. This baby also had FAS and learning disabilities but the adoptive parents did not find out until he was about 2. Both the boys I care for were given back to the biological mothers by the court as both went into the programme to give up the drugs, then relapsed and children were taken back into a different care placement, then it all repeated again so DC moved to and from and didn't get to settle. The third time the judge told the biological mother you've been given 2 chances, now I have to give your DC's a chance for a better life. The kindest thing you can do for your baby OP, if you want what is best for them, is to give them up and give them a chance to be adopted for a better life. You could focus on cleaning up to get your older DC back into your life more.

You said the test was positive covering previous six months as of January by which time you had stopped, but then that you haven't touched drugs for three weeks. Have you proactively sought help since discovering you were pg? Cooperating now is important but you need to address the circumstances you blame for your lapses.

You will have less than 6 months to demonstrate long term change. You really don't have 'however long it takes'. Please focus. The proceedings will aim to conclude within 6 months with a final care plan and if you haven't sorted yourself it won't be you.