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Parenting

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Original poster

When to have baby number 2?

33 replies

OnMyJourney · 01/03/2025 01:07

What is a good age gap? I have a 16 month old and she's so sweet but I'm not ready yet, I thought a 3 year age gap sounded great but I keep getting told that's too big of a gap and we should've started trying for another one by now! I absolutely want another baby no doubt but I'm terrified, it took us 3 years to conceive my baby girl I have pcos so I had to take metformin to be able to get pregnant and I had a terrible labour and delivery experience, I ended up being hospitalised for weeks with preeclampsia and I was massively mistreated in the hospital, I ended up with PPA and this was also ignored. I went through a really rough patch and I think this has lead me to be terrified to try for baby number 2, does anyone have any advice? Im scared about the age gap and that I'll spend my whole pregnancy panicking 🙈

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TinyMouseTheatre · 01/03/2025 14:43

mindutopia · 01/03/2025 14:08

When you feel rested again and you’re in a good financial position after taking any time off and your mental health is in a good place and you feel ready.

5 year gap between mine (very intentionally planned), which meant eldest was in school (no childcare costs), Dh and I had progressed well in our careers, financially were quite secure after all those early years of having to pay £1100 a month for nursery. We’d had decent sleep. We’d been able to go on a couple nights away with family help and had some meals out alone in that time. Basically, we felt like ourselves again, recharged, ready to do those early years over one more time.

5 years generally has worked really well for us. They are 7 & 12 now and while they do fight, they have different enough friend groups and interests that they can also stay out of each others way.

Edited

That just shows how individual this decision is. If i was in the situation where I was used to sleeping at night and was going back to nights away I don't think I would have willingly gone back to the newborn stage. My first barely ever slept though.

RaraRachael · 01/03/2025 16:14

The only time I'd have had 2 close in age would be if I'd had twins.

Tiddlywinkly · 01/03/2025 18:31

In retrospect and longer term thinking, I would of have aimed for a 1 school year gap, but I've got a 2 school year gap and sometimes I think they are at pretty different stages which can be hard to manage at times. A larger gap would not work for us, but my reference point is that I'm a twin and we were going through everything at the same time.

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GoldWriterr · 22/04/2025 07:47

Hey love,

First off—everything you’re feeling is so normal. Like seriously, don’t let anyone rush you or make you feel like there’s some magic “perfect” age gap. I have two little ones myself, and the idea that there's a right time is a total myth. Everyone’s journey is different.

I hear you on the trauma and fear—your experience sounds incredibly tough, and it makes so much sense that it’s weighing on your heart now. I also have PCOS and struggled like crazy trying to conceive. It took me ages too. Honestly, I thought I was broken. I ended up using Clomid because nothing else was working, and it truly made all the difference. That stuff was a game-changer for me.

The second time around, I was also full of fear. Not just about pregnancy, but about going through the emotional rollercoaster again, especially with a little one already at home. You’re not alone in being scared—so many of us have been there. And honestly? Taking your time is more than okay. Three years is not too big of a gap. My kids are just under 4 years apart, and it works beautifully. The older one actually helps, and you don’t have two in diapers at once 🙈

Give yourself grace, talk about your trauma (maybe with a good therapist who gets it), and when you're ready—you'll know. No one gets to decide your timeline but you.

And hey, when you do feel ready again, just make sure you're using quality meds. If Clomid ends up being part of your plan too, I totally recommend this pharmacy I used: topsup24.com/buy-clomid-uk.html — my order came fast and the Clomid really worked. Just don’t mess with sketchy sources, your body deserves the best.

Big hugs, and take it one gentle step at a time. You’ve got this! 💛

lilylooleelala · 22/04/2025 07:51

jesterose · 01/03/2025 10:05

It's quite fashionable now to have gaps of under 2 years. However, medical advice says that to reduce the risk of pregnancy complications and other health problems, research suggests waiting 18 to 24 months, but less than five years after a live birth before attempting your next pregnancy. So that would mean an ideal gap of almost 3 years to about 5.5 years, at least from the point of view of maternal health. Many parents are putting their health at risk by having such small gaps. I think a large reason is also that older first time mums feel forced to rush it before their fertility really falls off a cliff, and because of pressure not to take too long away from their career. It is quite a luxury to have a bigger gap in some ways if those don't apply to you.

This is so well said and true.

Superscientist · 22/04/2025 09:31

It took me 2 years to recover from my pnd and ppp and another year to feel ready to try again. It then took 8 months to switch my medication to treat the pnd and ppp onto ones safe to conceive on. I then had 2 miscarriages in 6 months.
I'm on pregnancy 3 now of TTC number 2 and this one looks to be sticking. If it does I will have a 5 year age gap.

I'm middle of 3 with a 7 year gap to one sibling and 4 to the other. They have a gap of 11 years. My dad is one of five and has a 21 year age gap between him and his youngest sibling who is only 5 years older than me and 2 years younger than my sister. We have all been really close and the only sibling my dad doesn't speak to is the one 2 years younger than him. There's 2.5 years between my partner and his brother and they have never been close. I think it's the personalities of the children that matters more than the age gaps.

For us a 3+ year age gap was preferable to reduce time spent paying double for things not just nursery but also university and support as they start to set up home as young adults. One of the things I liked best growing up was going through each life stage on my own and having my older sisters support and then supporting my younger sister through it too. I don't think we would have had that in the same way of we were all going through it at once. Another consideration for us was whether we could cope if the second pregnancy turned out to be a twin pregnancy. I know a couple who ended up with 3 under 2 as they had twins the second time around.

DidYouEverGoBack · 22/04/2025 09:37

We have a 5 year gap between our children as I just didn’t feel ready before that.

StampOnTheGround · 22/04/2025 09:39

I had always said I wanted around a 3 year age gap, very lucky that life worked out and that’s what I got (a couple of weeks shy of exact) To me, that is the perfect age gap, for others it could be smaller or bigger - do what’s right for you. I also knew my toddler, a very active, crazy kid - a smaller age gap would have just not worked with him.

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