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Struggling with five year old at bedtime…

4 replies

SkyBlue1987 · 28/02/2025 07:58

Wondering what your routines are with your five year old at bedtime as we are very much struggling and really would like some tips. He has always been a bad sleeper and defiant when it comes to getting dressed and brushing teeth etc. But it’s got worse now he’s just started school as he is tired and grumpy.

Tonight for example I asked him after his bath to help me pack up his toys before bed. They were on his floor next to his bed and he’d trip on them when he comes into our bed in the middle of the night. I asked him multiple times and he didn’t do it. Finally I said if he doesn’t do it there is no toothbrush song (he likes to watch a toothbrushing YouTube video when doing his teeth). He still wouldn’t help me tidy so I followed through with no song. That resulted in a full on tantrum with him yelling and kicking and screaming. So he then got put straight to bed without a book. Once he calmed down his dad went to lie down with him, but he wouldn’t sleep for two hours. He struggled to wind down without the book so I don’t think we can use that as a consequence anymore. If we leave him to go to sleep by himself he screams that he is scared and frightened, and actually starts to do a scared cry, so we cave and sit with him. I can’t have the yelling as he has a baby brother in the next room.

He has always struggled to wind his body down for bed and even needs to be constantly reminded to close his eyes and be still - in order to go to sleep. I didn’t think we’d still be doing this reminding at five and I don’t know what I can do to help him. Other than that he’s a very bright child and we don’t have too many issues with following instructions outside of bedtime and getting ready in the morning. Mornings are easier though as he knows if he’s not ready before our timer goes off he will miss the school bell.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
CostcoBuns · 28/02/2025 09:37

I would say right before bed is not the time for chores and consequences. Keep bedtime as light-hearted and and as quick and predictable as possible.
I also wouldn't mess with the teeth cleaning routine

Does he have a night light?

How does his bedtime routine fit into/around his brother's? Could he 'help' you put baby to bed before he goes to bed himself?

What calms him down outside of bedtime? Can you introduce this into his bedtime routine. I had a terrible sleeper and through trial and error discovered that a little disco between bath and bed was the key to a happy bedtime.

johnd2 · 28/02/2025 09:49

Ok so bed time is difficult for any child because it's a separation. However for parents it's getting some time back for themselves. So there's a battle line already drawn.
If your child is not neurotypical then you can double that.
So in practical terms my solution was to basically every time there was an issue, bring bed time earlier but keep lights out the same time. You're basically front loading all the demands.
So now back from school about 3.45 dinner is over at 4.45, no play time before, and he's ready for bed any time between5.45 and 6.30 depending on himself. But I'm not stressed.
Then he gets to play or do some writing or reading or whatever he likes until 6.30 when we go up, and I sit with him until 6.45.
Actual falling asleep time is usually 7.30 or 8pm
So you can see that the wind down on school days pretty much takes 3 hours, but it's set up to minimise my stress and therefore also minimise his stress.
Good luck!

OverTheRaincloud · 28/02/2025 09:52

I agree with picking your battles, and wouldn't get into a stand off about tidying. If it's genuinely dangerous/risking breaking stuff, I'd just sweep it to one side myself and tackle it properly at another time.

I find having a Yoto to listen to stories on after the bedtime story and saying goodnight really helps.

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johnd2 · 28/02/2025 10:02

Oh yeah Yoto player is a good one, also having a limited number of books available that are not too interesting.
Also telling him I'll be back to check on him in 2/5/30 minutes or whatever, then coming back after a short time. Basically be strict about leaving, but generous about coming back to get him used to you leaving but things being ok.

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