Asking Husband to help more

[mrshall]

Do you think it's lazy of me to ask my DH to help more around the house when he's in?
At the moment when he comes home from work, I find he tends to lie on the sofa whilst I'm dashing around cooking dinner and getting the kids to eat. He does put the kids to bed though but then I'm clearing up toys and generally tidying up. I also find he leave just as much work lying around for me to clear as the DC.
Sometimes I feel that he doesn't understand how much work is involved in being a SAHM and how much I've given up to do this. He keeps saying things like how lucky I am but when I'm feeling low, it just feels like a treadmill of the same things over and over again forever.

alice

My opinion is that you both have jobs, yours is underpaid and fluid, his is paid and fixed. But, don't think your status should be lower because you stay at home and he goes out to work. I went back to work after DD1 and employed a nanny and my job was WAY easier than looking after her. Now, I am SAHM to DDs 1 and 2 and I just get on with it.

I limit my household duties though and do not wash my husbands shirts - he sends them out to be laundered and pressed and this is fine with me! At bed time, I put DD1 to bed, and DH does DD2. They are in bed by 7pm and then we are done. We eat at the same time as DD1 so all the dinner dishes are already in the dishwasher by the time we all gp upstairs but bathtime. There are some things you can change in your routine to make it easier for you but I agree with Humphreycushion and dont make a big deal out of any changes you want, just implement them and take it from there.

My DH sees me as having a full time important job and I am treated with the respect that deserves. My DH is happy to go to work and knows it is in his interest to keep me happy!

I've actually had a very similar discussion with my DH, and now I have a (limited) understanding of how his mind works, he doesn't see the tidying of the house as a priority unless something irritates him. If I would like assistance, or would like him to do a specific task I need to tell him as (apparently) he lacks the mind-reading function. He rarely grumbles about having to do anything whether it be load/unload the dishwasher or bath the kids he just likes to be pointed in the right direction. Now if a spec of dust lands in the garage or a screwdriver is mis-filed that's a whole different ball game.....

My DH has said similar things, and sometimes that works for us but I don't think it's ideal. Firstly because it means that I still have to be in charge of remembering everything - half the time what annoys me is not having to do a job it's having to remember that it needs doing. I don't want to have to 'ask' like its my responsibility and he is helping. And second DH then complains that I am 'giving him little jobs to do all the time'.

I find it easier when there are some things that are completely his responsibility and some things that are mine. For example he always gets DD up in the morning and puts her to bed at night. It's just done.