How did you cope with leaving your baby to go back to work ?

[BackinBlack24]

For context I'm not in the UK and crèche here won't take them till they are 1 , she will be starting when she is 15/16 months . I'm having a really hard time with it , she's 9 months now we have no family or friends near so she isn't used to anyone other than me or her dad but the thought of of having to send her to crèche full time when I go back to work is kill me l. I'm full of anxiety and cry about it all the time, I just feel so guilty having to leave her for 8 hours a day with strangers . Obviously I always knew she would have to go but it's a completely different story when you've been off work for a year and bonded and then Actually have to leave them. I'm just terrified she won't adjust well.

I'm in the UK. I stayed off until he was 14m so he started then. We built up from 1hr sessions to half day then full day. It took 2 months for him to be there 4 full days a week. It was hard for him and he was upset, like you we had no help and so he was used to only me or my husband. I trusted the staff. They held him and cuddled, soothed, rocked him to sleep etc, distracted him. After 3 weeks he was actually playing and enjoying, after 5 weeks he let himself eat there after refusing anything but breadsticks. He enjoys it so much now and has a great relationship with the staff. I would say it increased separation anxiety at home but it felt such a relief to know he was happy there. As for me, I coped by crying in the carpark for a week or so, then eventually being OK after I knew he was.

We were the same, our son went in at 11m and he thrived. We were more upset than him.

You'll worry at first then you'll realise when you go to work this is "me" time where you can have adult conversations and make yourself a cup of coffee without having a baby attached to you.

It's hard at first but if your setting uses an app to send you updates and pictures it really does get easier.

Both my kids absolutely love their nursery and the staff there are amazing with them.

Do you take her to baby clubs?
I was in a similar situation, we have no family or friends with children nearby, so my daughter was only with us. We sent her to nursery when she turned one. It was much easier than I thought - she is shy but very social, and I guess the time she spent at baby clubs was enough to get her confidence.
The first day she went for 3 hours, the next she started for the whole day.

Honestly, the hardest part wasn't being away from her or the crying when I handed her over but the cold, stomachbug, and all the diseases I never even knew about she bought home from nursery.

If you're already this worried about it that you're crying then tbh I'd talk to a doctor about anxiety

OP, you’ve got another six months to enjoy - so enjoy it: don’t spoil,it worrying about how you’ll manage or how your DC will manage when they’re at nursery. Yes, it’s hard, but both of you will get through it. Your DD may take a little while to adjust - and so may you - but you will get there. If you give off worry vibes, though, she will pick up on it. My advice would be: forget about it for the next four months, then work out how you will slowly get her used to going to nursery. Of course it will be hard on you both to start with - but you will both get through it, I can assure you. But above all, don’t spoil the time you have left with your DD by worrying about what will happen next - enjoy what you have now, and face up to the next stage a little further down the line. It will be difficult, but it won’t be impossible, and you’ll both cope.

After having my first child, I was intent on returning to my job after maternity leave. I had a career, great salary, it was my life. When she was 9 months old and my maternity leave was nearly over, I went to look at local nurseries and hated the idea of leaving her there. Questions entered my mind.. She is unable to talk, how can she tell me if someone is unkind or hurts her? I noticed newspaper articles about babies and children being abused by childcare workers. Another news article wrote about a toddler escaping and drowning in a pond. I had no idea how strongly I would feel about leaving my baby daughter in the care of strangers. My protective maternal instincts kicked in, I gave up my career to look after my baby myself until she could speak and have a level of independence to keep herself safe. I went without material things, holidays, new car, new clothes, going out etc but I have never regretted my decision. Nothing mattered more to me than my baby. Career is always there to pick up again, it will never change. Material things should not be more important than babies. Children are not babies for long and need love and security from their mums not strangers in nursery settings. If you feel anxious it’s because you don’t feel comfortable, listen to your maternal instincts and do what’s best for you and your baby.

I'm full of anxiety and cry about it all the time

you are literally wasting the time you have together now on this. Please speak to a doctor.

I just feel so guilty having to leave her for 8 hours a day with strangers

They aren't strangers for very long. She will get very used to them and the creche very quickly.

I realise it's easier said then done but if your baby is 9 months old and you are returning to work when she is 15/16 months you can't spent the next 6 months working yourself up over this. I would suggest a couple of things: firstly see a doctor for your anxiety because you are literally sabotaging your own time with her now; take her to baby clubs so she gets used to others.

It's a common anxiety but you get used to it, usually baby doesn't worry about it and is fine once left at nursey.