Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

I don’t want to sleep train, or stop contact naps… is that wrong?!

44 replies

CleverMrsFox · 27/02/2025 10:44

Im a single mum and am currently staying with parents (have done since my DD was born) as my life has done a massive 360 since I found out I was pregnant (had to leave own home, job etc due to becoming a single mum unexpectedly)

Whilst my parents have been fantastic help, my DD has not been an ‘easy baby’ as I have posted before about, but my mum is a ‘Boomer’ she is more for letting DD sleep alone and getting her to sleep independently.

I feel sometimes a lot of pressure that the way I am choosing to mother is creating a really bad habit and I just wondered what other people’s thoughts were.

I am a very responsive mum, I am always there when my daughter cries to comfort her, she’s an awful sleeper and if put down will only nap for 20/30 mins and then won’t go back to sleep and will be really grumpy. So when at home I have resorted to contact naps as she can sleep for up to two hours on me, giving myself an actual mental break..

She suffers from reflux so is a fussy baby in general so I find I just need those few hours to switch my brain off.

DD used to sleep through at night from about 2-4 months but this stopped as we entered 5 months… I have read this is normal?! Developmental leaps etc and becoming more aware of the world.
She has gotten a lot worse, now waking every 2 hours ish over night. She has a bottle before bed and always falls asleep on that. (She is formula fed not breast) and then she usually has one bottle over night altogether.

I try to put her down bed around 7pm and she usually wakes around 6/630 for the day.

In the night when she wakes I try not to respond unless she gets upset to which then I will pick her up and cuddle her back off. She needs to be picked up more than not as she cries extremely intensely and won’t settle.

we don’t bed share, as I don’t want to co sleep, but she is in my room with me as that’s the only option we have.

I am tired from the disrupted nights, yes, but I don’t feel comfortable sleep training, I think I feel the load quite a lot as a single mum and do opt for the easier routes but am I just setting myself up for failure?

I don’t like the thought of her getting distressed with sleep training, and frankly don’t have the energy for hours of crying/responding/crying etc.

does sleep training really work or is it easily disrupted by leaps/teething/illness etc?

Am I not doing anything wrong and don’t need to change anything or do I? I really don’t know anymore?! Some advice would be lovely! Thank you

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

CleverMrsFox · 27/02/2025 19:12

bananasinabowl · 27/02/2025 17:00

You are doing great. They are only little for so long.

May I ask, how long did your little one’s regression last for and was sleeping through the night again?

So she was a pretty good sleeper from birth, woke 2 x only in the night to feed until about 2.5 months old, she’d then cluster feed all evening and slept through the night from 2.5 months old . This lasted until 4.5 months old to which she gradually became more awake at night. 5 months and even still now has been a lot different, she wakes almost every 1.5 - 2 hours, not for feeds but for comfort, which I give. She has one bottle in the night. From 4am she wants to start the day and I have to let her really rock her back off and may get lucky to 6am then.

OP posts:

Original poster

CleverMrsFox · 27/02/2025 19:15

AgricolaOrBed · 27/02/2025 15:15

Please don’t write your mum off as a “Boomer”.

It’s an incredibly dismissive approach to someone who has welcomed you back into her home and is presumably also suffering sleep disturbances and other disruption.

Considering that you say you love her, I would find a better way of dealing with differing viewpoints than throwing pejoratives around.

She actually refers to herself as this and is very much aware of the generational differences in parenting styles.

I have actually stated she is not disrupted at night by my DD and also have said how amazing and helpful she is and stated I couldn’t be without her.

have also stated we haven’t fallen out over this just wanted views on peoples experiences whilst explaining the situation.

I by no means am not greatful for my mum and she is aware of my gratitude and loves having us here.

So not dismissive at all.

OP posts:

SnowSnow · 27/02/2025 19:23

Sounds like you are doing a great job and meeting your baby’s needs. If you have instagram look up Second Star to the Right Sleep account.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families General health

MissyB1 · 27/02/2025 19:36

CleverMrsFox · 27/02/2025 11:16

We have along with dieticians/GP etc ruled out an intolerance, the formula she is on is the one that suits her best, it is just reflux she suffers with.

Show quote history

Have you started weaning yet? The reflux will get better when she's eating, don't start early without the go ahead from HV or GP though.

You are doing fine by the way!

bananasinabowl · 27/02/2025 21:12

lorisparkle · 27/02/2025 17:56

A health visitor once said to me that it is only a sleep problem if it is causing you a problem.

We did what worked for us until ds1s sleep was so bad it was causing me loads of problems. Another health visitor recommended the book 'teach your child to sleep' and again we found a solution in that book that worked for our family and values.

To solve sleep problems you have to have the energy which is a challenge as you are already sleep deprived!

I am glad we did put the effort in to do a very gentle sleep training but it was the right time to do it.

What did you do and when?

Odras · 27/02/2025 21:15

Honestly having had one fussy baby with reflux, you just got to try and survive it.

I had two other kids and did a lot more patting on the back, white noise ect.. to get them to sleep. With the fussy one it just didn’t work. I never let anyone cry to sleep but I did do more gentle stuff.

They all sleep now!

AmyW9 · 27/02/2025 21:25

Keep going OP! Our DD was exactly the same. She contact napped until about a year, then was happy going into the pram for sleep, and now at two asks to go into her cot with no fuss. She's a happy, content, secure little person.

Keep building that wonderful bond, you're doing nothing wrong for as long as it works for you!

lorisparkle · 27/02/2025 22:02

@bananasinabowl when ds1 was about 8 / 9 months we did a gradual withdrawal / retreat method. So initially I was feeding him to sleep every 1-2 hours. So first I stopped feeding him to sleep and rocked him to sleep instead. In addition I set a time when I would feed him in the night. After 3 days I increased the time between feeds by 15 minutes and carried on with this. In addition I reduced the support I gave him to go to sleep at the beginning of the night every 3 days as well. So from rocking him, holding him, lying next to him, sitting with him, sitting by him, etc etc. Whilst it did involve some crying, I never left him to cry. It was slow but I was also flexible with it, if I felt he needed more time or if he was poorly or when we went on holiday. The benefit of it was we could take one or two steps backwards without having to repeat the whole process again.

ObliviousCoalmine · 27/02/2025 22:18

I breast fed until 2.5, co-slept until 6ish (she moved out of her own accord in stages), did contact naps until she started primary and carried her in a sling until she was too heavy for me.

She's a teen now and we have a great bond, she's not clingy, she's independent and confident. I'm glad I ignored the people telling me "she'll be in your bed at 15 at this rate" or "you're making a rod for your own back, she'll be so clingy". It was all utter bollocks.

ohnonotthisargumentagain · 28/02/2025 07:32

For reflux have you raised the end of the cot? - couple of books or something under the feet of the head end. It helps the reflux just by making them a bit more comfortable. Sleeping on you may also be a sign that sleeping more upright helps.

Okdaisy · 28/02/2025 07:40

Contact naps are the most natural thing in the world. She needs you and you are responding to that. My little one was the same. Once he was about 12 months he started learning to sleep more independently. No sleep training needed. Trust your instincts, you know your baby best.

TumbledTussocks · 28/02/2025 07:47

I didn't attempt to stop any of things and had a lovely time. Cosleeping, contact naps are all so natural and if done properly safer imo.

Mymanyellow · 28/02/2025 07:53

Kittygolightlyy · 27/02/2025 10:56

I loved this when I read it, in this early days x

A Mother’s Prayer for Her Child
By Tina Fey

“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half and stick with beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.”

And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
Amen.”
-Tina Fey

That’s made me all emotional. 🥹

Original poster

CleverMrsFox · 28/02/2025 08:34

MissyB1 · 27/02/2025 19:36

Have you started weaning yet? The reflux will get better when she's eating, don't start early without the go ahead from HV or GP though.

You are doing fine by the way!

Show quote history

Hi, yes we had the go ahead at 5 months from dietician as the reflux was that bad and she was bringing up so much, I just started with bland things (potatoe, porridge, etc) it slightly improved, we’re now 6 months old and have started with more things - I’ve noticed fruits make her reflux worse, could be due to some acid in fruits so im aavoiding these at the moment. Try to stick to blander veggies like broccoli, suede etc.

She doesn’t bring up as much milk any more but she does definitely still suffer as I can hear her swallowing it back down when it comes up now. Some days are better and some days she’s really uncomfortable bless her. The dietician did tell me that she won’t really be over it until 12-18 months as this is when there oesophagus develops properly.. just a waiting game.

even though they have ruled out a dairy intolerance I am not 100% convinced as she had an awful upset stomach after a teeny tiny amount of yogurt! But she’s formula fed and the GP gave me a CMPA formula that she point blank refuses to drink. And as it’s not effecting her growth/development etc dietician said probably best to leave the milk if she won’t take it as she’s gaining weight etc and doesn’t think it’s an allergy. But GP said he thinks it’s just mild and hoping she grows out of it eventually!

thank you x

OP posts:

Original poster

CleverMrsFox · 28/02/2025 08:36

ohnonotthisargumentagain · 28/02/2025 07:32

Yes I raised it slightly and it’s stayed that way, she definitely just wants to be on me and cuddled as I do think she gets uncomfortable and my comforting her helps!

OP posts:

Original poster

CleverMrsFox · 28/02/2025 08:37

TumbledTussocks · 28/02/2025 07:47

I didn't attempt to stop any of things and had a lovely time. Cosleeping, contact naps are all so natural and if done properly safer imo.

Thank you! I do enjoy the contact naps definitely!

she had a really bad night last night so 3am I gave in and had her in with me and she settled to 6am then ok.

OP posts:

Odras · 28/02/2025 13:29

Your mum is from a different time. The advice then was all about helping a baby be independent. She probably genuinely thinks that your child won’t leave your arms for life now.

We know so much more about child psychology now. The older generation in my family were all saying that my kids wouldn’t be able to settle into school, would never learn how to walk … mad stuff.

romdowa · 28/02/2025 13:34

We contact napped until around 15 months and then we did some form of sleep training because contact naps weren't working for us anymore . If it works for you then keep going until it doesn't

Original poster

CleverMrsFox · 28/02/2025 18:21

Odras · 28/02/2025 13:29

Your mum is from a different time. The advice then was all about helping a baby be independent. She probably genuinely thinks that your child won’t leave your arms for life now.

We know so much more about child psychology now. The older generation in my family were all saying that my kids wouldn’t be able to settle into school, would never learn how to walk … mad stuff.

She definitely struggles to understand sometimes but she means no harm, I think as you said she’s just from a generation where leaving us to cry was the advise given at the time!

she just worries DD will be clung to me for years to come

OP posts:

Flip

1 2