3y8mo bedtime suddenly gone wild

[Noodlesnotstrudels]

I think we are in a bit of a crisis as a family over sleep. We have a DD1 - 3y8mo and a DD2 - 11mo.

A couple of weeks ago, DD1 suddenly started having huge tantrums out of nowhere - running away, throwing things, trying to hit her sister, trying to run up and down stairs. We thought this was the threenager phase kicking in. It has coincided with real resistance at bedtime - she is totally fine in the run up to bedtime, will put pjs on, brush teeth, listen to multiple stories. But then as soon as DH or i go to leave, it's like a switch is flicked and she starts removing clothes, running away, slamming doors, flicking lights on and off. We've tried to go back to basics with sleep routine, give her choices, let her not wear pjs / sleep with weird hard toys if she wants to. But nothing works and bedtime is taking 2hrs +. She has a super active imagination kicking in - lots of talk of pirates and monsters so got her a nighlight and I said I would stay in her room until she went to sleep, but that also doesn't seem to have changed anything. I've given her lots of 1:1 time with me as well in case it was that.

I've bought a stairgate to go on her door which is arriving tomorrow so at least we know she is safe in her room as at the minute we can't even leave her to it and to settle herself into bed when shes ready. She was never like this as a baby / toddler - she's slept through since around 9months in her own cot and room. We took the side off her cot just after Christmas, which also hasn't helped.

Nursery say her behaviour is absolutely fine there.

Whoever isn't doing bedtime with DD1, is then with DD2. DD2 cosleeps with me (not through choice - as a result of refusing every attempt at getting her in a cot to the point that she made herself sick) and hasn't slept through the night since she was 5months ish. I usually go to bed at 7.30pm with her - DH brings my food upstairs for me to eat then goes back downstairs. I spend my evenings sat in the dark scrolling on my phone or watching tv with the subtitles off and white noise playing. If i leave her / the room, she wakes and won't resettle for anyone except me despite DH and my lovely DM coming to try and help (even though she is 250miles away).

I'm sure it's no coincidence that this has happened since I went back to work. DD1 hasnt napped during the week since she was 3yo and is now also dropping the weekend nap as well. But I feel like it's killing our marriage as well as our mental health / diet / patience. Typing it all out has made me realise how ridiculous the whole situation is but I don't know how to fix it. Should I pay for a sleep consultant? There are other things I'd rather spend £500 on, but if it is a magic solution, then I'm willing to do it i think! Is there something obvious I've missed that I should be trying?

Bumping 😫

Hi OP I've just posted a thread about my DDs bedtime - sounds very, very similar to you!! We thought it was a threenager phase manifesting a lot around bedtime (I say around bedtime but she's generally become very stroppy and stubborn - everything is a NO or a battle 🙈). She's 3 years 9 months and has a similar imagination to your DD - we tried all the night lights but none have made a difference. DH spends hours trying to get her to sleep whilst I fight her younger sister (5 months) to go to sleep!! How are things for you now? Did you end up sleep training? Sending solidarity - currently trapped in bed with youngest asleep on me and eldest curled up asleep next to me!!

Oh no, I'm so sorry youve been going through this as well! We haven't made any progress with the youngest - I've booked a week off work at the end of May and I'm going to try sleep training then. She has started sleeping properly now at nursery though, and will do a good 90mins nap (instead of 20mins) so I'm hoping that means we might have more success at moving into the cot. 🤞I really desperately want her out of our bed!

The eldest has been a bit trickier. She is a lot better at going to bed now. I think some it was her dropping the last of her daytime nap (she was only napping at the weekend). We bought a mesh safety bed rail for the side of her bed and that seem to make a really big difference! I think she liked feeling super cosy in the cot and found it tricky adjusting to a bed. She can still get in and out herself but it helps her feel more enclosed i think. We also had her Elsa doll do some "magic" in her room to keep the monsters away. We went HARD on reward stickers - i pinned a sticker chart to her bedside table and if she was good at bedtime and got into bed nicely, she could stick a sticker on the chart before going to sleep. She had also got fussy about having bedtime milk (where I put her vitamins in) so I bought some new gummy Frozen themed vitamins and we introduced that with snack after nursery, to make sure she wasn't maybe running a bit low on any nutrients which might be affecting her behaviour. Then finally we made a concerted effort for DH to take the baby more in the day so I that I could do lots of 1:1 play with our eldest and make sure she was feeling like she had everything she needed from me.

There are still the odd nights where she comes and climbs into her sisters cot in our room to sleep but generally things are much improved. I've no idea if it was just a phase but if it was, it was a very challenging one! 🥴