At the end of my tether with Dd2, I just don't k now what else to do with her

[CrackerOfNuts]

She is 8 and is the most grumpy, miserable, unhappy child I have ever met, and I don't know why. She says that there is nothing wrong, that nothing is making her this way, but I can't take it anymore, I mean it's not right is it, she should be happy and carefree not as miserable as sin. She snaps at everyone for everything, and seems to get zero joy out of things that most kids would grin with delight at.

Nothing I do makes a difference, I have tried the patient, she will tell me when she is ready approach, I have tried getting upset about it, I have tried everything.

Twice this week she has got out of bed, come downstairs to me and just stood there and stared at me. When I ask her whats wrong it is like she so wants to say something, but won't, and then eventually she says nothing is wrong. Personally I think she may be checking that I am still here, and not left her or died, as this has been an issue in the past, but what the hell do I do with her ?

If she were an adult, she be diagnosed as depressed I am sure.

Have you seen your gp ?

My dd2 is only 4 but she is a bit the same, very whingey and moany and complaining about things that other children would love. I have the same constellation as you - two dd's and then a ds. Partly I'm wondering if it's middle child syndrome? Feeling unloved a bit, left out?

I took dd2 out for the afternoon on Friday, after shcool, just her and me. It was lovely and I could tell that it meant a lot to her to have that time alone with me. Do you ever spend time alone with your dd2?

sorry you are having to put up with this. Children actually DO get deppression, and IMO it's underdiagnosed because they are underestimated in terms of how they think and how much they worry ect.

I think that you should take her to your GP and get her reffered to a psychologist or similar. It can't do any harm and if you can't find out why she's like this then they might.

Don't feel bad for not being able to figure her out - she would probably be least likely to teel someone who she loves dearly because she probably doesn't want to worry you or make you think she's being silly.

Really hope you can get things sorted. Let us know xxx

Haven't seen gp no, tbh I think she'd think I was being nerotic, as I find it really hard to explain how she is to people.

I don't spend much time alone with her no, but recently she had a day off from school when Dd1 and Ds had to go in. I took her on her own to the teddy bear factory, a place she has wanted to go to for ages. She said not two words the whole time we were there and didn't crack her face to smile once, not when she chose the bear, named him, picked his clothes or anything.

It is such a shame, because she is such a lovely girl. I sat watching her today and she was playing with the 2 yr old girl from next door, and she was being so loving and kind with her.

Five minutes later she was screaming at me for telling her it was lunchtime.

Maybe I am the problem.

Has she always tended to be like this or is it recent?

I doubt you are the problem - you obviously care a great deal for her. And if it were you, your other two would have the same problem.

Do you cuddle much with her or is she quite difficult to get to sit with you?

I have an 8 year old (she is one of twins) Very similar to yors although a bit more vocal
She is very very tempremental and has an aggresive streak too
We are waiting for an appointment with the mental health team.
Try the g.p, it can't hurt xx

Poor little thing, it does sound as though something is troubling her and she is in a sense taking it out on you because she can. I'm sure that you are not the problem. Maybe suggest going to your GP.

Maybe approach your gp , hv on your own without dd and tell them what you have told us. Then theymay send someone to come and asess her in her natural environment.
It's not you but trust your instincts if your concerned and get some advice.

She loves a cuddle and would sit on my lap all day if it was up to her. I am also very affectionate with her, always have been.

Magnolia, Dd is also very aggresive and vocal, it is like she sits brooding and then wham, she explodes.

She is doing very well at school, her teacher is extremely pleased with her in all areas of work but particularly in English and reading where she is ahead of her age group. She is popular and has many friends, and a best friend. She goes to Brownies and swimming and recently went away on Brownie camp so she will socialise ok.

Obviously she has been through the break up of myself and her dad, but she has always seemed to handle this ok, although I do think this is where the 'are you going to leave me too' thing comes from.

Sounds like mine but we don't have the doing well at school bit

Her academic ability is amazing and she was highest in her SATS in year 2, moved to the new school and is not doing well. I think the change has made things worse and so she takes it out on the close friends she does have
Some days she can be great, others she can be disruptive in class. I know she is bored, the teacher has been told how bored she gets and the head too but they refuse to challenge her more in class. Its hard coz its 30 kids and one teacher so why should they spend all their time with her.

Sorry turning this into my thread

We split about 2 yrs ago and she sees her dad roughly twice a week, he lives about 2 minutes away.

She seems to get worse though as time goes on, not better.

if she is going through the break up of you and her dad then i would suggest that is the cause of her unhappiness. Have you looked into getting her some support for this ?

She is a very very deep thinker sobernow, infact she thinks too much sometimes and her mind gets carried away with itself I think.

I have spoken to her about the seperation lots of times and and she really doesn't seem that bothered about it, but I appreciate this could be a front.

Her dad doesn't have a new family or anyone else yet as far as I know.

I am not 100% sure that going down the gp route would be right, but not sure why i think that.

She so much reminds me of myself.

A good child psychologist is what you need. Someone she can get to know over a long period of time, so that she can talk about her feelings and feel safe. Perhaps she feels you are the person she would talk to, but feels that she needs to protect you, because
a)you have been through a difficult time, and
b)perhaps she is afraid you might leave if she gives you any more to deal with.

I can remember being very aware that I didn't want my mum to have to cope with anything more than she was already dealing with, and never confided in anyone about my worries or fears. Children learn to protect their parents very early in life.

If you have a gut feeling that doctors are not right for this and your dd, then go with it. You know her better than us! Perhaps it would seem to fussy and she would be embarrassed. They are there if you need them though!

Maybe give it a few more months and see if she outgrows it - especially seeing as there will be sunshine and holidays? I remember having some attitude problems and being quite lippy when I was that age. Stopped it by the age of about 10, so maybe she is just adjusting, finding herself. Maybe she forgets her manners when she is thinking alot and anxious.

And if she seems to always take it out on you, I would think that it would stem from her being worried about you 'leaving her' as you said. Some attachment issues?

I think she definatly has some isues about me either leaving her or dying. I have spoken to her about this several times, but I know it still plays on her mind.

It's like last night, I went to the pics and my mum babysat. After i'd got back and my mum had left, dd2 came downstairs half asleep. I asked her if anything was wrong and what had she got up for and she said nothing was wrong, and she just hugged me and asked if I had a nice time.

I think she was checking that I had actually come back.
She also once faked illness to get sent home from school, and admitted it was so she could check that I was still here. That was a while ago though and she hasn't done it since.

I think if i were able to spend more time alone with her, then i might eventually get her to tell me what was wrong, but unfortunatly, I always seem to have at least one of my other dc's with me.

I think I will give it until after whit week and then see how she is. If she is no better, then I will ring the school nurse and see if she can arrange for someone to speak to her.

Fingers crossed that it is just her age. I so hate to think that she constantly feels miserable