Help with getting 10 month old to sleep

[PenguinLover24]

Hi everyone!

Ok so I'm really struggling with getting my 10 month old to sleep. She has been rocked to sleep since birth and now we're in a hole that we can't get out of. I've said to my husband on numerous occasions that we need to find another way to get her to sleep, but because he is better at it than I am and it doesn't take as long, he's always just done as much of the putting to sleep as possible.

When he's at work I'm screwed basically. I can't rock her for more than a few minutes because I have severe back pain from two failed epidurals and a spinal tap. It ends up that I just keep fighting with her until husband comes home which luckily is usually quite early.

I am personally against cry it out, I don't care if anyone else does it but for me personally I won't do it. I have quite bad pnd so listening to her cry sets a fire in my brain and if I'm honest I can't handle it.

I try rocking for a few minutes then putting her in her cot (she has never been a put down drowsy baby she has always had to be fully asleep before being put down). I've tried shushing and patting, pick up put down and even letting her cry for a couple of minutes and nothing works. She just gets more and more hysterical and cries her eyes out.

I can't even resort to just putting her in the car or pram on the days her dad isn't home to put her down because she won't sleep in the pram and in the car she cries hysterically until she falls asleep and again I can't listen to it.

I've just basically had a meltdown because yet again I've tried my hardest to get her to sleep and nothing was working. She was crying hysterically and when her dad finally walked in he got her to sleep rocking her within 5 minutes.

I've said to him we need to change this and the new rule is if it isn't working for one of us then that means it isn't working because unless we swap places in life I can't get her to sleep and I'm sick of my days feeling stressed and in pain.

So, any suggestions? Sorry for the long rant, it's been a crap day x

Totally sympathise. I spent a lot of time tearing my hair out with an overtired baby who just didn’t settle easily. It’s exhausting and frustrating.

Possibly not the quickest solution but could you try adding in another sleep association while your husband is rocking her, then taking the rocking away?

For instance, you could give her a comforter to hold while your husband rocks her, then he can reduce the rocking to standing still with the comforter, then just a cuddle and put down etc? Or he could sing a particular song to her?

We also worked out that our daughter didn’t give off many sleep cues and I was often trying to put her to sleep when she was already past it. Following wake windows really helped (even though she often seemed full of beans at the point of putting her down).

If you do a bedtime routine then also a mini version can help. E.g. if you usually do bath and a story, then just a quick story.

I hope you feel better soon. Tomorrow is a new day x

The only solution is some gentle sleep training, which will probably involve some crying. If she's crying waiting for her dad to come home/struggling to settle then she's crying anyway so you might as well struggle through a week of sleep training than let this crying go on for months more.

There is no need to 'cry it out' there are many gentler methods. Look into it and find one that works for you.

I just posted this on another post like yours… every baby different but here’s what worked for us. Our baby learned to do this by cuddling and rubbing a teddy bear. We use a jelly cat. She has been doing this since 5 month and has been sleeping independently although she now can’t sleep in a pram or car without it so we have had to buy a few of the same one. We didn’t use CIO as I didn’t want to use CIO method as I couldn’t handle it. Firstly when rockimg add a teddy every nap everytime baby sleeps ( I also slept with the teddy at nighttime at first so it smelled like me ) then we started putting her down with the teddy and we tapped her belly to sleep while she rubbed her teddy and then every night reduced the amount of tapping until she didn’t need it. Start with the first nap of the day as that is the easiest as they still have the morning sleepiness then once she gets the hang of it add to nighttime . It took a few weeks but now we place her in her cot say good night and give her the bear. Good luck

Agree with adding in one (or 2) new sleep associations while he rocks and then you remove the rocking but keep the new 2.

I'd recommend trying to reduce the amount he rocks every day very slowly until eventually he's just cuddling and then that's something you can replicate.
Ie does he sit on the bed, rock her, while certain music plays (lots of kids love a playlist called the Taylor swift method!) and each day he reduces the rocking so it becomes more and more subtle until he's actually just sitting cuddling. (Maybe sitting in bed there's a sway you can manage that doesn't impact your back as don't have the same weight?)

Have you tried a dummy? We introduced one at around 7months and she loved it. Removed around 18months without any issue. Held off giving because heard stories of how hard it was to wean off but was completely fine and really helped soothe to sleep, especially at nap times.

Have a little look at www.instagram.com/heysleepybaby?igsh=bmxkbTgwYm90Ynhy (hey sleepy baby) she has lots of saved highlights on different approaches to bedtime without crying.

You're spot on about needing to find a solution that works for you. If your husband isn't being helpful reducing the rocking maybe just focus on trying new things in case you can find a method that works for you. It's super common for babies to go to sleep in different ways with different people. My daughter always went to bed in a diff way with her dad.

You'll get there one way or another, hope it's not too difficult a process for you, such a difficult time xx

Very similar for my nine month old. We were doing hand-hold to sleep (and pretending to fall asleep in the chair next to baby until very calm and sleepy); after a couple of weeks of that plus Teddy, baby now cuddles/attacks Teddy and falls asleep independently.

Thank you everyone I really appreciate your replies! I really like the idea of a sleep association and gradually remove the rocking so we're going to try that! She has a taggy that's gorgeous but she's never been too bothered with it but might try and use that! She's never been attached to anything in particular as I've always followed the nothing in the cot rule! We've tried all the other methods and she just hysterically cries so I'm really unsure if sleep training is for us. She had a dummy for a couple of months and just wasn't interested in it and I wouldn't want to introduce one now at this age x