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Original poster

My one year old won’t sleep without me

19 replies

Amyharkss · 25/02/2025 08:49

Hi, I really need some help, my baby will be one next week and he’s never slept all night in his own cot. To get him to fall to sleep, I have to sit next to him and hold his hand, he wakes up multiple times a night and I have to sit next to him holding his hand to get him back to sleep, eventually I will just bring him into my room. at first I did this because I already had a toddler and it was just easier but now I’m afraid I’ve left it too late for him to learn how to go to sleep on his own. I physically cannot do the cry it out method and I never did sleep training with my three year-old. She just seemed to be a better sleeper. Any help is really appreciated

OP posts:
mindutopia · 25/02/2025 09:47

Just sleep with him. It’s very normal for babies to need someone in the room to fall asleep. It’s probably quite dark and scary and unfamiliar otherwise. I wouldn’t be missing out on sleep when he’ll sleep well with you. If he sleeps well in your room, bring him in with you and get some sleep. Both of mine slept with me until they were 3 and then they just started sleeping in their own rooms. I didn’t have to do anything to make it happen. And I was well rested in those years.

pearbottomjeans · 25/02/2025 19:47

My 3 year old won’t either 😂 agh. My 10 year old didn’t either, until he did. They figure it out.

Yourethebeerthief · 25/02/2025 19:51

You either have to embrace it and co-sleep, or gently sleep train. You don't have to leave your child alone crying themselves to sleep in order to sleep train. Only on Mumsnet do I see people saying sleep training with neglectful.

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Ihaveoflate · 25/02/2025 19:53

Well, my 5 year old doesn't sleep alone most nights, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. It'll happen eventually. At least, I hope I won't still be holding my daughter's hand in bed when she's 15 😆

Tiegs · 25/02/2025 20:11

Amyharkss · 25/02/2025 08:49

Hi, I really need some help, my baby will be one next week and he’s never slept all night in his own cot. To get him to fall to sleep, I have to sit next to him and hold his hand, he wakes up multiple times a night and I have to sit next to him holding his hand to get him back to sleep, eventually I will just bring him into my room. at first I did this because I already had a toddler and it was just easier but now I’m afraid I’ve left it too late for him to learn how to go to sleep on his own. I physically cannot do the cry it out method and I never did sleep training with my three year-old. She just seemed to be a better sleeper. Any help is really appreciated

I would love if my one year old only wanted his hand help but instead he wakes up 10+ times to still be breastfed and I don't know why or how to stop it

Yourethebeerthief · 25/02/2025 20:12

@Tiegs

You need to night wean him

Tiegs · 25/02/2025 20:13

Yourethebeerthief · 25/02/2025 20:12

@Tiegs

You need to night wean him

How do I do that

Yourethebeerthief · 25/02/2025 20:18

@Tiegs

You stop breastfeeding him at night. When he wakes offer him a drink from a sippy cup of water. He'll be pissed off about it of course. Cuddle him, shush him, lie him down and pat his back. It will be hard for a few nights and then it will be fine.

You have to stay strong through it and ride out the storm with him because he will scream for it. Make sure he has a nice filling supper before bed. Porridge with banana mashed through is a good one.

Tiegs · 25/02/2025 20:19

Yourethebeerthief · 25/02/2025 20:18

@Tiegs

You stop breastfeeding him at night. When he wakes offer him a drink from a sippy cup of water. He'll be pissed off about it of course. Cuddle him, shush him, lie him down and pat his back. It will be hard for a few nights and then it will be fine.

You have to stay strong through it and ride out the storm with him because he will scream for it. Make sure he has a nice filling supper before bed. Porridge with banana mashed through is a good one.

Okay thank you I will try and the only way he goes to sleep now is by feeding

Yourethebeerthief · 25/02/2025 20:22

@Tiegs

Good luck. I did the same at 15 months when mine was waking the same amount. It gradually ramped up and just got totally out of hand. He continued to breastfeed in the day time until 2 years old.

Tiegs · 25/02/2025 20:24

Yourethebeerthief · 25/02/2025 20:22

@Tiegs

Good luck. I did the same at 15 months when mine was waking the same amount. It gradually ramped up and just got totally out of hand. He continued to breastfeed in the day time until 2 years old.

I don't mind doing it in the day or for naps but night time it's becoming exhausting he wakes up more than a newborn . Did you do it gradually

Newhere5 · 25/02/2025 20:25

mindutopia · 25/02/2025 09:47

Just sleep with him. It’s very normal for babies to need someone in the room to fall asleep. It’s probably quite dark and scary and unfamiliar otherwise. I wouldn’t be missing out on sleep when he’ll sleep well with you. If he sleeps well in your room, bring him in with you and get some sleep. Both of mine slept with me until they were 3 and then they just started sleeping in their own rooms. I didn’t have to do anything to make it happen. And I was well rested in those years.

Edited

This 🙌🏻

Yourethebeerthief · 25/02/2025 20:31

@Tiegs

No I told him "no milk at night time" one day. Did his last feed before bed and said "milk all done. Milk in the morning" and put him to bed. Then in the night when he woke for milk I brought him a sippy cup of water, cuddled his teddy as though it was teddy that was upset, pretended to let teddy have a drink, and tucked teddy back in with a "shh" and a pat. Spoke to teddy saying "it's ok, no milk until morning shh shh shh night night". Then did the same with him. It helped him understand and process what was happening. Lots of comforting and patting and reassurance that everything was ok. I didn't replace with picking him up and rocking as that wasn't solving the problem- he needed to learn how to get back to sleep himself when he woke up.

He woke up for milk for a few nights, each night less frequently, each night easier to settle. Then it was done. Less than a week.

One blip a couple of months later when he was very very ill and I wouldn't deny him the comfort and fluids. Then night weaned a second time but the foundation was laid and he was quick to accept it second time round. After that it was breast milk in the day only, water at night. Eventually breastfeeding became less and less as he was eating more, until it was one feed before bed. Then one day he decided he was finished altogether at 2 years old.

Yourethebeerthief · 25/02/2025 20:36

If he sleeps well in your room, bring him in with you and get some sleep. Both of mine slept with me until they were 3 and then they just started sleeping in their own rooms. I didn’t have to do anything to make it happen. And I was well rested in those years.

Agree with this, only if it works for you though OP, and no shame if it doesn't. My son and I couldn't co-sleep. We did nothing but wake each other up. Now at 3 he is still a boy who very much likes his own bed and space. He relishes diving into bed at the end of the day. What he needed at one year old was to be taught how to get back to sleep by himself because he was waking constantly for milk, but bringing him into my bed wouldn't help the situation either.

The main thing is everyone needs to be happy and getting the sleep they need. Whether that means co-sleeping or sleep training is individual to your family.

Tiegs · 25/02/2025 20:36

Yourethebeerthief · 25/02/2025 20:31

@Tiegs

No I told him "no milk at night time" one day. Did his last feed before bed and said "milk all done. Milk in the morning" and put him to bed. Then in the night when he woke for milk I brought him a sippy cup of water, cuddled his teddy as though it was teddy that was upset, pretended to let teddy have a drink, and tucked teddy back in with a "shh" and a pat. Spoke to teddy saying "it's ok, no milk until morning shh shh shh night night". Then did the same with him. It helped him understand and process what was happening. Lots of comforting and patting and reassurance that everything was ok. I didn't replace with picking him up and rocking as that wasn't solving the problem- he needed to learn how to get back to sleep himself when he woke up.

He woke up for milk for a few nights, each night less frequently, each night easier to settle. Then it was done. Less than a week.

One blip a couple of months later when he was very very ill and I wouldn't deny him the comfort and fluids. Then night weaned a second time but the foundation was laid and he was quick to accept it second time round. After that it was breast milk in the day only, water at night. Eventually breastfeeding became less and less as he was eating more, until it was one feed before bed. Then one day he decided he was finished altogether at 2 years old.

Okay thank you for your help I will try this as he doesn't use any comforter or anything like that . I always think if I give him water he will just fully wake up as he drinks water from a open cup always has done since he started solids I really appreciate your advice

Yourethebeerthief · 25/02/2025 20:39

@Tiegs

I'd recommend nominating a favourite teddy to help you with him at night, even if he didn't previously use one as a comforter at night. My son was never into teddies much but I picked one of his bears to be the one I acted out things on at night, and now it's his favourite bear to have with him every night. Teddy has proven useful for all sorts of things since like role playing doctors and getting vaccinations.

Fingers crossed for you ♥️

Tiegs · 25/02/2025 20:42

Yourethebeerthief · 25/02/2025 20:39

@Tiegs

I'd recommend nominating a favourite teddy to help you with him at night, even if he didn't previously use one as a comforter at night. My son was never into teddies much but I picked one of his bears to be the one I acted out things on at night, and now it's his favourite bear to have with him every night. Teddy has proven useful for all sorts of things since like role playing doctors and getting vaccinations.

Fingers crossed for you ♥️

Thank you so much for your help

Nousernamesavaliable · 25/02/2025 20:45

My 4yr old doesn't sleep the night through in his own bed. In fact he's never slept the entire night in his own bed.
Do what works for you and your family,they aren't little for long and there is no right or wrong.

shardlakem · 25/02/2025 21:02

Sleep training, it isn;t about leaving them crying, it will take 2 nights and then they should go to sleep by themselves.

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