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Toddler hates the bath - any tips?

19 replies

TidyMouse · 24/02/2025 17:28

My son is 2.5 and absolutely hates the bath. He loved it when he was a baby (although has always hated having his hair washed) but now gets very distressed when we bathe him. There haven't been any incidents where he's been under the water or anything that I can recognise as a trigger for the change and I'm not sure how best to get him through it. We have tried lots of exciting bath toys, bath crayons, even a 'sensory' bath in dim light with glowsticks in the water but nothing has helped. We have also tried showering him instead, which is much faster, but he hates that just as much. Recently we've tried a very fast shower every morning in the hope that doing a quick daily shower (without getting hair or face wet) as part of his morning routine might get him through the worst of the aversion and at least help him manage it without getting upset but he is so distraught when he gets up that he now won't use the potty in the bathroom but insists on taking it outside, because he's worried that if he undresses we'll put him in the shower. The level of distress he shows is way above the normal level of a tantrum/upset from being tired/crying when he hurts himself.

Interestingly last year when we went to the beach he loved being in the sea and splashing in the waves so I have no idea why the bath/shower is so different.

We think he might be ND - he has been investigated for autism and is having twice weekly play therapy which has helped him massively although won't get a diagnosis (if in fact he is ND) until he's much older. This makes me wonder if it's an autism-realted sensory issue but whatever the cause, we need to find a way to make it work for him so that he can bathe or shower without screaming and melting down.

Does anyone have experience of dealing with something similar, and if so, how did you get past it? I'd be really grateful for any experience and tips you might be able to share.

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GingerLiberalFeminist · 24/02/2025 17:40

We had this with my DD, now 2. She would be screaming to get out and climbing over the side in Desperation. It broke my heart.

I scoured this site (!) And started getting in the bath with her. She was much more relaxed on my lap and we could sing 5 little ducks while I clean her. We also did water play in the bath- she tipped a bucket on my knee and I did one on her knee etc to get her used to the feel of water on her.

We also got a bath mat - those grim sticky ones that give purchase in the bath. I think she was scared of slipping.

She will go in the bath on her own now but won't sit down, so it's easier if DH or I get in with her.

Hair washing is always a nightmare though 😂

ShoalShark · 24/02/2025 17:56

I've had this exact issue with my 2 year old and we are also on the path of waiting for autism assessment. I also think it's a sensory thing.

I have found some success recently in allowing him to bring in toys that are not usually bath toys like his diggers and dumpers. It means having to very carefully dry them after but most of his toys are things that can get wet without too much issue.

I also found that getting a bath mat helped - one with animals on it.

I also got him a jug (one of those baby ones that are kind of siliconey and bendy) which helps a lot too but generally bath times are hard.

InTheRainOnATrain · 24/02/2025 18:16

My DD had a phase of this that lasted a couple of months. No obvious trigger either. Nothing helped until we went on holiday and left her in the kids club where they had a ‘pool party’. We went to pick up and there she was in the toddler pool with arm bands on, her head under a sprayer thing and having the absolute time of her life. Never complained again about a bath or shower after that.

In the absence of being able to book an expensive holiday I’d recommend you cut down to the bare minimum hygiene wise. I definitely wouldn’t be doing a daily shower and putting him off using the potty in the bathroom because that could bring with it a whole bunch of other toileting issues. Whilst were in the thick of it we cut back to every 2-3 days, used the kitchen sink, poured water over her with a toy watering can and did hair only once a week.

No neurodiversity though, in case that changes things.

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TidyMouse · 25/02/2025 20:28

Thank you all for replying. I like the idea of bringing in 'normal' toys, I haven't tried yet and will give it a go. We have a bath mat to make it feel more secure and he only goes in the bath with me so I think it must be the feel of the water rather than worry about the bath itself, especially since he also panics in the shower. I think I'm going to revert back to baths rather than showers and take it down to the bare minimum to avoid stress as much as possible - it's easier to make the baths a bit more fun and hopefully help him enjoy them. It's helpful to know this isn't just me and that maybe it just takes a bit of patience and gritted teeth in the hope it will eventually pass. I will definitely see what he's like next time we're at the beach although I don't know when that will be!

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Whattodo2024 · 25/02/2025 20:37

Try the kitchen sink

Tireddadplus · 25/02/2025 20:38

Our dd used to properly panic with showers and hair washing. We kept her baby bath until she was 4 as she was happy sitting up in a small bath on the floor! Now shes fine with a big bath at 4.5 years!

justasking111 · 25/02/2025 20:47

Mine showered with me from birth. In my arms then sat at my feet in the bath. It was only when I had two that they'd bath together.

RandomMess · 25/02/2025 21:11

Start off with them playing in the bath, no water, clothes on.

Clean down with a wet flannel in their bedroom in the meantime.

AlwaysCoffee25 · 25/02/2025 21:14

Bath bombs? Changing the water makes things more fun.

AlwaysCoffee25 · 25/02/2025 21:15

Also getting in the bath yourself and gelling them it’s “your bath” gets my soap dodgers in in no time!

onwardandupwards · 25/02/2025 21:22

I put loads of duplo in the bath for mine when he was around 2 and put a tablet on in bathroom with little baby bum on, gave him a sponge and soap to clean his bricks, sometimes I turned the bubble machine on too anything to get him washed. He's almost 5 now and diagnosed with Autism. My 20 year old is also autistic and still hates showering and bathing.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 25/02/2025 21:24

Could the water be too hot? My husband was making the water too hot. I realised he'd just quickly put his fingers in and out thinking the temperature was fine but one day I put my hand in and held it there for a few seconds and it was way too hot.

takealettermsjones · 25/02/2025 22:25

Bubbles - as in, not bubble bath, but the ones you blow.
Crazy soap (foam)
A small stool or plastic step to sit on, or a baby bath seat or bumbo if not too small for him?
Goggles if it's about getting water in his eyes.
Change shampoo/soap etc if you think it might be stinging
Make sure towels are soft, fluffy and warm for after.

Justlurking101 · 25/02/2025 22:30

Mine had this, I'm sure he was scared of going down the plug with the water. Never let the bath out when they are in it. I played a game with him, sink or float, loads of toys, invite him to play (he would run and hide when I ran the bath) so I just played myself until he got curious. Buy new bath toys, foam spray soap stuff. Bath crayons. Wash with wet flannel until they want to get in with the toys again.... and reassure them it's safe and you're right there. It passed quick enough and he still loves the bath and shower now :)

fourelementary · 25/02/2025 22:33

A few of mine deffo went through this phase. Limit washing to minimum. Sink baths in the kitchen. Lots of warnings and honesty- no tricking them. So if they need to have a wash let them choose bath with mummy or shower with daddy and explain they need to be clean to be healthy and you will be super quick- and be quick etc. This too shall pass

Loveshine · 25/02/2025 22:58

I have similar with my DD, especially when it comes to hair washing. She's nearly 3.5 and things have really improved in the last 6 months since I started showering her after her swimming lessons, I think it helped seeing the other kids had to get showered too and it wasn't just something I was doing to torture her. She still absolutely hates water getting on her face so I stick a flannel over her face while I do her hair which helps. We've also got these bath hand puppet mit things in the shape of a duck and a shark that she likes me to do voices with while I scrub her. We still have bad days with it and I find the whole process so stressful, my DH took over from me for a bit because I think she was picking up on my stress.

AnxiousLurker · 26/02/2025 14:25

Had this with my DD between 6 and about 14 months. Then started playing Super Simple Songs on my iPhone while she was in the bath and gradually adding more toys. Now she loves the bath and we can't get her out sometimes!

wearyourpinkglove · 26/02/2025 22:37

Can you try bathing him in a bendy bucket in another room? My daughter doesn't like enclosed showers but will use open showers on the edge of a swimming pool.

I also entice her into the bath by letting her eat bowls of fruit while she sits in the water Grin

TidyMouse · 01/05/2025 19:35

I completely missed all these replies and just wanted to say thanks so much to everyone who replied - there are some great tips here, I'll be trying all the ones we haven't thought of yet!

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