Toddler Tantrums - Is this much anger normal?

[Henrihetta]

DS has recently turned 2, he has been having tantrums since around 18 months or before.

Im just wanting to know if this is normal , as any other friends with toddlers his age don't seem to have this happening with their "chilled" toddlers

• any minor inconvenience to him he has a fit and is angry. E.g he drops a toy he gets very annoyed and throws things
• constant hitting me when angry
• throwing toys at us or around the room when upset
• constant tantrums whenever he is bored or wants a snack and iv said no
• if he isn't playing with toys he is kicking off to get to the toys

Il add to the above he isn't yet able to talk a lot, he says some words and has some understanding of things I say. I feel his lack of being able to say what he wants is adding to his frustrations.

Im finding myself putting on the tv on a lot to reduce the temper tantrums

I guess the reason for the post is i'm becoming quite worried about his behaviour and have had family commenting on his behaviour calling him an "angry boy". Due to the frequency of the frustrations and tantrums he is having.

Id be keen to hear anyones thoughts on this and if there is anything I could do when he acts this way.

Easy to say when you are looking for answers but try not to compare your son with others his age. Every child is individual and may develop at different rates.

When you say he isn’t able to talk a lot, is he using words just to name objects or to make requests? Does he use pointing, gestures or vocalisation to make his needs known? If you always anticipate his needs he may not need to communicate.
There are lots of things you can do to encourage his speech using a play based approach, anticipation rhymes, repetitive text books etc. Offer choices between drinks, snacks, activities etc. You can name and see if he will repeat or reach for a preferred item. This will give him a little control.

Something that’s a “minor inconvenience” to an adult can feel like the end of the world to a 2 year old.
Sounds like he is having outbursts as a means of communication which is to be expected to some extent. I know you have noted this.

In putting on the TV when he is in a temper he may have learned that this is a way to get the TV on. I’d put some limits around this. Try some calming music instead.

You need agreed strategies and language when he is throwing things and hitting you. It may be that you use “ planned ignoring” if he throws things ( as long as it’s not at people or damaging things) once calmer say oh dear tidy up or similar. If he makes a mess he tidies up. Use reduced or no language once he is really angry.
For hitting again agreed language, a firm stop or no accompanied by a flat hand facing forwards.
Walk away if you can across the room. When calm use basic toddler books around behaviour if and when he can access these.

Does he get enough physical activity? Outdoor time? Toddler groups? Spring may be better.
You seem to already be looking for patterns and triggers. If you want to unpick this further you could start noting down day, time of day, situation and what the outcome was for him. This might give you some pointers to change your approach, response or language. A change of routine may be needed or choice/ access to healthy snacks?
Good luck and hope things improve for you both soon.
As for comments from family ( which can be unhelpful) you can always ask nicely for the benefit of their experience or wisdom!

@24Dogcuddler thank you for your detailed response. He attends nursery 4 days a week, we also attend a class on my day off and often go out at weekends to soft play or visiting friends & family. He has been throwing tantrums at others houses when there aren't many toys available and even thrown a toy at an elderly relative. It's very embarrassing and I do feel judged when he acts this way.

But my main concern is I want to help him and want him to grow up to become a nice well behaved boy and really hope this angry tantrum behaviour is going to improve once he is able to talk?! I do feel like he is acting up more than the average toddler!! Which makes me feel like , am I doing something wrong.

Has anyone else had any similar issues ?

Obviously it's easy to advise when it's someone else's child and not when you're in the middle of it. But I'm wondering whether you can reduce some of the frustrations before they happen since you know what some of the triggers are? For example, if he has a tantrum when he wants a snack, you could try offering a snack just before he gets too hungry, if you can predict when it's likely to be. And if you're going somewhere or doing something where you know he is likely to get bored, are there any toys or books you could bring so you can head off boredom before it happens? You might think my DS is chilled if you see him out and about, but e.g. if I didn't bring a snack for after nursery and shovel it into him straight away, he'd be having a screaming fit and refusing to get in the car.

There are always posters on these threads who will say things like 'he needs to learn to deal with frustration' etc. but I think toddlers have multiple opportunities every day to learn that, so it's not pandering to them to try and stop as much of the frustration as possible from arising in the first place.

Thanks for your reply OP. Mums always blame themselves. Sounds like you are being hard on yourself and fitting lots in.
If Nursery staff haven’t raised any concerns around his communication skills or behaviour I wouldn’t worry too much.

@BarnacleBeasley I am constantly trying to prevent these episodes by having all snacks provided and on hand , toys with me etc. but unfortunately it Doesn't stop his fustrations!! It certainly helps but he does seem to generally have extremely little patience when things don't go his way!

@24Dogcuddler The nursery did raise concerns in the baby room at his behaviour, I asked for him to move up to the toddler room, as i noticed he was becoming bored in there and there wasn't as much for his age range to do. The baby room is 0-2!! They did allow him to move to toddlers at 23 months and he has done so much better since & they are not worried about his behaviour there. I do however as his mum get the worst behaviour directed at me (I think thats common though)