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4 year old aggression

1 reply

Auroraspyjamas · 23/02/2025 17:52

Hi, my 4 year old is a lovely little girl in so many ways. She has made lots of friends at preschool and her keyworkers report she is social, kind and generally well behaved. However at home she can get very frustrated and can lash out at me and her dad - biting, shouting, hitting, pushing and biting or even spitting.

We always stop and correct the behaviour firmly. We’ve tried encouraging her to articulate her feelings, giving her other ways of expressing herself (encouraging her to run about, stamp her feet etc) and shown her ways to calm down (kid yoga, breathing exercises, a sensory area at home). We’ve also brought in consequences e.g. treats that are planned like films or puddings being taken away. And we use positive reinforcement like start charts and praise.

I feel really disheartened and self critical that this is still going on at her age and worried about what it means. I’ve contacted her health visitor in the past who seemed pretty relaxed and didn’t think she met the threshold for SEN needs but on and off I’ve wondered.

At one point it was pretty frequent. Now it’s much more occasional and circumstantial but her age is what really worries me as I feel like most children have grown out of this by now.

Anyone else been through this? Any advice?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Piratejenny99 · 23/02/2025 22:05

Honestly my DD was similar age 4. She wasn't as physical as you describe but she used to get extremely angry over minor things and absolutely roar with rage.

I don't really have any major advice above the things you have said but I just wanted to reassure you that she just grew out of it on her own and became much more reasonable almost overnight around her 5th birthday.

I also found the best way to get her to cooperative was the positive reinforcement and showering her with love even when I wasn't feeling it in that moment. Punishments just seemed to make her more angry and frustrated.

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