Scared my fussy baby is going to always be this way.

[CleverMrsFox]

I feel like I’m really struggling with my 6 month old, she has always been extremely fussy and difficult ever since she was born and I feel like she’s getting more intense as she gets older. I feel so envious of other mum’s with these nice calm babies and mine is just so angry at the world.

She suffered with Reflux, which has settled since we’ve started weening.

I feel like I spend my days just counting down until the next nap time. She’s extremely difficult to entertain and keep happy, gets very frustrated with anything I do with her and is extremely loud and vocal. She screams and shouts almost constantly which prevents me from being able to think sometimes, I feel like I am not enjoying her, even though I love her so much.
She will only tolerate doing anything for a couple of minutes before getting extremely frustrated and starting to scream and shout.

I can’t put her down, I can’t make food, I can’t shower. I may be lucky and get 5 mins in a bouncer with dancing fruit on for a quick 5 min shower but that’s about it. She has multiple different chairs, a lovely big play mat with activities on, lots of toys, a jumperoo, a piano Matt but nothing keeps her happy.

I’m scared this is just my life now, is she going to be a difficult toddler and child?

I am a single mum, have the support of parents who are fantastic but are older themselves so get tired extremely quickly.

i love her so much but I just feel I’m at a loss with her now.
sleep is horrendous in the night she wakes a lot and is so difficult to settle. She won’t fall asleep independently she will scream and get herself in a right state so I have resorted to contact naps just for the peace and rocking to sleep at night!
We have a consistent bedtime routine but that’s always a hysterical battle.

I feel embarrassed a lot at the way she is like I’m failing as mother and am not satisfying her enough but I don’t know what more I can do. She has my love and attention 24/7 and I am always trying to ensure I do not show her my frustrations and keep a happy/positive attitude towards her but it’s starting to emotionally drain me now.

just wondering if anyone has been through/going through the same thing?

I definitely cry a lot! I constantly feel like I’m failing.

I really am hoping that once she’s on the move she becomes happier!

My reflux baby is 15... he was miserable as a baby, a shocking sleeper, had bad skin and terrible gutts. I think he was in a huge amount of discomfort.

He is a beautiful human, great company and has a cracking sense of humour. He has always been great company, even when he was miserable. Things did get easier when he could walk. He continues to show his strong personality, he knows how to get what he wants and how to avoid doing things he doesn't want to do.

Oh god, yes the tears... mostly I didn't speak... in case it all came out....

Take care of yourself too.. I think having a reflux unhappy baby played havoc with my adrenal system.

Signing is great to calm your nervous system as is drumming... (not a drum kit but rhythmic drumming).... I wonder if it would help calm colic / reflux babies?

I definitely struggle to speak about it as I get teary, I almost feel guilty for ‘complaining’ about her also, as she is other than reflux a very healthy baby. Which I am eternally greatful for.

The days are long and draining but my hopes in it all being a phase and my love for her are what’s keeping me going right now!

Oh gosh OP just read about you not having lots of classes etc available, that is painful. The only thing that saved me was spending as little time at home as possible, even if that was going out to the supermarket 3 times a day!

Ah I can relate, OP. My 2nd was similar. I joke that she was born anxious and disappointed! We couldn't put her down anywhere, ever. She'd scream in the car, scream in a buggy, scream in her moses basket. She was only ever semi-happy while strapped to me and it was rough! Being completely honest, it had a huge impact on my bond with her and I was honest about that with my HV at the time. I felt like I was doing something wrong and she knew I was a terrible mum.
She never did get diagnosed with an allergy or reflux or anything. She did however turn into the most lovely toddler. Chilled out, gentle, kind to people. Just a peaceful human being. She's nearly 10 and she still has the most gorgeous nature. I love her dearly and feel like I'm always making up for the time I felt like I didn't like her very much.
Sorry that was a bit of a tangent but I just wanted you to know that you're not broken or rubbish or anything your brain my talk you into. This will absolutely get better even if you feel like you're in the trenches right now.

We are very limited to what we have around here, I do attend a couple that are age appropriate for her. We tried swimming but she hates that. So I tend to get out on mile long walks, have even got a hiking back pack that she’s quite happy in when out and off we go for a couple of hours.
I visit the supermarket a ridiculous amount of time, I always try to extend it with a ‘coffee’ out too so that at least she’s a bit more distracted.
we’ve had quite stormy weather here and getting anywhere can be difficult so we have been stuck in the house, I find these days exhausting and am looking forward to summer and just being able to be outside more. She definitely enjoys being out and about more than home, but can still be fussy in public too.

Thank you! This is nice to read, I definitely feel awful for not enjoying her always, and look forward to the days when she is settled.
I feel on days it can definitely affect how I feel about having her, on the really bad days I have questioned if I have ruined my life! But then I feel utterly horrible with myself for ever feeling that way about her and continuously remind myself she is just a baby and that she doesn’t mean to be this way. She’s so beautiful and can have moments where she’s a delight, but sadly the battles are outweighing those moments for me currently.
I wake some days feeling like ‘here we go again’

Try happity for a list of classes and groups, churches etc go to any museum or gallery no matter how rubbish , anything at all to just get her out. Hopefully the spring will make things easier too. At home if you dont already try ‘stations’ and a ‘plan’ in your head. Eg we’re going to have breakfast and get dressed, then to spend an hour in this room, playing with toys and reading books. Then it’ll be a nappy change and a nap. Have a breather in the nap and recharge if you can, then go with your next wake window plan to be with different books and toys in a different room. Rotate toys and books too, so not everything is out all at once and lean on your parents as much as you can for now.

You’re doing amazing though Op, well done.
you’re doing your best, you’re doing everything you can to keep her happy, she loves you and wants to be with you because that’s where she feels happiest and safest. You are doing so so well, please be kinder to yourself. You definitely aren’t failing!

Would it be worth trying to change her formula in case she doesn’t get on with the one she’s on and she has tummy ache a lot? Is she teething? If they’re in pain this can make them very grumpy as they obviously can’t tell you, it’s so hard to know though. It’s a guessing game at this age but it’s not your fault and it WILL get easier! What they’re like as toddlers / children is often very different.

I would try to rule a couple of things out that may be causing low level consistent pain or discomfort.

DS2 was the most miserable baby you could think of. I like to joke that he has used all the tears his body could produce in his first 8 months of life and then became the happiest person ever. He cried non stop for 8 months.
Reflux is a bitch.
Don't over-try to make her happy. Hold her, console her, stroke her head, but don't start a circus performance to entertain her.
He was great for getting free stuff. The second I would enter the bakery, he was crying so loudly, the baker would hand him a breadstick. The second I entered the fruit and veg shop, a banana would be handed in the hope to silence him.
He was great for saving money, as clothes shopping was impossible.

It is a phase. Cuddle, read books , understand what you can and can't do with her, it will pass. Some babies are easy, some aren't .

My fussy reflux baby was a nightmare and I really didnt cope well for the first few months. However once she could walk, and she walked very early 9.5 months, she was transformed and seriously one of the most easy going toddler/ little kids ever. I can count on both hands the number of tantrums she had in her whole toddlerhood. Shes 8 now and still a delight. I think some babies just hate being babies.
(My very easy going baby that followed is a stroppy 5 year old little git 🤣)

I have tried a few different formulas and the one she’s on now is the one she gets on best with (brings less up of)

I can distentively tell when she’s in pain as her cry is extremely different to the daily whinge (I know this from a couple of colds she’s had, vaccinations etc)

im careful with what I give her weening wise, we stick to bland and easy foods (nothing acidy or rich, no dairy as I think she has a mild dairy intolerance but the GP and Dietician won’t explore as she doesn’t present enough symptoms) she did have an upset belly from a tiny bit of yogurt I tried her on though.

I think the reflux is the main cause, we have tried a lot for that. Reflux formula made her poop 7 x a day every day for a couple of weeks and they were explosive every time. Told to stop, Gaviscon mildly helps so we have been on that for 4 months now id say, Omeprazole didn’t help it made her worse, changed formulas, changed bottles, feed less more frequently.

have also been for cranial osteopathy incase of any birth trauma discomfort as she was stuck at birth in my pelvis.

it’s hard when they cannot communicate definitely!

I definitely don’t over do it as I don’t want her to rely on me too much for entertainment.

sometimes if she’s on her mat just grumping a bit I leave her, I don’t rub straight to her all the time.

when she’s inconsolable I tend to just hold and rock and shh her to calm her peacefully!

thank you for your response! Hoping she has a few months only until she’s happier like your boy!

Definitely hoping it’s a case of hating being a baby!!

Thank you for your kind words, that’s actually bought a tear to my eye just to read.

I think I need to switch up play areas in different rooms more definitely! That sounds like a good idea and will set up a few ‘stations’ tomorrow! Thank you

One of mine was really hard work until 3 ish. Got progressively easier through primary school and is now a delightful 13 yo - mostly!

Hang on in there

Thank you! It’s nice to know there is hope! Maybe she will just be the most beautiful soul when she’s older :)

Can you pop her in a high chair with some toys while you do things? Mine got upset at this age because they wanted to be able to sit unassisted and couldn't.

I do in the kitchen and she hates it, I place suction toys on the tray to spin etc but she just screams and throws herself back as she wants out the chair.

she can sit un assisted aswell.

she doesn’t really like to sit, wants to be stretched out because I think her tummy hurts.