I'm a first time mummy to my beautiful DD. She's 21-months-old and my absolute world.
For some reason, since she hit 18 months, everyone we meet at toddler groups and all our parents' mates seem to have become obsessed with asking 'when number two is coming'. I've always seen myself with two children, but with a larger age gap. I've always said that I'd like my first to be in school and have things of their own (routines, friends, hobbies etc) and then think about having another baby. I'd like to be able to go to the same baby classes with number two as I did with one and have number one in school, as opposed to just being babysat by my mum. That said, I am an only child and never felt like I was missing anything and I've never really understood why only children are stereotyped as being lonely and spoilt. In my mind, you can be one of six siblings and feel lonely for many reasons unrelated to just having a sibling your age, just as you can be one of two and be spoilt.
I suffer badly with anxiety and, recently, my main anxiety has been around whether or not I should reevaluate my 'plan' and have another child now 'because I should' and I actually feel quite a lot of pressure. I’m not sure I could cope again but I am 100% sure that bringing a child into the world in the near future ‘because society says so’ is a very bad idea. I am growing tired of defending myself to other mums, who look at me like I've grown another head when I say that it isn't on my radar right now. 'Oh but they'll only get on if they're close in age' and 'but the first one will be so lonely' keeps coming up, like having a second child is supposed to be a gift for the first. I keep getting told I'm selfish for not wanting to have a second one, because it must be because I don't want to go back to sleepless nights and bottles etc (my DD slept through from 3 months but it was my mental state that kept me up and crying).
I really want to get a handle on this before it saps the enjoyment out of motherhood full stop because right now I’m in danger of missing out moments with my first child because I’m thinking about a hypothetical second. Has anybody felt these feelings before? Or faced these questions and have a clever way to respond that won't get me thrown out of toddler group? I just feel so judged and like I'm not a good enough mum because/if I only have one child.
(To add, I would have no issue with being an only-child mum if I am only to be blessed with my beautiful daughter. There are no guarantees in this life and there is certainly nothing wrong with having one child if that is the decision you arrive at, be it for financial reasons, health, whatever it is)
TIA