How to get 3 year old to hurry up in the morning

[maloney123]

I really really need some advice on how to get my 3 year old ready in the morning! I am currently on mat leave with my 10 month old but will be back at work soon. My husband works early shifts so it’s just me in the mornings. It’s currently taking approx 2-2 and a half hours to get ready and to nursery for drop off in the mornings (getting her up at 7.30 and dropping her off around 9.30 on a good day)!! Every single step of the way she delays, wants to play, read, chat - basically anything but get ready. She’s a very emotional child and if I try to hurry her up or get irritable this can trigger 10 minutes of crying. She also loves routine and is very attached to her current routine, any changes I’ve tried to make to save time get her very upset. Me and the baby are fine, we can be ready in no time, but I have no clue what I’m going to do when back at work and in the office for 9am!

Getting ready to a favourite song is a good idea. That works sometimes with our son.

Also you could make a visual timetable with velcro images they can rip off once the step is complete.

Choose all her clothes together the night before and lay them out. Sing along at toothbrush time.

I get DS 3.5 and 1 yo DD out of the house in an hour in the morning. 7am - 8am

DS likes to have breakfast at home as well as at nursery. They deal is we all have to be dressed before we go downstairs for breakfast. So that’s his motivation. Sometimes he wants to dress himself so on those days he does that whilst I get the baby dressed. It is still faster generally for me to dress him. But frankly he doesn’t have a choice. We need to leave the house at 8 otherwise I’m late for work. If he doesn’t let me dress him or takes too long getting dressed then the consequence is there might not be time for breakfast at home. He has breakfast at nursery again so I know he won’t go hungry.

He is not allowed to get toys out or watch tv on nursery mornings. There is no time for that. It’s cuddle in my bed, get dressed, they eat whilst I make my lunch. I eat my breakfast whilst they finish theirs. Quick back up stairs to wash and do hair. Kids in the car then I spend a few minutes making sure we all have everything whilst they’re strapped in then we’re off.

Make it fun if you can. Set challenges e.g. I bet you can’t get your shoes on by the time I’ve done x.
Use music as PP said or visual timers. Some novelty kitchen timers are perfect for this or use a big egg timer.
Could she have some big sister tasks to do? Bringing you things, getting the baby’s coat for e.g. Say I need you to get ready fast so you can help me.
Prep as much as you can the night before, everything laid out ready to wear.

Instead of hurrying her, motivate her. My kids are really competitive so I make stuff up as I go along “if you brush your teeth really quickly before daddy wakes up you’ll be the winner!” Or sticker bribes. things like this. Turn it into a positive or you will be so stressed

I don't know how it can possibly take that long to get dressed and brush her teeth/hair!

I would work out a new, improved, more efficient timetable and put up with the crying for the short period it will take for her to adjust. It's better to do that now while you have time than wait until you're back at work.

As pp said, make a visual timetable so she can see the new system. Explain the new system (using the visual timetable) the night before and then from the next morning stick to it, no negotiations.

I would avoid the need to go up and down stairs so either get dressed and ready before breakfast or if that doesn't work (some kids have the hunger rage!) then bring her clothes for the day down with you (and have hairbrush and toothbrushing stuff downstairs too). Twenty minutes (or half an hour if you feel that's better) for breakfast is plenty so put the food on the table and set a timer, remind her periodically how much time she has left and when that is done clear the breakfast away. No negotiations. If she hasn't eaten anything then you can give her a banana on the way to nursery, she won't starve. It can't possibly take longer than half an hour to get dressed and do teeth and hair so that's the whole process in an hour.

No toys and no TV before she is completely ready. And stick to it.

What's her current routine?

I'd have a visual timetable up so that you can go back to it if she gets distracted. Ours is up, dressed, teeth, hair, downstairs for breakfast - you can vary yours. But don't get diverted from it. My guess would be that you are inadvertently encouraging the chatting by allowing it or engaging with it on some days. Can you try a flat voice (not irritable or hurrying) and "getting ready time" then praise when she is done?
So
"look at my rocket"
"Mm, it's getting ready time, socks next"
"Can you see my rocket?"
"Getting ready time. Socks."
"Look, there's a bird outside"
"Getting ready time."
[and then dress her if you need to - but without comment, while if she does it herself give her praise]

Get everything ready and organized.

Use a visual timetable of some sort so the instructions aren’t just coming from you.

pad the time you need to get out the door. If there is extra time, you will read a book or have a bit of screen time. Whatever works for your family and your fAmily

My DS likes to race his little brother getting ready and likes to win so if he starts delaying getting ready I ask him if he wants to race and then he gets ready straight away. Obviously I let him win most of the time as I’m dressing his little brother.

What can she possibly be doing in that time that takes so long?

On nursery mornings my 3 year old goes straight to the bathroom when he wakes. Toilet and brush teeth. Then back to his room to dress in the clothes that I've laid out the night before. If your daughter likes to choose clothes get her to do it the night before.

After that he has all the time he needs to have breakfast and play. There's nothing else to do. Quick wipe with face cloth on the way out the door if he needs it.

What else is there to do?

At 3, honestly they don’t get themselves ready. You get them ready. Up and dressed straight from bed and cup of milk and breakfast to eat in the car on the way. Surely, 15 minutes tops if you were really in a rush. If they resist, you pick them up and go. Even my 12 year old, who has to do her hair and flap around dressing herself and finding her shoes and her homework is up and out the door 1 hour. (God, it was so much easier when she was 3 😩).

If you had less time youd be out quicker! Tell yourself you have to be at nursery for 8:30 and make it. No toys, games etc until after being ready.

I didn't mean to sound harsh by the way! I went back to work when youngest was 11 months and oldest was 2 and a half. I had two drop offs to do and had to be at work by 8. If she likes routine say this is the new routine and don't deviate from
That. Sounds harsh but the crying needs to not delay things. She needs to keep getting ready. Reward is tv or whatever she likes for 10 minutes. If she doesn't get the reward don't make time for her to have it just say oh dear well try again tomorrow. Best to get into good habits now before you throw work into the mix!

She doesn't need to hurry. Framing it that way makes it sound very stressful . You need to help her be ready for the right time by developing a predicable routine that works. I would do the same thing even in non nursery days. So you are all up dressed and breakfasted before the day starts. How do you get anywhere on time if it takes this long to get out of the door.

I have a 4 year old procrastinator, we have a 25 minute walk to nursery and have to be there by 8am. Honestly, I see it as my problem, not his. He’s 4. He has very little concept of real time so it’s my job to make sure things run smoothly. He is perfectly capable of getting dressed/making his breakfast/helping brush his own teeth but tbh, on nursery days why bother? Just do it for them and avoid the drama 🫠😂

What does your rough morning timetable look like?

DH works away for weeks at a time. I wake up at 5am. Get laundry on, dinner in the slow cooker if necessary, get myself completely ready for the day.
DS wakes at 6/6.30am, have a cuddle and get up, toilet & straight for breakfast. We usually sit and chat during breakfast. He can listen to his Yoto player while he eats if he wants but no other toys and no screens. After breakfast it’s time to get dressed then he can have half an hour or whatever time we have to play before we leave the house while I finish off doing anything that needs done (hanging laundry etc). We brush teeth last thing before leaving the house as doing it before breakfast causes a fight so I like to leave it half an hour after he’s eaten instead. Last visit to the toilet then we do our 25 min walk to nursery and then I walk to work.

If I was faffing about getting myself ready in the morning then DS always wants to be near me constantly asks me to come and read/play/sit etc and it takes 10x longer. He obviously needs that bit of attention in the mornings so I make sure I’m ready before he wakes and then he can get the attention

This first one works a treat for our five year old

Some of these posts are hilarious and written by parents who obviously didn’t have to corral the most stubborn toddler in the world. I can 100% get everything ready and organised and implement a routine etc., which my toddler can resist to the point of wailing tantrums. She’s also incredibly independent, so brushing her teeth and dressing her when she’s resistant often feels like perpetrating a genuine physical assault. I’m firm and she knows what she has to do, but she’s going through a phase atm where it’s more important to her to do what SHE wants than what I want, routine, reward, and clear boundaries be damned! I blame the arrival of her new sibling for some of this 😂

Good luck, OP. I like the idea of visual schedules though after two days of compliance with that my toddler suddenly decided NOPE. You might have more success. Giving lots of time for any essential activity, staying a mixture of bored by the antics (I try not to give anything too much oxygen) and firm over the boundaries you’ve set around the activity (for instance, my 2.8 year old is not allowed to come downstairs for breakfast until she’s dressed, however long it takes), and silent prayer is all I can suggest!

Thanks everyone (especially @Unsure4589 )! I honestly don’t know what takes so long! She is very stubborn, and emotional as I mentioned. Prior to having my second baby our routine was fine but unfortunately my other half introduced some steps while he was off work which make things take much longer and it’s really difficult to undo them now (eg putting “morning pyjamas” on when she gets up to eat brekkie and then getting dressed properly after, and I used to do her hair while she was eating but he made that into a separate task). I love the visual steps idea and I also do take the point that I should try being firm now and dealing with the fallout now rather than when I’m back at work. Will give both of these a go!

Morning pyjamas? What?

What the bloody hell is your husband talking about and why are you continuing to do that?

So she changes into different pj's in the morning just to eat in? How did this even become a thing?

You will just have to put up with the crying as you can't carry on like this. Lots of ideas with rewarda etc already given.

Start preparing her the night before that we need to be at nursery on time. What are the other children doing during the time she is missing? Perhaps make this a motivator of what the others are doing while she isn't there.

And your DH needs to help with the prep the night before.

Some great ideas here! Just to add, we let her choose what she wants to wear and honestly, as long as it’s safe and vaguely weather appropriate we let her what she wants. We also used to leave shoes, teeth and hair brushing until we got to nursery and had to do it in the car, this was when she was at her worst but doing it this way meant no arguments/tantrums and it was only a few weeks before she realised it had to be done at some point so was more willing to do it at home.

Drives me mad with changes other halves make to routines that really don't help in the long run! At times, mine will do anything for the quiet life but actually it makes more work or just create issues longer term. Have also learnt to say to my children that daddy and I don't always do things the same. It usually works......
Read Theres still no such thing as naughty by Kate Silverton. It's aimed at slightly older children but still really valuable resource for helping manage children and their behaviour.
Your DD may be stalling a bit as she'd prefer to be at home with you and little one. Whilst you do need to work towards a shorter get ready time for when you return to work, it maybe easier when both children are going to nursery.

Ds is autistic and needs a specific routine to get out the house . We used a visual time table to help. He's 9 now but our routine looks like this-

630 cuddles in bed
7 breakfast
730 play a game (I know!!)
745 brush teeth /wash and get dressed
805 play game
820 shoes/coat
825 leave

I have everything out and ready night before- clothes out and bag packed. Breakfast is same every day and takes 5 min to prepare.

Try to shave some time/pre prep stuff but also you may have to get up earlier!!

Morning pyjamas?? Bamboozled by that.

This is really helpful thanks. I don’t think she’s autistic but I’m not certain, as she really does get upset and emotional very easily (eg yesterday the kitchen table was set out differently than usual and she wouldn’t eat breakfast until I rearranged it). She also cries very very easily, she rarely tantrums but just sobs. I think having it all laid out really clearly will help a lot, I’m also going to try a fun timer.

she doesn’t like going to nursery so that definitely feeds into it. She can get ready pretty quick if we’re going somewhere fun!

I’m laughing at all the responses to morning pyjamas hahaha. She sleeps in shorts and I suppose he though it would be cute to let her put her long ones one in the morning, I have no idea really as it happened while I was in the depths of BF and co-sleeping with a newborn! One of those bizarre kid things that just make sense in our house 🤣