Take ex to court

[Mummaonherown]

You guys have been amazing, my friends views are always “one sided” so I look to you for advice.
Long story short
Ex and I spilt last year, briefly got back together but he cheated again
He now has a new gf met in oct/nov madly in love, she’s met my son (2 months in) he’s calling her “mum” (this has now been corrrected)
Ex still tells me he loves me, tries it with me all the time and has been sending sexual messages which I’ve ignored
Last week she went through his phone found messages he sent to me, his phone is now broke so I can’t reach him but he was supposed to collect son on Wednesday from nursery, he told me he couldn’t as he had no money to get here, his mum then told me he had gone to meet gf.
He was supposed to collect son again tonight from nursery for an overnight stay at his mums he didn’t turn up, no call nothing - his mum doesn’t know where he is.
He has been bad in the past with letting my son down, says one thing and does the opposite and I can’t help but think because of her findings she may have a influence of him being around me/son
I previously wanted to take this to court a year or so back as he was really bad with letting us down and I was at the end of my tether with him.
He hasn’t paid for his son since 6th December- claiming benefits when working and not declaring income, child maintenance won’t touch him until he’s off benefits (fraud he is taking over 3k a month from work and benefits at least) he’s a bricklayer so earns well rent minimal (he lied to get a council flat)
AIBU for asking him to go court for access now and get some structure in our lives. My plans are always cancelled due to him not doing what we agreed.
ive tried medation he’s not enagaing

Court can’t and won’t make him see your son so you’re wasting your time there.

Would HMRC be interested in income tax evasion?

To what end? All a court will do is stipulate that you have to make your child available for your ex to collect on set days and times. They can't and won't make him collect. It will make your life harder without affecting your ex at all.

If you want a fight then pursue the maintenance and fraud instead.

Like PP have said, focus your energy on the maintenance and fraud as you have at least some chance of extracting financial support. A court case will do nothing except consume your time and money as the courts cannot force a parent to see their child.

But the most helpful thing of all that you can do is to lower your expectations of him to zero and focus on how you can build a good life for you and your son that does not rely on your ex in any way. He sounds like a complete waster and I’d be surprised if he is around at all within a couple of years.

@ChonkyRabbit I have, child maintenance told me to report him to benefit fraud which I did, they told me 6 months minimum to investigate so unless he comes off benefits on his own, until child maintenance get a notification from dwp then I'm without a penny (unless he has a change of heart and gives me some money)

I honestly don't know what to do, I just know I don't what this to affect my son

The best thing you can do is to be there for your DS.

Like others have said there's no point on taking him to Court to arrange contact, you can't force him to see his DS.

Do you think a shared parenting app would help? If he's willing to use one, then you can block him on everything else.

Until then, ignore any messages that aren't related to him seeing his DS. If he communicates using WhatsApp you can remove the tick notifications so he won't know if you've seen or read his messages anyway.

If he ever does decide to apply for a Child Arrangements Order then the Court will want to know that you've offered contact.

And as well as reporting him for Benefit Fraud, I'd also report him to the HMRC for tax avoidance.

@TinyMouseTheatre he won't use a shared parenting app, he refused to download it. He won't use a third party either. He wanted to go through me and me directly.

He will never ever apply to court, never so I don't have that worry, I'm simply going to get on with my life now and hopefully be just disappears