Help! 11 week old baby crying

[TinkerTinkerbelle]

Does it get easier? When? How?

FTM 11 wk old baby. Single Mum. I’m finding it very hard because right from the start she’s always wanted to be held constantly or she instantly screams. I know that’s normal but mine seems very extreme. My sisters and friends babies were never like this - they always seemed to be chilled. I’ve always held her and cuddled her, rarely put her down as she won’t tolerate the play mat, bouncy chair or tummy time for more than a minute. She’s EBF. It’s just me and her so I have no one to hold her when I go to the toilet or take a shower. So I either take her with me to the toilet or run and go fast while she screams. Showers are 2 minutes while she screams. I didn’t intend to co sleep but she would never sleep in the crib - it’s impossible so yes we co sleep. I feel like if anything she’s got worse -she used to like the pram but now has a complete meltdown every time we go out to the point where I feel like I’m torturing her taking her out and I’ve got massive anxiety about going anywhere. My mum said today that it’s my fault for always holding her - like I’ve broken my baby or something? It does seem like other people’s babies are way more chilled and they can take them out, pop them down on a play mat or in a swing. People seem to stare at me when we’re out and she’s screaming - like this isn’t normal? What am I doing wrong? Did anyone else go through this? When did it get better? She does have reflux which may be part of why she cries. She’s on Gaviscon. But mainly it seems it’s because she won’t tolerate not being held 24/7. It’s hard on my own with no break but mostly it’s hard thinking something I’m doing wrong is making my baby sad? I thought I was meant to respond to her needs, cuddle her all the time etc and she’d be a happy baby? But she cries a lot and I feel like I’m getting something wrong. I read that 6-8 weeks was peak crying and then it improves? Mine has honestly been getting worse weeks 9-11. Will she just grow out of it? Will I be able to take her out in public without extreme crying? Looking for reassurance that it’s going to be ok. Thanks x

You have to attend to your needs (toilet, shower, food etc) even if that means she will cry. Babies cry OP. It won’t kill her not traumatise her. But you cannot be a good mum if you let it all slide for you too.

Bless you. I didn't have one like this but know people who did. The reflux could be causing her a lot of discomfort - worth looking at support groups for advice as well as your local feeding clinic as what you're doing may not be enough to help settle her. There are lots of different ways to try and help with it. Have you tried a dummy to help soothe her a bit when you need 5 mins to shower etc? One thing I do know is they do all grow out of this phase at some point, but given how extensively she's crying I would speak with feeding clinic +/- GP. It's not that you are doing anything wrong, just some babies are bigger criers than others and some struggle more with reflux type symptoms etc. You sound like you're being wonderfully attentive to her, keep going x

Firstly, you are not alone in this struggle and it does get better 💐 you are doing so well.

I'm a lone parent to a 6mo and have been since birth, with minimal support. My DD was like this for the first 3 months and i too got the comments to say it was my fault for not putting her down and not just leaving her to cry. She wont only nap/settle on me or in a moving pram. I sadly had to give up BF (she wouldn't latch so I exclusively expressed) because I barely had time to wash my pump before she was screaming to be picked up again. I was having to go 5-7 days without a bath (didn't have a shower), couldn't find time to cook so had to live on takeaways and the house was a tip. In the end I found a sling really helped to give me the freedom to do jobs around the house whilst baby still napped on me.

Then I took small steps to gradually build up a sense of normality again. By 3m she was starting to enjoy tummy time and being in a bouncer whilst she could see/hear me which gave us both some freedom. Now its bittersweet because she's more active and the only time time she really wants a cuddle is when she's tired or when she's windy in pain. In 6m I've only had around 1 hour away from her for a dentist appointment, so that side of things is unlikely to change but I accept that she/this is my life now and it's a lot more enjoyable now without the non stop screaming 😅

Reflux is tough. My eldest had terrible reflux. She was constantly screaming and throwing up. It got better after weaning. In the meantime we elevated her head end so her head is higher than her feet. My cot had a function to do it. Otherwise, you can use books. Just make sure it's stable. I swaddled and used white noise at night. During the day I generally used the baby carrier because she was more comfortable upright until she was able to sit up in the pram. The gp gave us baby gaviscon and liquid antacids I can't remember what it was called. If your breastfeeding certain foods make acid worse so it might be worth cutting them out.

https://www.enfamil.com/articles/breastfeeding-positions-for-reflux/

Mainly coming here to say that sounds SO hard. Do you have any friends who could walk her (even if crying!) around in the pram for 20-30 minutes so you can have a break?

Showers, loo breaks - I used to put my baby in the basket and call "it's ok! I'm here!" as LO howled. It was tough, but it gradually got better. If I timed it right in the morning, LO would fall asleep while I was in the shower (especially if breastfed first).

I hope things get better soon.

Have you got a sling? It was an absolute lifesaver for me with 2 of my babies who hated being put down. I know this might be controversial but have a look at hey bear baby sensory on YouTube - I know screen time isn't good for babies but mine loved it and it gave me the time I needed to shower knowing they were safely clipped into a chair and not screaming.

Reading this brought me back to my child's first few months. They were bloody awful and made me depressed. I know exactly what you are going through with the anxiety and confusion. I resented other mums with their chilled out babies sleeping in the pram or gurgling on play mats at baby groups whilst mine wailed like he was in agony. I stopped going out, couldn't face the car or pram knowing he would scream blue murder.

It DOES get better. They grow. It feels like it will never end when you are going through it but it isn't that long. At 6 months, I could do all the things I wanted to do like go to cute baby clubs and take him for a daily walk. It felt like a long slog to get there but it's not that long in the grand scheme of things. I tried everything as was so desperate - gp, different medications, hospital, even osteopathy, slings, different bouncers, reclining cots. Nothing worked except time so save your money and sanity! Second baby was a dream: I had definitely earned it!

And just to add mine grew out of it when they started working out they could explore playing with things and start rolling. I always wondered if some of the screaming was frustration as they all hated tummy time at first too

Thank you for all your replies.

I do have a carrier and she does like it for a little while - it’s the only way I can get house work done. I took her out in it for the first time today to the shop on a trial run and it was a success! I’m so pleased because I’ve got to take her into town for an appointment next week and I was dreading it but fingers crossed she will be happier if I take her in the carrier rather than the pram. I just dread going out atm. I have booked baby sensory classes but now I’m dreading it- she’s going to be the only one screaming!

Ive tried a dummy again and again but she can’t keep it in. I think it seems like it’s more that she can’t do it rather than doesn’t want to. She seems interested but it falls out every two seconds and then she gets frustrated and upset so it makes the situation worse. We have the MAM ones. Are there any she might find easier to keep in?

Her bedside crib does tilt but she won’t go in there at all - screams like it’s a bed of nails!

Sleep isn’t great - she sleeps most of the day and is up most of the night. I feel depleted.

She seems like such an unhappy baby - she cries as soon as she wakes up like she’s just annoyed at being awake.

I’ve tried everything. At first I worried for a long time that she wasn’t getting enough milk but I think she is. She does sick a lot of it back up which is frustrating but she’s putting on weight so GP and HV say it’s fine. I’ve been doing non dairy for a while now in case that helps but it doesn’t seem to.

I worried she was over tired and I think often that is why she screams. Since been tracking wake windows and naps etc and I’m really careful about all of that - she gets lots of sleep. But honestly it’s getting worse and worse - she cries a lot and just generally seems like such an angry baby. When she does smile it’s so magical! It’s such a shame. It makes me feel like I’m getting it all wrong. Things that used to work to sooth her have stopped working. I think she is definitely uncomfortable with the reflux. I’ve tried to take her back to the GP for the third time the last couple of days but can’t get an appointment- I’ll keep trying. Hopefully there’s something better than the Gaviscon.

Sorry for the rant. It really helps to hear other people can relate and it will get better. Hopefully not too long! I just want a happy baby!

Take her to an osteopath asap my baby was just like this took him and it was night and day the reflux was sooo much better she released a lot of tension

mrssunshinexxx Thanks. I’m not sure what an osteopath does? What did they do for your baby?

Gaviscon did nothing for my boy's reflux and he was miserable. He's on liquid Omeprezole now strawberry flavour and is a much happier little man. They initially put him on tablets that I had to dissolve which was a nightmare, then liquid Omeprezole which tastes awful so he'd scream. But the strawberry flavour is a winner. You have to argue it with the GP though and the pharmacies can struggle to find it as it's a specialist item but they can find it eventually. Your health visitor might be able to help advocate for you with the GP. Some are more helpful than others. Good luck. The reflux is awful!! You have my sympathies

@TinkerTinkerbelle released tension from birth specifically in his jaw

Do you mind if i ask about the strawberry omeprazole - do you ask your gp to specifically prescribe it, or do they just prescribe the standard one and the pharmacy adds the flavouring? As i am not having any luck finding flavoured and the gp have told me its for the pharmacy to do and the pharmacy said its not possible to add stuff!

Op our boy hates the mam dummies too, theyre too flat i think so they cant latch easily. He loves the tommee tippee ones as theyre much rounder. Good luck!

And can i just say how much of a superstar you are to be dealing with this as a single parent! Your daughter is lucky to have you 🥰

@curiouscat1987 thank you ☺️

She SCREAMED through her appointment this week and we’ve just been to her first baby sensory class and all the other babies were just chilled - mine cried through the whole thing and we left early. I was getting pitying looks from the other mums - no chance to chat to anyone as I was just rocking my crying baby. Taking her anywhere is just so stressful. I’ll try again next week.

Hi @TinkerTinkerbelle
how are things now? I have an 11 week old and I am in a very very similar situation. I feel like I want to run away! I have my 3 year old at home too who I feel like I can’t give as much attention to as I would like because the baby is so tricky :( (cries in between feeds and sleep, will only sleep in the sling/in my arms)