Anxiety about becoming a new mum

[Rosiebun]

Hi everyone,

i’m currently 32 weeks pregnant and I’m currently feeling really anxious about becoming a new mum.

I did feel quite anxious at the beginning of my pregnancy, I think I was quite shocked to find out I was actually pregnant! But by the time the second trimester came around I was feeling a lot better. However, as my due date is getting closer I’m starting to feel really worried. I know it’s probably hormones, but I just can’t stop thinking that I’m not going to be able to cope, worried about relationship changes with my partner and just generally worried about losing myself. The “just wait” and “oooh you won’t have time for that” and “sleep now because you’ll never sleep again” comments from people don’t help either, even from friends who I feel should know better to be honest.

I’m also really worried to talk to my partner about this too, as he is so excited for the baby to come, I’m worried he’ll be upset with me for feeling like this.

is it normal to be feeling like this? Am I completely naive for what’s to come or are people just generally negative about motherhood? Is it really that bad?

Motherhood is the best things for a large amount of time, boring at others and one of the worst things in some moments. But it’s different for everyone.

Felling this anxious isn’t abnormal but it also shouldn’t be the norm. I would ask your midwife to refer you to the maternal mental health team and talk to your partner, maybe when your appointment comes you won’t need it but it’s all in place. I know this isn’t depression but it’s more common to develop depression in pregnancy than PND. Your mental health can take a battering in pregnacy.

Of course it's normal to be anxious, this is a massive new thing that you've never done before! There are lots of things that are tough about being a new mum but sooooo many more brilliant things, soon you will have a little person who adores you and just wants you to cuddle them all the time! Just you wait... until the baby is old enough to cuddle you back and tell you they love you, that is the best feeling in the world! There is a thread on here somewhere where people listed all the best bits about becoming a mum which is worth a read.

Maybe start making a list of things that will help you when times get tough, for example, you have a partner who is really excited about the baby. Do you have family or friends nearby who can help out? Have you signed up for an antenatal class to meet people? (this saved my life in the first year!) Have you got some nice parks, coffee shops, etc things to do nearby that you can take the baby? Hope some of this is useful for you.

Awh I could have written this exact post 5 years ago! How you’re feeling is so completely natural and the fact that you’re worrying about it shows how much you care about being a good Mum! Anyone who is scaring the life out of you with those comments really should know better and you should ignore them - some women in my office convinced me I was going to feel like I was literally dying in labour, to the point that I did the whole thing without any pain relief because I was ‘waiting’ for the death-like pain to start! Yes things in your life will change - your body will
feel different, your daily routine will shift, etc., but there will be loads of things that change for the better too! And yes, you will cope! It’s a difficult thing to provide specific reassurance about because right now motherhood is a completely abstract concept to you. I had a million worries in my last couple of weeks - how the labour would be, whether they’d feed properly, how they’d sleep, whether I’d bond, how I’d cope etc. And then (after what was not a great labour), they lifted my son onto me for the first time and I felt something in my heart slot into place. Motherhood has simultaneously been the best AND the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it’s a journey and you just learn with each stage - even with a 5 year old I learn something new every day. Your early days will be a cycle of nappy, feed, wind, sleep. But then they’ll start interacting more, smiling etc and you’ll get into the flow of weaning, getting them onto solid food. Then before you know it they’ll be moving around, crawling, walking, chatting. You will just evolve as each new stage comes - my life has never been happier, my relationship is the strongest it’s ever been and my heart has never been more full - all because of becoming a Mum. My advice to you in these last weeks is to rest and sleep lots, eat well as your body really needs it in the ‘forth trimester’. Have an honest conversation with your partner - being honest with each other about the struggles of parenthood is so important and you might as well start now. Just say to him that you’re so excited and you don’t want to impact his excitement, but you’re also feeling quite anxious and some reassurance and support from him would be really helpful. Going into this in the mindset of “being a team” is one of the best things you can do for your relationship as parents. Chat to your midwife and health visitor too - ask if you can join antenatal group. One of my biggest regrets was not being more honest with my health visitor - I was worried she would think I was a bad mum (for being tired/overwhelmed etc!) and all I did was close myself off to help when I needed it. And yes - your identity will change but I am 10000% a better, happier, healthier, more motivated person because I am a Mum, so you might actually discover some new things you love about yourself! The first couple of years are consuming so it’s important to carve out time for yourself - in the early days it might be having a long bath while the baby sleeps. As they get older it gets much easier to get back into hobbies/exercise etc. And your true friends will have your back and will accept that meet ups might not be as frequent/straightforward for a while. Good luck with everything mama - you will be amazing ❤️ xxx

I would t take the slightest bit of notice of anyone else. Motherhood is not some kind of standard experience. I don’t recognise the vast majority of the stuff I read on here. You’ve never had a child before, and this baby has never been born before — you’ll figure it out between you.