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Original poster

MIL

7 replies

franki12 · 21/02/2025 10:07

Hello!

Just after some advice?
How many times do you all see your in laws?

My MIL lives abroad through own choice recently, but since having a baby returns every month/6 weeks for a week or 2.
She has a house and partner over here 10 minutes from us, so stays there reluctantly when she returns ( if she had it her way she would live here when she returns).

We get on OK... not much in common, I tolerate her cause tbh I just think she gets involved too much and her son can do no wrong basically.

We are very busy new parents our baby is 9 months old we love to meet up with friends their babies, take our baby for days out, attend a lot of christenings ect ect we often have stuff on.

Every time my MIL comes home she expects to see us ALOT.
At the moment my partner works away quite a bit so I look forward to the family time when he's home at weekends, but she cannot understand why we want it to just be us 3 sometimes and also trying to get my partner to understand this can be hard too sometimes he does sometimes he doesn't.

For example, she has just come home for two weeks and we have seen her on 4 separate occasions already. I was away last weekend so she actually spent Thursday - Sunday staying at our house to see her son and grandchild. But also seen her for a dinner out, a lunch out and come round to our house.
Still this isn't enough for her- she has messaged my partner to say why hasn't she been involved more and next time can he plan more cause she only has limited time to spend and thinks we are always too busy.

This weekend we are at a christening... sorry but that is not our fault? And we have already planned to see his grandma on the Saturday who we haven't seen in a couple of weeks, we said to her come? And she has said no she can see us anytime and it's not fair on her who's just home for short amount of time.

I am going back to work shortly so soon my weekends will be my only free time I have with our baby and partner and will want to be making memories going on days out ect ect. I just know it's going to cause a problem, because she will want to come to every day out and can't understand why she can't be involved in everything.
I don't mind doing the odd thing here and there when she's home but I feel pressured to see her every day of the weekend (all day) when she comes back.

Please help x

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Madre123 · 21/02/2025 10:10

You will be a grandmother yourself possibly one day and will totally understand......she probably feels no sense of purpose, no value, not needed etc....

Make the most of your time....let her spend time with the little one so you can take time for yourself...

Original poster
franki12 · 21/02/2025 10:13

franki12 · 21/02/2025 10:07

Hello!

Just after some advice?
How many times do you all see your in laws?

My MIL lives abroad through own choice recently, but since having a baby returns every month/6 weeks for a week or 2.
She has a house and partner over here 10 minutes from us, so stays there reluctantly when she returns ( if she had it her way she would live here when she returns).

We get on OK... not much in common, I tolerate her cause tbh I just think she gets involved too much and her son can do no wrong basically.

We are very busy new parents our baby is 9 months old we love to meet up with friends their babies, take our baby for days out, attend a lot of christenings ect ect we often have stuff on.

Every time my MIL comes home she expects to see us ALOT.
At the moment my partner works away quite a bit so I look forward to the family time when he's home at weekends, but she cannot understand why we want it to just be us 3 sometimes and also trying to get my partner to understand this can be hard too sometimes he does sometimes he doesn't.

For example, she has just come home for two weeks and we have seen her on 4 separate occasions already. I was away last weekend so she actually spent Thursday - Sunday staying at our house to see her son and grandchild. But also seen her for a dinner out, a lunch out and come round to our house.
Still this isn't enough for her- she has messaged my partner to say why hasn't she been involved more and next time can he plan more cause she only has limited time to spend and thinks we are always too busy.

This weekend we are at a christening... sorry but that is not our fault? And we have already planned to see his grandma on the Saturday who we haven't seen in a couple of weeks, we said to her come? And she has said no she can see us anytime and it's not fair on her who's just home for short amount of time.

I am going back to work shortly so soon my weekends will be my only free time I have with our baby and partner and will want to be making memories going on days out ect ect. I just know it's going to cause a problem, because she will want to come to every day out and can't understand why she can't be involved in everything.
I don't mind doing the odd thing here and there when she's home but I feel pressured to see her every day of the weekend (all day) when she comes back.

Please help x

This weekend we have planned to see my grandmother in law which she is coming too even though she didn't want to cause would rather see us on her own.
But that's still not enough wants to come back to our house after that and spend the evening with us.

OP posts:
JimHalpertsWife · 21/02/2025 10:15

I presume she also comes back frequently to spend time with her partner too?

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Original poster
franki12 · 21/02/2025 10:18

JimHalpertsWife · 21/02/2025 10:15

I presume she also comes back frequently to spend time with her partner too?

Kind of - but no so much in all the plans she makes he doesn't really attend... she never seems to make plans with him. My partner doesn't really understand their relationship as they seem to be just living together but not much else going on...

I feel like she just relies on her son to do things with and if we are busy she is mad about it.

OP posts:
crosstalk · 21/02/2025 10:36

@Madre123 I think most grandmothers - apart from the ones you read about on here - have no desire to overwhelm their children and their partners by being around all the time to see their grandchildren. Of course they love seeing their grandchildren and offer childcare and days out, but they mostly appreciate they've had motherhood and now it's up to their children to enjoy bringing up their own. Of course many grandparents are still working and those that aren't have friends and commitments if not a partner to spend time with.

Gazelda · 21/02/2025 10:53

I think that I'd use your return to work as an opportunity to review plans going forward.

"MIL, I'm returning to work on x date. I'm getting my calendar sorted now, so that DH and I can juggle holidays, sickness cover etc. Let's put some dates in the diary for when you're coming over and maybe we can put a long weekend in for us to find an Airbnb near to your overseas home some time in the summer. We'll have less free time and will want to fit in other family, visits with friends etc so I think spending a weekend with you every 6 weeks or so would work best. We can face time a couple of times every week in between.

I'm sure you'll understand that DH needs down time as he has such a busy work life."

In fact, this should come from him to his mum. Would he do that?

FrenzyFriend · 21/02/2025 10:57

I haven't seen mine in 7 years. She lives abroad, thankfully.

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