Choosing to have a child alone as a single mother & financial impact

[HealthyBalance23]

Hi,
Have been strongly considering having a child on my own for a long time and it's become all consuming and all I want now, after break ups and not finding right partner. I have a mortgage of £1500ish and my take home after tax and pension is c. £3300. Government help increases in September to free 30 hour cover for 9month + nursury costs (does this mean 3 X 10 hour days covered?) Potentially help from family 1 or 2 days a week while child is pre school also. Do you think this is viable financially?

I think you need to go through your bills and essential spending (not just mortgage) and see how much you have spare each month. Can the 30 hours be taken as 3 x 10 hours as it may be that there are restrictions on when you can use them (for example you may have to take them as 5 x 6). Are they term time only or all year round? Lots of nurseries charge top up fees, can you afford those?

No one can tell you whether it is the right choice, and affordability depends on where you live as well as lifestyle.

If you want to send your child to a private school, no, I would not say you have enough. Although you cannot plan for all eventualities, it is worth thinking about what kind of schools are in your area; what options are there if you have a child with SEND? Do you have someone who can look after the child if you are sick or if they are sent home from school? Do the nurseries offer working hours and does the primary school have a breakfast club so you can get to work or after school club so you can finish a full day? You will want to have time off now and then - a night out for your birthday perhaps - make sure you are happy to ask for help and won't be someone who feels guilty because you know the people around you are supportive.

Having a kid solo is great and has many benefits in comparison to living with an abusive, lazy, or unkind partner. However making all of the choices every day year in and year out is exhausting and you do need some family or very very good friends around who are aware of what you may need. It isn't just about the money, as I am sure you know. Being strong enough to know you can be firm when needed, stick to rules, show all the love, support learning, inform their morals and pay enough attention to them to see if they are on the wrong path... The hard parts are often what makes parenting so rewarding.

Don't do it. It's difficult enough with a partner to bear the burden. Let alone as a single parent. Also don't trust parents etc that say they'll be around. They can die on you or get too ill or forget how hard and tiring childcare is and back track on their promise

I did it when I was skint. We got through it somehow. Now he's left home my finances are fine. I'd do it again if I went back in time.
There were times when things were really stressful but we managed. He is the best thing I ever did.

Specifically on the childcare thing, it’s not really 30 free hours, it’s more realistic to think of them as “reduced”, and it’s not 30 hours a week unless you only use it term time, spread over the full year it’s less than 30 a week.

My daughter starts nursery next week, 3 days a week and once her entitlement to 30 free hours kicks in our bill will still be around £600 per month, they charge a top up fee for funded hours because the amount they get from the gov doesn’t cover it and they also then charge you consumables on top of that, so it’s still nowhere near free. 5 days a week would obviously be more than that. It’s still a big help as it does reduced the cost, but it’s not free by any means.

Tight until the funding kicks in but is do able, my salary was similar when I had my first. It’s tough but you won’t regret it.

Is your job flexible and understanding enough that you can be at home when your child is sick and can’t go to nursery? It will happen very frequently for the first few months.

Perfectly doable but make sure you don't have twins . Yours sincerely a single mum of twins.

It also depends on what else you have to pay for, our household bills excluding our mortgage come to about £900-1000, council tax, utilities, home/life/critical illness insurance (which you’d really need as a sole parent incase you find yourself unable to work), phone bills, car insurance, wifi etc, so based on that if yours is similar it would be:

£3300 income
-£1500 mortgage
-£900 household bills
-£600 potentially for childcare

Would only leave £300 for food, toiletries, saving, clothes, shoes, petrol/bus/train etc. You could end up needing full time childcare so that would take up all of that £300 and then some potentially.

I wouldn’t personally do it in that situation

Thanks for all your responses so far! Really helpful to have other perspectives and things to consider.
@Mrsttcno1 bills are nowhere near that, more like 400-450 but that's including gym memberships and TV subs etc so could be reduced also

I think you would want to be sure about the help available. How flexible is your job?

If we said bills 450, mortgage 1500, childcare potentially £600+, then that leaves about £750, out of that you’d then need your own food shopping/toiletries/clothes, baby formula/nappies/wipes/clothes.. I’d still say that’s quite tight.

Do you get a good maternity leave package through your employer or is it just statutory? How flexible is your employer/job for nursery, sick days etc? It will have more of an impact as a solo parent as nobody to trade off with so every sick day is you, every pick up and drop off is you, all holidays/half terms etc will be yours to cover even once in school.

Hello, I did it on much less, it's totally doable. Check out SMBC groups on facebook to meet other women who have made this choice and I can recommend doing a coaching course with The Stork and I.

To answer your questions about childcare, it's a bit complex. Many nurseries put a surcharge on the hours. So my son is in nursery 3 days a week and as the nursery is open for 10 hours each day that's my 30 hours. They charge £1.50 for every 'free' hour so I pay around £300 a month. Childminders however are much cheaper, most charge £5/6 an hour and your free hours really are free. So if you need full time childcare they're a more affordable option. Try checking in with local providers and asking their rates.

Careful with your mortgage. Having dependents can impact on your affordability check.

Consider downsizing or living somewhere cheaper or closer to family and friends if you can.

Good luck! I can tell you one thing, it's been the hardest thing I've ever done but I have never regretted it for a moment.