Did I respond to this in the right way?

[Allornothing9]

DD is 2.7, and is mostly a lovely child but obviously has her moments. These moments are worse when she’s feeling poorly, which she is at the moment (a bit of a cold, nothing sinister).

I met up with MIL and DD’s cousins at a role play cafe type place today. DD was playing but then snatched a toy off her baby cousin a few times. I told her that wasn’t kind and we need to share etc, to which she picked up a fake pepper and launched it at my face.

I said ok we’re going outside to talk about that, obviously she started sobbing. I put her shoes on and took her outside, got down to her level and said that was not kind and absolutely not ok, we don’t throw bla bla. She then said sorry for hurting me, we had a cuddle and went back to playing.

MIL was pretty horrified that I had taken her outside (it was raining but it was only for a minute to regulate!) and thinks I’m just too much tough love. I think DD responds much better when she’s parented this way.

Did I do the right thing? She’s my first and I have no bloody idea what I’m doing.

Sounds like you handled it well @Allornothing9

You definitely did the right thing OP.

Definitely did the right thing. Throwing things in anger and hurting someone isn't ok, if you'd brushed it off it's giving the message it's fine to behave like that.

Not sure what your MIL is so horrified about, you didn't take her outside for a lashing, you just gave her a deserved telling off.

Why did you take her out in the rain? Out of the room would have worked perfectly well?

It's exactly what I would have done.

You probably shouldn't have taken her in the first place. Taking a poorly child to a noisy place with other kids is setting her up to fail really.

Taking her away from the situation was good though. I probably wouldn't have gone outside, but definitely away from the play area for sure.
As it was, you implied that you were actually leaving,when you weren't.

Taking her away from the situation to talk to her is a solid technique. Out of the situation she can regulate herself, there's also the sensory aspect of going outdoors which may be calming. It also helps her understand that an action like that has a consequence.

Sounds well handled to me.

You absolutely did the right thing. Well done

You handled it well. I wouldn’t have gone outside, just into a corner/the corridor/toilets or pulled her aside etc.

I said ok we’re going outside to talk about that

You did the right thing, OP. Some people will criticise you no matter what you do.

MIL is a but of a drip. If anything some would say you weren’t harsh enough and it should have been straight home.

You handled it perfectly.....well done mum

Clear, consistent, fair boundaries, just what kids need.

Yes, you absolutely handled it the right way. You took her away from the situation, explained simply why her behaviour wasn't right, she apologised for hurting you and you then drew a line under the matter. In my experience of my own parents (especially my Dad), once Grandparents suddenly they go soft!! My Dad was much harder on me as a child, but my son...he got away with lots more!!

It's fine. You resolved it calmly and quickly. Ignore your MIL. She parented different kids in a different era.

Too far for a 2 year old!
you handed it well OP.

Ahh thanks everyone 💕 it’s all long forgotten now and we’ve had a lovely afternoon. She was just knackered, and I probably shouldn’t have taken her in the first place but you live and learn! I also went outside as I find that fresh air seems to regulate her so much faster.

Toddler tantrums.. just when I think we’ve cracked them you get a plastic pepper to the face.

100% agree with this. My dad was strict with us and lets my kids get away with all the things we weee allowed to do!

Nonsense.

A small, over tired and poorly child made a poor impulsive decision because they were angry, and were put in a situation they shouldn't have been in by the adults in charge. She was (inadvertently) set up to fail, so give her a break.

Taking her home immediately would not have helped. It reinforces the idea that negative emotions are to be punished. It would have prolonged the situation and achieved fuck all.

The OP handled it well, removed her from the situation, told her what the expected behaviour is and returned.

I took my child to a summer party and was sat talking to her with my little one on my shoulder (no raised voices and no crying or anything). I was telling her to pass me her sweet before she ran off dancing or to eat it first because they’d asked the children not to eat sweets while dancing. A volunteer (a woman in her 60s) came up behind me and grabbed my daughter’s arm and said “come dance with me”. I explained I had the situation under control and she just wanted to play while eating. She said “give the sweet to mummy” but when I again explained I have it under control myself she took her to the dance floor and began waving her arms around. My daughter is 2 for reference. In the end I had to go over and take my daughter away and ignore the woman until she left. The party overall was lovey but I couldn’t stop thinking about it and how upset I was that she’d grabbed my daughter without her or my consent. I don’t doubt that she meant well but it didn’t make it right and I don’t want other parents feeling uncomfortable too. I sent the venue a message and asked could they speak to the volunteer and let her know that touching children without parent consent is too far. They’ve replied to say she is mortified, won’t volunteer again and because she’s a key part of organising that they won’t do events again. I feel awful now that the children’s events won’t be run again and my intention was only to ensure the volunteer didn’t overstep boundaries in future unintentionally

I would say this is perfect. I was a kindergarten teacher before becoming a SAHM and imo this is good gentle parenting. Far too many parents are alien to discipline these days and it shows.

Ive worked in the UK and in Europe and the UK children are the worst behaved. The parenting styles are completely different and it shows. Children want and need boundaries, it tells them they are safe and they can rely on mum and dad to guide them.