Returning after mat leave - does it get better?

[Mute11]

I returned from maternity leave this week after 10 months off.

Im in a new team, new clients, projects, manager etc. I’ve also been promoted which is great.

However I’m finding it so hard. I miss my baby obviously. DH is actually on parental leave for 6 weeks which is making the transition easier as we don’t need to be out of the house in the morning etc but I’m still finding myself doing all bedtimes, bathtimes, breakfast etc and the days feel so long. DH hasn’t got out of the house with baby at all so far and I’m worried he’s bored and can’t think DS would be better with me as we at least used to get out and about.

I loved my maternity leave and feel so nostalgic for it. Even being in the house makes me upset as it reminds me of the days on leave.

At work I feel like a spare part as nothing has been handed over to me yet. Today I literally have nothing to do. I’ve stayed wfh instead of the office as the thought of being in the office with no work is killing me - at least at home I can get up from my desk for 5 mins etc.

My flexible working request isn’t being reviewed until end of March due to year-end and my promotion salary hasn’t even been processed yet, even though it was confirmed in November!

Does it get easier? I’ve been sobbing this morning as I hate things so much.

I felt much the same. It's a huge adjustment. I felt totally lost, had hardly anything to do. Gradually things have picked up. I'd say just try and get through the week- each week will get a bit easier. I found it easier going into the office to help get me start to get more involved in things.
I'd say it took a month to settle. And now I'm enjoying being back to work- I feel like I've got a bit of my pre-mum self back. I absolutely loved maternity, but being it work makes me appreciate the time I have with my baby so much more.
Congrats on the promotion!

It will get easier. Can you try to reframe the lack of things to do as a positive thing? At least it gives you time to ease in gently, spend time swatting up on what you missed, any CPD you can do? Also take lots of short breaks to be with baby when WFH. You’ll miss this when things start to get busy and stressful.

I think it’s so important that Dad gets proper time with baby so well done for splitting the leave. My husband didn’t really appreciate how long the days are until he did a day a week of childcare. Also he learnt how to pack the bag (replenishing nappies, prepping food), plan around naps etc and it frees you up in the long term from being the default parent.

But yes it’s hard, it’s so so tiring, and it’s sad to be away from baby. Sending hugs x

Work will get easier - I think companies don't really think through returning mums and therefore it's a bit like being brand new where you are not busy and trying to look useful. Fill your days wherever you can.

Are you wfh or office? Either way it's time to start taking turns on the bedtime front, you'll both be at work soon and it can't just be your responsibility.

Ah just read you are hybrid but wfh as nothing to do. Go into the office, keep busy reorganising your emails or background reading on your new client, intro calls whatever it takes, lots of walks

Leave the house and leave it up to your DH to get baby up and dressed and fed. This is his parental leave and he needs to get on with it, unacceptable to not leave the house with a 10 month old, suggest a couple of classes / library sessions etc and then let him get on with it. You know your husband, would he react well to you telling him that baby needs to get out of the house each day or do you need to try a different tactic

And finally my sympathies for your situation, I loved being off on mat leave and hated returning to work but once back in the swing it will all be okay (or just win the lottery and stay off)

I am hybrid, supposed to do 1 day per week in the office although sadly none of my team work in my local office so it wouldn’t really give me more to do! I am going to make the effort next week to try to get in.

I also feel sooo guilty leaving my baby and worry he’s going to forget about me, when we only have weekends together.

It is a very difficult transition and will almost certainly get better as you get into a routine. I'm not sure why your husband can't do this himself but I would find and maybe book him some activities like swimming, library events, baby groups or if that isn't his scene suggest he takes the baby in the pram or sling somewhere he wants to go. You'll feel better knowing your baby is having fun and new experiences. Nursery or other childcare will be another difficult transition but I liked knowing my babies were playing and learning and doing things I didn't do at home like messy play and forrest school and spending time with other kids.

Also your baby will absolutely not forget about you whilst you are at work! Weekends, bank holidays, annual leave adds up.

Your baby won't forget you, hopefully you will end up feeling happy and fulfilled at work and baby will be happy and developing nicely at nursery. And evenings and weekends will be extra special family time. Are you full time 5 days a week? If it continues to be awful could you consider dropping a day?

I’ve requested this either compressed hours or dropping a day entirely (whichever the business can accommodate) but the requests aren’t being reviewed until April. I have used my accrued AL to take a day off each week until then with a view to having to use more to keep it going if I need to. I’m worried it won’t get approved although lots of my colleagues work flexibly.