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Parenting

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What is better here?

10 replies

Suenamee · 20/02/2025 08:46

So... This is my first post. And I'm nervous to make it. I have a 2 and a half year old daughter. She's non verbal. Suspected autism. But this is besides the point. We still live with her father. Technically most would call it a relationship. But it's not. It hasn't been a proper one in almost 3 years. I get verbally insulted and talked down about each and every day. This morning he litterly confirmed that he don't even see me as a human, and I'll quote "you're just some idiot who's leeching off me all the time". Oh yeah I suppose this is a good time to say I'm a stay at home mom too. He never helps me. Never tries to spend time with either of us unless he has to. Never let's me have a break. I get 1 shower a week and he will moan about having to watch her for those 15 minutes. I get insulted daily. I get threatened to get thrown out every few days. And I've just about had enough. Issue is, all my family and friends live in another country. See I'm not originally from here. So I have no support network. I have 1 friend. A single friend. Who's luckily agreed that if I really want to can bring my daughter along and stay with him. Only issue is his house isn't entirely child friendly. He is known for smoking weed. As far as I know he does it indoors at some points. He would air it out in advance if I decide to go. And only do it outside after. I struggled getting a job before I was even a parent and could apply to any job out there with no limitations. Now it's be near impossible. So these are my choices. I either stay in an emotionally abusive relationship if you can call it that for atleast several more years. Or until it kills me. Or I take a chance with my friend. But neither are optimal and I simply don't know what option is better.

OP posts:
EducatingArti · 20/02/2025 08:50

You are in a horrible situation and your partner is being abusive towards you.

Are you able to say which country you are living in right now? I think the advice would be different depending on this.

If you are in the UK there are organisations that can help you escape his abuse.

ThatUniqueKoala · 20/02/2025 08:53

Go to your friend, at least then you're safe.
Contact Woman's aid and see what support they can offer.

Sirzy · 20/02/2025 08:55

Your first step needs to be getting you and your daughter somewhere safe. Women’s aid or a similar charity locally should be able to help.

long term do you want to stay in your current country or return to where your family are?

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LadyQuackBeth · 20/02/2025 08:55

Contact Woman's Aid, your friend sounds like "from the frying pan into the fire." Instead try to carve out a little piece of calm for you and your DD.

Even though your family are in a different country, are you close enough to ask them to visit and help get you resettled?

Iloveeverycat · 20/02/2025 08:55

I am so sorry you are going through this. Have you contacted your family and told them. Can you go home. If my daughter was in this situation I would do everything in my power to help get her out and pay for her to come back with me.

Suenamee · 20/02/2025 08:58

I should add that my friend, tho he smokes weed. Never smokes alot of it. He usually has one before bed. Sometimes one through the day if it's a bad day. And never got bad from it. He is the most golden hearted person in the world. If it weren't for the weed I'd go in a heartbeat. I'm just more concerned about my daughter being around it

OP posts:
Suenamee · 20/02/2025 09:00

I have no way of getting back home to my country. My passport expired a few years ago and the embassy is a bit difficult with appointments. Been trying to get one for 5 years with no luck. And my daughter has no passport either so I can't leave without having to leave her behind and I'm not doing that

OP posts:
Iloveeverycat · 20/02/2025 09:07

Can any relatives come over to you to help you. You need to get out as soon as possible. You could move in with your friend. Does your husband know about the friend and where he lives.

Suenamee · 20/02/2025 09:10

Iloveeverycat · 20/02/2025 09:07

Can any relatives come over to you to help you. You need to get out as soon as possible. You could move in with your friend. Does your husband know about the friend and where he lives.

he knows about the friend. but not where he lives. also we arent married. thankfully so

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 20/02/2025 09:18

Can't you go to your local council and explain the abusive situation and that you have nowhere to go. They should help with temporary accommodation. Don't mention your friend offering you to stay there as that would scupper your chance as they'd say you have got somewhere to live. Sorry you're going through this but please try and leave because it's not good for you or your child to stay in this situation

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