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Original poster

Child abroad/Domestic abuse situation

10 replies

mrsbeetobe · 19/02/2025 14:16

Hi everyone,

I'm looking to take my 3 year old on holiday abroad. I completely understand that I need my ex's permission to do this. BUT... our situation is this....

When my child was 8 months old, I left my ex and in textbook abusive behaviour he called Social Services. Luckily SS saw right through him, even highlighted abuse I hadn't realised was happening to me and got me to support their report with a statement to the police about coercive behaviour. SS wrote a safety plan for me and my then 8 month old that says baby stays with me and "if he wants to exercise his PR, he will need to seek legal advice".

6 months after this, with no other contact, I had a letter from mediation on his behalf. My local DA organisation wrote back on my behalf to say that due to DA, mediation was not appropriate and he would need to go to court. 18 months from this has passed and I have not had anything from court to try and see my child.

All together 2 years of not seeing his child, I was instructed not to contact him by SS (which was a relief) and he was instructed in the safety plan to not contact me or attend my home, only through legal channels.

My child is thriving, is the happiest most confident little 3 year old. I am happy to get a court order to let us go on holiday but my question is would the courts need to contact him to let him know? I don't want to do anything that may initiate court proceedings for contact as I know that just like me, my child will go in to their shell as a result of his abusive behaviour, my HV stated in the SS report that my child appeared frightened around him.

Help! I don't want him to somehow find out I have been abroad with my child and then have the cheek to accuse me of child abduction! By the man who has (thankfully) decided that for now court is too much to go through to see his child!

OP posts:
mindutopia · 19/02/2025 18:39

Do you actually need his permission? I’ve travelled loads of times with my dc from babies and have never had dh’s express permission (we are married and he is not abusive, but I travelled alone). No one has ever asked us any questions at any border. For a time, I was even travelling on a non-British passport with my British children. It can’t be child abduction if you come back as planned. I think by all means take advice, but I’d be inclined just to do it rather than stirring the pot.

Original poster
mrsbeetobe · 19/02/2025 18:40

mindutopia · 19/02/2025 18:39

Do you actually need his permission? I’ve travelled loads of times with my dc from babies and have never had dh’s express permission (we are married and he is not abusive, but I travelled alone). No one has ever asked us any questions at any border. For a time, I was even travelling on a non-British passport with my British children. It can’t be child abduction if you come back as planned. I think by all means take advice, but I’d be inclined just to do it rather than stirring the pot.

Edited

@mindutopia yes legally you need everyones permission that has PR

OP posts:
Fuuuuuckit · 19/02/2025 18:41

Is he on the birth certificate?

Cerialkiller · 19/02/2025 18:46

I believe while technically you need permission, in practice most people in similar positions have never been prevented from leaving. Do you have the same last name as your child? Which country are you planning on taking him to? Both might make a difference.

Original poster
mrsbeetobe · 19/02/2025 19:12

Cerialkiller · 19/02/2025 18:46

I believe while technically you need permission, in practice most people in similar positions have never been prevented from leaving. Do you have the same last name as your child? Which country are you planning on taking him to? Both might make a difference.

@Cerialkiller no we do not share the same last name. Greece for 7 days

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsbeetobe · 19/02/2025 19:15

Fuuuuuckit · 19/02/2025 18:41

Is he on the birth certificate?

Yes he is on the birth certificate, he has PR but a social worker has put a safety plan in place that states if he is to want to exercise his PR he needs to seek legal advice which in 2 years he has not.

OP posts:
Pinkdreams · 19/02/2025 19:25

Jus tho and don't broadcast it on social media until you're home when it's too late for him to do anything, you don't get asked for proof of permission

Cerialkiller · 19/02/2025 19:56

You can go and risk it. I don't know if insurance would cover you being stopped at the border though so only spend what you can afford to lose. Would risk it on a holiday of a lifetime or anything.

Probably worth speaking to a solicitor about if there is a way of getting permission via the courts without informing him? Maybe impossible though.

MiseryIn · 19/02/2025 20:37

I agree. I have travelled alone with my child and never been asked.
Sometimes they asked my child "who is this" to illicit "mummy".

IdPreferProsecco · 19/02/2025 20:46

A social worker saying if he wants to exercise his PR he has to go to court doesn't mean anything at all - it isn't legally binding - it's advice at best, and is legally questionable to be honest...

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