Nursery don't want us to potty train

[Workerz]

21 month old, great communication, we think she's ready - nursery seems to be advising against/ not on board. Going to speak to them tomorrow, any advice? Room manager say she's still settling (moved up a room 6 weeks ago) and better to wait for warmer weather
However she seems very happy and her key worker was supportive when we mentioned PT a few days ago. Plan is to take time off - 9 days at home before going back. Not easy to take leave later in the year
Obviously if it doesn't work then fine but surely we should try if we think she's ready? Or am I being unreasonable?

It doesn't sound like they're telling you not to do it I don't think? Just general advice that it might be better when she's fully settled in her new room and when it's warmer. I think try it and see how it goes. It may not work as you say.

I would take the 9 days off. If she succeeds then return her in pants saying she's potty trained.

If it doesn't work then I think you'll have to accept she's not ready.

If you didn't have the AL to spend at home with her I'd have said push with nursery and agree a plan and timescale.

But 9 days is plenty long enough break away for her to train and be returned trained iyswim?

That seems ridiculous. 2 out of three of mine were fully potty trained by their second birthday. If after 9 days you haven't cracked it ( I would do lots of build up beforehand) then fair dos keep the nappies.
Ds2 was about 22 months when he demanded no nappy, and never had a single accident. Day or night. DD similar during the day ( did need collapse until the age of nine though as had zero bladder control at night) ds1 took until at least 2 years 3 months to be completely dry. Seen so many people that have left it later and then had much more complications. At this age they are quite malleable!

Thanks all, very helpful. Yes we're thinking of course that is it doesn't work in the 9 days then we'll give up for now, but that's surely long enough to have a good idea about it.

I'm sure warmer and more settled would be better, but just doesn't really work!

9 days is plenty of time to attempt it. By then you’ll either return her to nursery fully trained and in knickers or if she’s not ready yet you’ll have figured that out by about day 5 so she goes back in nappies and you plan to revisit at a later date.

The only reasonable objection I can think of from nursery is that it’s an under 2s room with all the other kids in nappies and it’s not conveniently located for the toilets and they’re going to struggle with ratios if a staff member needs to take her. But it doesn’t sound like that’s the case if she’s 21 months and has just moved?

Yeah there's older kids and they do have toilets etc.

Spoke to them and think they'd misunderstood we were taking the time off and worried we were trying to get them to do it!!

So now, any advice? We're going to keep all in one sleep suits as not night training - do we need to move away from the rain suit to two piece though?

Is your child able to take clothes off to go to the toilet independently?

We started potty training by narrating to our girls “I need a wee, what should I do?” And then they would take us to the toilet.

the other good advice I had was to have several pottys out and around to normalise it.

I would encourage them to tell me when they needed to wee etc in the run up to introducing the potty.

Then go for it. at home, no knickers/pants, and see if they use the potty.

Good luck!

I potty trained all of mine around 18 months. We followed the Oh Crap Potty Training method. You can get a free PDF copy online. You start with them wearing no bottoms and get them to the potty as soon as they start to wee and build it up in stages. Be prepared for accidents, it helps if you have wooden floors rather than carpets!

You can start now by offering the potty after meal and nap times and have more nappy free time at the weekends or in the evenings, and just keep her in a nappy the rest of the time until you're ready to do it full time. We did this with ours from birth and had lots of nappy free time at home but kept them in nappies whilst in childcare until about 18 months. Ours were late talkers but we used baby signing and had a chest slap sign which they quickly picked up. At first they signed whilst weeing but very quickly could tell us a few seconds before a wee and then a few minutes as they start to recognise the feeling and hold it in a bit longer.

It's best to stay at home for at least the first few days until you get an idea of how frequently they are weeing, then you can brave a few short trips out by offering the potty before you leave and as soon as you get home. Waterproof trousers are easier than all in ones but not essential. We still have our almost two year old in a puddlesuit but he gives us enough warning that we can get it off in time (though it is a faff when wet and muddy!). Also useful to know where public toilets are or have a travel potty you can take with you. And of course lots of spare clothes just in case!

Good luck, and don't give up straight away. It can take a few days before you see any progress (which is when most decide to give up!) but keep at it and she should get it. Or even if you decide now isn't the time to go completely nappy free at nursery, keep offering the potty and nappy free time at home and she'll pick it up more quickly the next time you try.

It is easier in the warmer weather. Lots of people do it over Easter weekend so you use less holiday.

Can she already take her own trousers up and down and does she know the difference between if her hands are wet and dry?

She will need help with trousers (so also thinking rain suit probably ok as we'll be helping anyway), but I don't really see this as a huge barrier as presumably you're not letting your 21 month olds go unescorted to the bathroom anyway!

I trained both of mine around 2 in a few days. I found it funny when people asked what method I was using - I just used common sense. I really had absolutely no interest in reading a book on potty training and can't see why, unless you were having big issues, that would be necessary. I just put them in pants and took them to the toilet regularly. They had trousers they could pull up and down themselves. By day 3 they weren't having accidents. We also didn't move away from puddle suits but did stay at home for a few days.

What signals do you have that she is ready?

can she do her trousers, sit down on the potty by herself? Telling you she needs or has done a wee? Will she make her own way there if it’s available?

if you are asking every time and then taking her and doing all the physical bits of it for her- I would just wait. If you are home full time with her fair enough bit nursery will not realistically be able to facilitate this and rightly so as she is actually not fully ready.

Absolutely no harm in introducing a potty at this point and getting her to practice with getting there in time and doing the process but if it’s a case of you doing most of it at the moment I would wait.

Oh and rain suit is an absolute no for a potty training toddler at nursery- as is dungarees, tight and skirts, buttons and zips and difficult to pull down trousers. She needs to be physically ready and able to do most of it herself.

They really don’t need to be able to manage clothes independently to start training. They’ll need help wiping until around 3.5-4. You won’t let them go on their own to a public toilet for years! So it really doesn’t matter that they may also need help pushing their pants down and pulling them up. But baggy joggers and underwear that isn’t too tight are your best bet. They’ll probably crack it really quickly. Ditch the puddle suit though! Not only does it turn a quick wee into a massive undressing fiasco, if you’re using the potty outdoors or doing a quick bush wee then they’ll have to take off their coat and get cold and wet, which will probably make them reluctant to go. I’m sure they have a coat already so just pair that with waterproof pull up trousers going forward.

From a parenting point of view she doesn’t need to be able to do her clothes herself, but from a nursery point of view I can assure you she does. Most of the accidents children have at our nursery are because they actually don’t know what to do when they get there or they are not actually recognizing themselves- ie parents are asking really frequently and just happen to be catching it. They are not truly ready if you are doing it all for them.

I think it’s fine. My Ds was trained at just turned 2.

def swap to pjs. We kept nappy overnight an extra 2 months, but he actually never wet nappy at night either once trained. So it’s far easier to have two piece pjs on, as then you can then take to toilet last thing and as soon as they wake. And occasionally he woke in the night and wanted to go

Also Ds couldn’t at all get dressed himself at 24 months. Made no difference. He trained days and would just take our hand to toilet and we helped him. I wouldn’t have expected him either to do everything himself. At nursery the teacher just takes them also at that age, it’s not until 3+ that they even let them go alone

Well just let them work it out when they wanted to do it no way was either of us was talking time of work to potty train

Erm that's pretty standard. Do it when you can spend a lot of time at home to get it started. It's not nurseries job to do it for you, you are the parent.

I second the Oh Crap Potty Training book. I've trained both of mine at 2 using it and it's been super easy. Both of my dc are winter babies and we potty trained them over the Christmas holidays (in UK). I think advice to wait until the warmer weather is the nursery's way to discourage you from choosing to do it earlier. If they are ready, they're ready.

Obviously I am the parent and my child went to the toilet when they wanted at home and then went at nursery when the other kids did, so not sure what job you are talking about

No i did not see a need ro do any training others obviously do it differently