Playdates for 3... always

[Worriedmotheroftwo]

My son is 6 years old. He's got quite few friends. I like to arrange 1:1 playdates as I think they're less complicated, and it's nice to allow the boys play without anyone being left out, plus I get to know the parent (usually the mum). However, my son has a friend whose mum I am also friends with, and whenever we've arranged a playdate, she'll always end up inviting someone else (without even asking). She'll just mention X is coming too (sometimes the day before). Am I silly to find this frustrating?

Maybe she finds 121 too intense. I prefer a playdate with a few parents, unless it's someone I'm actually close to outside of the children's friendship, school friend parents are better in a group, the small talk just flows more easily. I also think if I'm hosting one or two others means if I'm making drinks, lunch or setting up a particular game they want to play (garden toys etc) , the others will chat amongst themselves

Thanks. Good to hear a different perspective. Just to be clear though, this is a friend (we go out to dinner together etc, and play tennis together regularly) so the 2 of us being 1:1 isn't the issue I imagine. And I could understand more if it were at her house, but it isn't (actually she tried to invite someone to my house once, but that's a different story). I mean like playground trips etc.

I agree with you re hosting actually.

I think what bothers me is less playdates for 3, but more than once a playdate has been arranged, she'll spring someone else on it with little notice (sometimes it's someone I've been on a playdate with the previous day for instance, who I didn't intend to see two days in a row...)

YANBU. It’s rude to spring extra guests without checking it’s ok when you think you’ve arranged a 1:1 meet up.

Does her child definitely like your child?

It's hard for me to say really because I'm very much a more the merrier person in all aspects of life! I realise this isn't a universal feeling, I'm fine with things like visitors showing up unannounced , our families just let themselves in which I know causes abject horror for others, I'm happy with extra mouths to feed at dinner time, overnight guests etc. DH likes a bit of warning sometimes and needs more quiet time than I do, but probably still firmly at the extrovert end of the spectrum. She may just be of the same mindset.

If you see her individually at other times, I think it's even more reasonable, it's not like you'd be having deep conversations while the DC chase each other around a play park. It could also be that she has more requests for her/DC's time than she actually has so sees it as two birds one stone.

If you'd prefer to see her without others just tell her.

I find it rude too, but I'm aware there are a few things I see as being rude which other people don't, so interested to know how others perceive this.

I'm sure he does... in fact, I get the impression her child likes my child more than mine likes hers. I could be completely wrong though of course!

Haha I am very different from you... visitors arriving unannounced at my house are the devil's work! 😅

Perhaps you're right. Maybe I should just say something. I don't have this happen with anyone else though- we have loads of 1:1 playdates (or the occasional pre-arranged larger playdate) with other friends. I guess it's the last-minute change of plans that frustrates me.

Rude to spring it on someone, she should tell you in advance.