How to co parent since court

[Babygirlmum]

Me and my BD have just been through court for an arrangement order. We have come to the decision of getting a parenting app as we just argue all the time and it's jot good. I would like to have no contact with him. As a lot has gone of previously. I obviously have to have so contact for DD. I don't want to see him but again I have to do handover. I don't have anyone to do handover. What would you do in my situation.

What are you arguing about?

Did you not realise when you chose to conceive/continue with a pregnancy that you would have to communicate or at the very least see your child's father regularly until they grow up?

What does the court order say? You need to do that.

I work in this space but there isn’t enough in your post to give any meaningful advice. At a basic level

• stick with the parenting app, and stick with child-focused communication. Ignore anything unrelated to your DD, including any barbs he is chucking your way. This is easier said than done, so get some counselling to give you strategies if needed.
• Get some counselling to strengthen yourself for handovers, and to work through any worries or past trauma in the relationship.
• Have handovers at a neutral place, rather than that a home, if that will reduce anxiety.

How old is DD? If in childcare or once school age handovers can happen by one parent dropping off at school/childcare in the morning and the other one picking up from school/childcare. What exactly is going on? It really depends, but if he's not abusive to you I'd try and find a way to be able to interact on a polite acquaintance level. I see the kids at who's parents sit on opposite sides of the room at school events or stand on different sides of the footy field on the weekend and it's really hard for those kids having to cope with that. My kids dad is an abusive arsehole, but we do amicable hangovers and I don't make my kids chose at sport and school events and ignore the subtle nasty things XH says to me. Of course I know it takes two to do that and your ex might make that impossible. But if there's a way you can it's better for your kids if you can coexist in the same place for a little bit of time.

What would you do in my situation

I'd get the Co-parenting app, if you haven't already.

I'd choose somewhere neutral to do the handover.

I'd get a camera or video doorbell to cover your front door in case he turns up there.

I'd block him on all SM.

And I'd get some Counselling, you can self refer to Talking Therapies in most areas.

Have you applied for CMS too?

@EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness she is two years old. he has just been and I done handover however I just don't know how I feel about it. It feels strange and odd. DD looked lost and always gets upset leaving.

Recommend parenting app but only message re DD. Court can see what is written so if he’s abusive would see it. Drop off and collection nearby not house - local park, library, school. Works for DS x

@MotherJessAndKittens he has just come to my house for collection but for the future I will consider somewhere else. I really feel uncomfortable doing handover. He did not mention when he would be back with her. When is a fair enough time for him to bring her back. He took her just before 12?

What does your court order say about contact OP? Surely there’s an agreement on how long he has her, what days etc?

@Mrsttcno1 it's kind of complicated. So the order was last year however it was breached. We have been have ti court and things have been dropped and we are carrying on from last order. Which was he has her for a few days on his days off however he hasn't seen her much lately so he was just taking her for the day. he would usually Amy me there as ti be honest he can't really handle her alone but it's unfair me having ti go and feel uncomfortable with him. So he has taken DD out for the day i am guessing. We shall see how long he lasts.

OP, you have 16 years of co-parenting so you need to get a handle on this, sooner rather than later.

Accept that he will come to your door to collect your DD. As long as he doesn't try to come inside or abuse you on your doorstep, that is ok.

Have a standard routine for handover that you and your DD can get used to, so she knows what to expect. For example...

Open the door. Say to DD, 'daddy is here, put your coat/shoes on' Ask your ex when they will be back, as you need to nip to the shops. Don't be more specific. Hand over DD plus a bag with any toys/teddy/gloves etc. Say ' See you in two hours. Have a lovely time with daddy'. Give her a kiss and close the door.

If you do the same every time, your DD will know what to expect. She will know she will see you again in two hours. Your ex will hopefully get used to the routine and plan his days to fit in.

Are you the poster who decided to ignore the court order because you didn't agree with it? And you've been back to court but neither of you are still sticking to the order? Honestly what is the point? I'm surprised the judge/magistrates haven't told you both to get your acts together and stop wasting court time!

What, exactly, does the court order actually say about contact? I somehow doubt it's in writing saying "Father to have contact with child for a few days on his days off" so what does it actually say?

Court order usually say. DS contact for 6 hours alternate Sat/Sun but drug issues so not overnight.

Are you the OP (original poster)?