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Parenting

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Original poster

Why did you have kids?

18 replies

TrueOlympian · 18/02/2025 20:51

I’m a very new FTM and I started wondering whether I want a second child. Most people I know either have two children or they have one and do not want another one if they struggle financially or because they faced issues during delivery/pregnancy or have fertility problems.

I’m contemplating whether considering a second child is due to society expectations or because people really feel fulfilled only when they have two.

So what are your reasons for having more than one kids?

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Guggenheim78 · 18/02/2025 20:56

We are a small family with no cousins or siblings so wanted more than one child so that they had each other, especially if something happened to us. Of course there’s no guarantee they’ll get on!

mindutopia · 18/02/2025 20:58

I think you feel done when you’ve had the dc that are right for you. I always knew I wanted two and no more than two. When I had my first, I definitely felt like I’d have another (just not anytime soon!). After I had my second, I definitely felt completely done. I’ve never had any desire for more children and actively do not want anymore, which is very different to how much felt before I had my 2nd. Mine are 7 & 12 now so it’s been awhile. I could not have even contemplated a 2nd before my eldest was 3 though. We always planned a 4-5 year age gap, so you still have loads of time to decide.

CherryMarigold · 18/02/2025 20:59

I always knew I wanted more than one Dc as I have a fantastic sibling and hoped for that for my own children. Then we didn't feel 'done', DH comes from a big family so we had two more and were definitely done!

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Switcher · 18/02/2025 21:00

I got pregnant. I had been told it'd be very unlikely so I hadn't given it too much thought really. It made life very hard for a while.

SquawkerTexasRanger · 18/02/2025 21:02

I wanted two close in age so that they could play together

farmlife2 · 18/02/2025 21:08

I enjoyed them and I wanted them. It's really no more complicated than that.

Achyarms · 18/02/2025 21:22

I’ve always wanted children, always felt maternal. Had DC1 and felt it was the best feeling in the world and I felt like I just belonged and he just belonged in my arms.
wanted to do it all over again, felt like my hear had more love. I’m pregnant with third and final. I could just squish all my babies I love them so much. I’d have more if I could but I know this is the last

Mikumiku · 18/02/2025 21:50

I'm an only child so wanted more than one as I missed what my friends had growing up with siblings. Had my daughter who is 9 now and knew straight after having her that no way in hell was I doing that again! Even now I know I have made the best decision. She doesn't have any cousins either and is literally the only child in the entire family. I make sure she always has company though. Her friends can come round whenever they like and she can always go round to theirs.

NameChanged25 · 18/02/2025 21:52

I didn’t want an only child, I prefer my kids to have a sibling.

HabitHoarder · 18/02/2025 21:54

We have quite a big age gap, but decided to have the second because our first dc is the best thing in our lives and we wanted to do it all again. I love being a parent, and I love being around children. And my dh is one of the best dads around, and keen to have a second.

I also wanted to take time off work and spend it with my mum before she died, having another grandchild was a wonderful thing for her in her last years alive.

LondonFox · 18/02/2025 22:55

I wanted like 8 but I started too old.
My children are amazing small creatures and I cannot imagine having one more would be a problem.
Still hope for more...
Those who know know.

hobnobs4life · 18/02/2025 23:04

We have two and watching them be together and be built in friends (not teenagers yet) has been wonderful. No one could make our baby smile like his sister did. She lights up his world and he still idolises her. Age 6 months to 2 years with two toddlers is brutal in my experience for parents, but we are beginning to clear it and i'm really glad we had two.

NorthernGirl1981 · 18/02/2025 23:11

I didn’t want my first child to be an only child. My boys absolutely adore each other, they can’t be separated, they spend their days playing and laughing together and they have such a special relationship. It’s just amazing and seeing them have such a special bond with each other makes my heart explode with so much pride and love. It’s like they have their own little world with just the two of them in it, it’s wonderful.

kertsan · 18/02/2025 23:16

I started off just wanting one, and never felt any societal pressure to have another one. But I decided I wanted another child because I enjoyed the early years so much, and there were practical and financial reasons that meant it would be easier than I first thought. I wouldn't have had a second child if it meant lots of compromises or downgrading our lifestyle, I've never had a desperation for a second child in that way.
We have a bigger age gap than the usual, which fits in with our parenting style (lots of one to one attention with both parents involved). We are very much done now and we both have permanent contraception to ensure no accidents.

LosingCount · 18/02/2025 23:20

I found a lot of happiness in having my first child and wanted more of that. I also wanted my child to have siblings.

Yellowcakestand · 18/02/2025 23:36

I wanted one child, but was completely against any children at all until i was 30. I didnt want to be old and only have my nieces around. I wanted a family of my own. I knew it would just be me and them in the long run. Pregnancy was fine until my waters went early. From my perspective I would never ever go through childbirth again. It was abdolutely horrendous. Due to this I'm now sterilised and it was the second best decision ive made.

livelovelough24 · 18/02/2025 23:41

I only have a sister and always wanted a brother. So I decided to have three kids and happen to get 2 girls and a boy. I love it and never regretted my decision.

However, unless you are certain this is what you want, I do not suggest you have more. Having kids, at this day and age, is very hard, especially if you do not have much support from your extended family (like I did not). I often felt I wanted to give more attention to my kids but could not, simply because there was no time. In my heart I would sometimes be sad thinking, every child deserves to be an only child, so that you can give them all of your time, attention and energy. Money too, of course.

All the best.

OverTheRaincloud · 18/02/2025 23:49

I'd never want an only child. I think it just looks like a really boring family set up. Obviously if I couldn't have had more than one I'd have dealt with it, but it would never be my choice.

I know loads of people prefer it so no need to @ me if you do, everyone is different and that's fine. Just not for me, I find having more than one much more fun.

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