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Original poster

Coparenting: child wants to text dad

7 replies

FinnV · 18/02/2025 20:31

Hi everyone. Long story short my ex and I have a court order in relation to our 7 year old son. It was because we couldn't communicate without argument - he lives with me 50/50 of holidays and every other weekend (as mum moved over 100 miles away when he was 2, so can't have him more than that due to school). I've never faulted on paying her and upped it (by choice) when he went to school so we didn't need to talk about money. Court order says FaceTimes twice per week.

He's had his mums old phone since age 3 and had started to ask if he can text me on it. I've said it's fine, but his mum has said no.

He's also been given a play station and has asked to add me, his mum has said no.

It's now got to the point where he cries over this.

What should I do? Court cost £6k 18 months ago. Do I go back or do I just put up with this? Can't take him being so upset. I feel as though he should be allowed to text me during his screen time hour(s) - is this reasonable?

OP posts:
MyUmberSeal · 18/02/2025 20:35

I can’t advise, as I wouldn’t know what to advise, but I wanted to say that I really sympathise with your situation, and I hope other posters do too. Women can be as callous and territorial and difficult, as men can be. We are not immune.

Pineapplewaves · 18/02/2025 20:42

What reasons does the Mum give?

Is the phone just used for the "FaceTiming twice a week" or does he use it to text other people? If the phone is just being used for the FaceTime and nothing else then I can see Mum's point. My DS age 9 does not have a phone and will not be getting one until secondary school. I think age 7 is too young for texting.

Nor does my DS have a PlayStation or game online. I feel he's too young for that too.

Your child is getting upset with you because he isn't allowed to text. Is he getting upset with his Mum too or just trying it on with you? Maybe you should just say "no and that’s the end of it".

Original poster
FinnV · 18/02/2025 21:18

MyUmberSeal · 18/02/2025 20:35

I can’t advise, as I wouldn’t know what to advise, but I wanted to say that I really sympathise with your situation, and I hope other posters do too. Women can be as callous and territorial and difficult, as men can be. We are not immune.

Thank you. Appreciate the honesty.

OP posts:

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7 year olds Families
Glorybox2025 · 18/02/2025 21:19

Don't go back to court over this, it's not worth it. Enjoy the FaceTimes and he'll be able to text you when he gets older.

Original poster
FinnV · 18/02/2025 21:22

Pineapplewaves · 18/02/2025 20:42

What reasons does the Mum give?

Is the phone just used for the "FaceTiming twice a week" or does he use it to text other people? If the phone is just being used for the FaceTime and nothing else then I can see Mum's point. My DS age 9 does not have a phone and will not be getting one until secondary school. I think age 7 is too young for texting.

Nor does my DS have a PlayStation or game online. I feel he's too young for that too.

Your child is getting upset with you because he isn't allowed to text. Is he getting upset with his Mum too or just trying it on with you? Maybe you should just say "no and that’s the end of it".

Thanks for the message. He was allowed to add his cousin on PlayStation (his mums nephew). His mum says the phone is for FaceTime and YouTube, but he shares his screen with me sometimes to show me pictures or things he's found on YouTube and I can see texts from others (her mum for instance).

He gets very upset with me, angry with his mum. I try to say "it's ok why don't you just tell me what you wanted to show me now" and move on from it. It's difficult being the bad parent when I'm not going to see him for a week and FaceTime is all we get that week. At the weekend he's home I've tried to tell him it won't be happening etc - keeping it neutral.

OP posts:
Original poster
FinnV · 18/02/2025 21:24

Glorybox2025 · 18/02/2025 21:19

Don't go back to court over this, it's not worth it. Enjoy the FaceTimes and he'll be able to text you when he gets older.

Thank you. I think you may be right.

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 18/02/2025 21:26

Blimey. He sounds way too young for a functional phone.

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