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8 month olds sleep is driving me to depression please HELP !!!

7 replies

semummy32 · 17/02/2025 23:22

I am seriously going insane. My 8 month old has been waking at the same time for monthsssss, it is like clockwork (10-11pm), but recently it’s taking hours to resettle him. I really need help because I’m losing my mind 8I don’t know what else to do, he will settle on me and when I put him back down in his room give or take 2 minutes he’s awake whinging. I’ve tried the ferber method and he just gets absolutely hysterical and inconsolable. He can fall into the deepest sleep on me, I’ll put him down and he’ll be awake. It usually resorts to co-sleeping as I’m just so exhausted. Sometimes I even wake around 3 and move him back to his own bed and he’ll wake up straight away again despite being in such a deep sleep. This is the case regardless of how much milk/solids he’s had through the day, nap quality, bed time (bed time is 7:30 i’ve moved it 30 mins either way with no difference), when I suspect teething pain I’m giving pain relief and anbesol liquid. At first I suspected regression or developmental changes but this has genuinely been going on every night for about 4 months I don’t know what to do anymore. I try to refrain from putting him in my bed but I genuinely don’t know what else to do when I’m so exhausted. On the occasion he does settle eventually this will then happen again 2-3am. Then he wants to wake for the day at 6am. It’s making me depressed I feel I can’t be the parent I want to be as I’m barely functioning throughout the day, I feel awful when I’m counting down the minutes to bed time but then when he does go to bed I’m filled with anxiety I can’t relax, I have no downtime as I know what’s coming come 10pm (usually as soon as I close my eyes.

OP posts:
jensaa · 18/02/2025 01:40

I know we’ve been conditioned to think otherwise but it’s a normal response for a baby to want to be close to their mother during the night. Just safely co sleep to save your mental health until he wake ups stop. Separation anxiety picks up at this age as well so that’s probably what’s happening.

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 18/02/2025 01:53

Honestly I remember 8 months being the worst!!!!

It’s just gone on for so long now. You have no reserves left. You think how is this ever going to get better.

Then somehow it does. I remember c. 9 months being night and day to 8. I tried so many different things. No idea what was the thing which made a difference or whether they just grew out of it. But just keep on keeping on and know this does end!

ThatLemonMember · 18/02/2025 08:58

I feel your pain! It can feel so endless when you aren’t getting proper sleep and the evening anxiety is real!

It was the impetus for me to do gentle sleep training. I never did the Ferber but did speak with Calm and Bright Sleep support who were lovely and it didn’t feel as aggressive as other methods I looked at.

They suggest starting with naps, getting that nailed down will then give confidence over night. If waking at the same time each night, could be habit. Night feeds aren’t strictly necessary for 6months + if baby is healthy and gaining weight etc. I found that dropping them (yes we had one awful night but after that slept through 99% of the time since) and working on putting into cot awake not waiting for DD to fall asleep on me before moving her worked a charm. Understandable if they are falling asleep on you, when they wake up they want the same to get back to sleep again.

honestly the sleep advice from them was the best money I’ve ever spent.

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Eenameenadeeka · 18/02/2025 09:01

Look at the safe sleep 7 for safe cosleeping. I think it would be much safer than being exhausted and depressed.

shutterby · 18/02/2025 09:08

How are his daytime naps? I would work on these first, ideally at his age he would be having 45mins-1hrs in morning (around 9am) and 2-2.5 hrs lunch time 12:30/1pm.

He is waking because he has a sleep association which is being held by you.

Options are co sleep (would he still wake up?) or sleep train.

You can sleep train 'gently' which means putting him into bed awake, staying by his bedside but avoiding picking up. Or a Ferber style, I wouldn't go over 3mins, doesn't make a different how long you leave them and 3 mins feels more achievable. Generally if done correctly, one hard night followed by easier nights the. Sleeping through.

Are you breastfeeding?

Geranium1984 · 18/02/2025 09:10

So so tough, I've been there with my little girl. She was so so clingy. We ended up getting 2 or 3 days video support with Sarah Carpenter Sleep. She's there on hand watching to settle at naps, bed time and in the night.

What's the day time routine like? How do they settle for naps and bedtime?

It's definitely normal to wake once or twice to feed at 8mo. But taking hours to resettle is no fun!

CM327509 · 02/03/2025 14:23

@semummy32 Do you have any updates on how your ferber sleep training is going? Currently training our 10 month old and early days but not seeing much improvement

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