Felt judged today

[Allthesweets]

Hi all,

My 2.5 yr old has just started announcing everything as ‘mine’ and even snatching toys from other kids in playgroups. I always make sure to say no if he snatches anything and am trying very hard to model sharing and ‘taking turns’. Sometimes he gets it but others he doesn’t and even pushes the other kid which I do not tolerate. I am trying really hard and am hoping he’ll grow out of it soon, but obviously he’s only 2 so I am hoping other parents understand. I am very understanding when another child takes something from him or won’t also share.

Today, he a little girl tried to take his beloved whale which he adores and he said no, mine and went to snatch it back. I checked him straight away and said no. The parent made a remark with a aggy tone like looks like you have some learning to do don’t you, which I felt was a bit off and the continued to be off with me.

I feel as though I’m doing everything I can considering he’s 2 and to be off in tone and aggy was a bit uncalled for. Has anyone else had this?

So he was holding the whale, another child tried to take it and he quite fairly said no, and the parent of the other child made a snide comment? I'd just feel smug I wasn't that ignorant parent.

Sorry no it was sitting near to him where he was playing. He has done this with other toys as well that are near to him and he thinks he is playing with.

Don’t take any notice tomorrow her dad will bite /hit/push another child . Theses little children are just beginning to learn social ethics

grr dd not dad

Haha that did make me laugh.

Totally ignore the other parent’s reaction. It’s not like your child smacked them in the face.

Don’t let it worry you at all, this is what two years old are like and they will all do something like it at some point. It sounds like you are doing all the right things so just keep going.

So it was a toy that belonged to him?

Either way, he's doing what any two year old would do.

I met one of my closest friends at a toddler group when my then 2yo walked up to friends ds (also 2) and whacked him around the head with a plastic bucket!

Should have told her she has some learning to do!
A 2.5 year old is still learning, and you are teaching them. You demonstrated that in your response to the situation

If it was his toy and not a communal toy he did nothing wrong!

Try not to worry OP it's a phase that so many go through.

If you want to hear something cringe my friend invited me to tag along to a relaxed soft play birthday party of a child I didn't know. My son was 2 and was having a difficult sharing phase.

Half way through the party screams erupted and my son had bitten the birthday girl on the face, twice.

I was absolutely mortified and still feel sick about it 16 years later!!

It was his toy but he also does this with communal toys too.

The other parent was ridiculous. Even if the toy wasn't his, he is 2 and doing what 2 year olds do.

Try not to think about it anymore. He and you didn't do anything wrong. He is learning and you are teaching him.

Sounds like totally expected toddler behaviour to me…

"Of course he does. He's two!"

Ignore the judgey mothers. One day their kid will also have some learning to do.

Next time roll your eyes and say 'oh God you're going to be one of those^^ parents'.
They always end up with the out of control teens.

I used to take things like this personally and over think what had happened. Mine are now a lot older but I wish I could go back in time as it is a wasted worry.

Your child seems very normal. If you can take away one thing from this it's don't make friends with the judgy mum. Don't give this another thought and maybe don't take the whale next time 😉

I'm confused. You say it was his favourite personal toy so why did you tell him off ? I don't share my personal stuff either.

Don't take personal toys anywhere near communal toys unless you take it away and hide it in your bag during the play session. It only blurs boundaries and it's hard enough for youngsters to understand the concept of sharing without adding that in to the mix, you are setting your child up to fail.

I’d try not to bring toys to a toddler group next time. The other children don’t tend to understand that they aren’t allowed to play with them and it can cause a lot of hassle

Yeah, you were probably judged but why on earth does it matter.
It doesn't affect you in any way and I'm sure you'll have a negative on someone's parenting at some point.
Getting wound up about being judged or 'shamed' is just ridiculous
I hate the idea that kids have to share things that are important to them with anybody anyway.

You handled it fine and your DS's behavior is age appropriate.

But I would absolutely stop bringing personal toys out to group play areas. It's too hard at that age and makes it more difficult to address (age-appropriate) sharing issues; the other children usually don't understand that that toy isn't for sharing, your DS is not quite ready to communicate that in a way that will feel friendly and proactive, and it's too much to expect him to be in sharing mode and "this is my special treasure I need to keep safe" mode at the same time.

Encourage leaving things at home or in the car, but also have a spot in your bag that is the designated place that toys and other treasures go to stay safe while you're playing in group areas or at nursery. You take on the task of keeping those things safe and ready to be reunited with after playgroup/the park/ nursery so that your DS can focus on all the exciting things available at the group area and practicing his sharing and cooperative play.

He shouldn't bring his own toys around other children, leave them at home. Then there's less confusion and everything needs to be shared. Ignore the other parent, they sound like the type who thinks their child is a perfect angel. You're doing your best, that's what matters.

This is a perfect response! 😁 👏

I wouldn’t worry overly much but we played “switch!” a lot with our which seemed to work more than ‘sharing’ as she saw it as fun and understood the concept of others not wanting to play the same again instead of not wanting to share etc.

Now if she wants what another child has, she will take another toy over with her and ask to “switch”. Has stopped her snatching too which leads to less judgment from other (rude!) parents 😂

I agree with this.

On the one hand, I don't think your little one did anything 'wrong' - it WAS their toy. I never expect my young children to let any other random child play with their toys. I also try to avoid other children taking stuff from right next to them that they're clearly still playing a game with even if it's not physically in their hands anymore. If you put something down for a second on a table, like a book, to pause to pick up a drink, it wouldn't be ok for someone to come and pick up the book and take it off you just because you don't physically have it in your hands for a minute. Obviously with kids I can't always prevent this though as I don't always hover (and clearly I'm not going to be snatching stuff off little kids once they've got it).

All that being said, I have never let my kids take their own toys to playgroups and whatnot because this type of thing always happens and often ends in tears. If they do strongly want something little with them I tell them they can bring it in the car/pram but it stays there once we arrive, it doesn't come out. They've always understood and accepted this pretty much. Likewise I hate it if they start playing with a toy, another toddler starts trying to snatch it or cries because they want it, and it transpires it's actually their toy from home. Then I have to take it off my child who is then perhaps themselves crying and upset depending on age and understanding. It's very annoying and unnecessary, I wish people wouldn't take their own things. There's plenty of toys there after all.