Newborn won't sleep - please share ideas

[AOMum14]

Hi all,

It is basically what it says on the tin - she won't sleep. She is 8 days old and today my partner and I made the grave mistake on commenting on how amazing she was at night compared to our older daughter who is 20 months old. Oh how the tables have turned.

She will happily sleep in my arms or on my boob. She wakes and screams instantly when put in cot. It's now 3.15am and I cannot take the sensory overload of being almost asleep and then woken. My boobs can't take the constant feeding. So sleep in my arms while I watch an action movie to keep me awake it is. I have asked my mum to come round in morning to help my partner with both girls where I will catch up on sleep.

Things we have tried -

• Hot water bottle to warm up her mattress
• swaddle
• not swaddle
• me feed and partner rock
• burping
• cosleeping - tried this once, she still cried. (We are very hesitant to try this again - this is not something my partner and I feel safe with)
• feeding on side but this is difficult due to how small she is and my engorged boobs
• taken her temp to check if she is too hot or cold

Things we will try tomorrow night

• keeping her vertical for 30 mins after everyfeed
• cutting out dairy (my eldest was/is dairy intolerent)

- Dr's appointment as I wonder if she has silent reflux (eldest daughter had this too)

Any other ideas or suggestions much needed and appeciated. My partner will be back to work in a weeks time, meaning he will be getting up and leaving the house at 6.30am. My toddler will then wake up at 7am. I need to be able to get a good night's sleep to cope with 2 under 2 by myself.

Thank you!

Do you put her down in her crib/ cot while she's awake? I would try putting her down, swaddled after feeding and winding her and giving her a few minutes to self settle. Even if she's awake just get her used to being in there and not hold her every second she's awake. A dummy might help if you haven't tried one.

A good night's sleep doesn't rhyme with a new born. I am sorry but you ask too much of your baby.

Brilliant ideas! I shall try tomorrow night

Oh not don't I know it! 🤣 My toddler still wakes at night. I think what I need though is some sleep - even if that's an hour, otherwise I won't be able to function as a mum in the hours I have to be awake. I will manage though - that's what us mums do!

Hopefully your other half is dealing with the toddler wake ups if you're breastfeeding and up with the baby. This needs to carry on even when he's at work I'm when you've got 2 children to look after at all day

Oh dear I feel for you OP. My baby did this from about 2 weeks old we held her round the clock for weeks. She started to go in her cot to sleep around 2 months I think? It was exhausting but we just gave up trying to put her down for fear of her waking. Tried all the things you said. One day it just worked and I thought, wonder if I'd tried this two weeks ago if she'd have slept. I only had one though.
She wouldn't even cosleep, had to be held.
No advice other than a carrier through the day. And lots of MAFS through the night or try cosleeping

My 2nd baby is now 6 months so just out of this but as newborns I had to co sleep and breastfeeding laying on my side to get any kind of sleep, is this an option? Nothing I did got either of mine to sleep in their next to me until they were a bit older, it’s tough you have my sympathies.

Your dh will need to hold her from like 8pm and let you sleep until 12 or something? And then get up at 5 or 6 before work and swap so you nap before the day starts. Try and recruit people to come hold the baby for a nap if the toddler is in childcare and you SLEEP

Dummy?
Sleeping bag if they're big enough - check each ones guidance on sizing.
White noise ?
Lullaby music?

But yes at 8 days old this is normal as you know. If your DM is around to help a bit in the day so you can have the odd nap here and there that is great and more than what many of us get sadly. Definitely take any help offered! It will pass, you know it will but I appreciate that doesn't make it any less exhausting in the moment.

The only way we got any sleep with new twins and a toddler was to split the night 8-12 and 12-8. I did second shift and DH too the first one. Obviously that was only after we gave up breastfeeding so for me that was from 3 months. Apart from that I just went through life as a zombie coping with occasional power naps. Sorry. Not helpful.

Cosleeping is safe if you do it safely.
Look up the guidelines on Lullaby Trust. Sidelying breastfeeding.

It really saved my sanity with a newborn.

Some babies just won't be put in a cot /away from you and there's not much you can do about it. It makes sense from the baby's point of view.

Although your baby is very new and perhaps having a growth spurt and it may be better tomorrow.

Dummy in at end of feed. Will take her a few days to get used to it but should take fine at this age.

Our youngest was a terrible sleeper the things that worked-

Slightly tilted cot (he had reflux)
Laying him down slightly awake so he fell asleep in his cot- seemed to sleep longer if he wasn't transferred to his bed

Later when he was older -
Dropping night feeds (around 9 months)
Getting rid of dummy (around a year)

How we survived-

I would express one bottle a day. I'd breast feed ds and then I'd go to bed about 8pm. Dh would deal with ds and use the bottle when needed (around 10pm) and basically manage until around midnight. Then dh would go to bed and i would get up on ds next waking. This usually meant I got around 4/ 5 hours straight sleep before I would be woken and I would then grab sleep when I could throughout the night. Dh slept 12-7.

She’s 8 days old, of course she’s not going to sleep when you want her to sleep! Please don’t take her to the GP because she’s not sleeping. Let your DM and DP look after both babies whilst you get a couple of hours sleep.

Hi, thank you for your advice. I want to reassure you that I am not planning to take my daughter to a GP just so I can sleep. My older daughter struggled for 6 months due to a delayed diagnosis of dairy intolerance and silent reflux. Her reasons for waking were because she was probably very very uncomfortable from her throat down to her bottom. If I can spot the signs earlier (I think my newborn is displaying signs of silent reflux) then I am going to act sooner rather than later. I didn't make this clear so can understand your concern x

Thank you! I defiantly think expressing is my next step. I am also going to bed earlier tonight and my mum is staying over

Formula

Unfortuantely it's normal and there's not a great deal you can do but muddle through - it's known as the 4th trimester, basically little one still feels like the two of you are one being, and freaks out when away from you because it's like a part of them is missing! Imagine if you woke up and realised your legs had disappeared - you'd most likely scream too!!

So the best way to tackle it is to ease the transition. Baby is happiest where she can smell you (try wearing the cot sheet against you in the evenng before you put it on the mattress, so it picks up your scent), hear you (a heart beat or white noise machine might help) feel held (if she didn't like the first swaddle try another, there are a few diffferent varities. Some babies like the hands up ones for example, some prefer to be constricted) and have the oppitunity to suck (you could try a dummy). Work on your latch so that it's as deep and effective as possible so baby is taking on bigger feeds and feeling properly satiated. A comfortably full baby will sleep more deeply. There are some fab Youtube videos to show you the best techniques. Good luck!

Formula why?