Struggling with a really whiney 13 month old.

[Emaleez]

From birth my youngest has been a total nightmare and really hard work. From the second she was born is was constant crying, needing constant contact and my whole being was just to hold her (i get that is normal for most babies but this just seemed to be a massive step up from my other two and was really intense) I didn't mind, I thought the 'blue crying' would eventually fizzle out and we will have a happy baby eventually.
Well, fast forward a year and she is still incredibley high needs. I can't move off the sofa to clean or tidy without a meltdown as she just wants to be on me, or anyone 24/7. I have 2 other children that need me too and the guilt of being there more for them before my youngest is so un-independent. I'd say it's like 15 hours of crying a day. No matter how full, clean, well slept she is she just screams. It's unbearable at times. Nobody wants to babysit her, people come to my house and don't want to stay because of the crying. I'm isolated, mentally not good as I feel although I'm doing everything wrong and I have had thoughts of just leaving dad with them. I know that's horrible. But I feel like a bad mother and he would cope alot better than me and quite honestly I can't cope at all. !! Please no judgement, you can't say anything i haven't already said to myself.

Have a GP and peditrician seen her?

I’m sorry that sounds really hard. Do you ever get a break? I’m sure that amount of crying isn’t the norm at this age. Have you spoken to GP or HV? Do you think she’s feeling unwell - wondering if she has a tummy ache from allergies or something like that? Mine of a similar age only cries lots if she’s feeling poorly. Does she go to nursery?

I spoke to my HV and she literally said its normal for her age. But she wouldn't listen when I was trying to tell her but it's REALLY BAD!! And I didn't want to go on too much about it incase she thought i was just a awful mother slagging my daughter off. 💔

I go to college Thursdays and Wednesdays(adult learning), and have a job coming (for placement) I literally had to do anything just to get away for a bit and I'm good at college and stuff. I have been off a couple weeks due to my brother recently passing away but due to go back soon. It's probably why I am feeling the stress of it all alot more too

That’s awful I’m so sorry for your loss. I think it’s worth speaking to GP if the baby is genuinely crying for that amount of time. Sounds very difficult x

My daughter was like this it took until 18 months to get her properly settled. She has severe silent reflux and multiple food allergies! It took until 15 months to identify all of her allergens and her reflux has gone in and out of being under control by meds. It usually gets worse when ever she has a growth spurt

My eldest was an extremely high needs, unsettled baby. To be honest, by 13 months it wasn’t really screaming, but large parts of the day were spent listening to him cry and whinge. It was soul destroying and I’m forever grateful he was my first, ie I had no other children to care for.

I think as a parent, you get a ‘feel’ for if there is something medically wrong, or just your kids temperament. We just knew it was situational (for example, he was very content if being intensely stimulated, especially outside). But equally, if you think there may be something amiss medically, you should definitely see the GP.

It got a lot better when he could walk (he never crawled, which I don’t think helped, he was extremely frustrated) and then infinitely better when he could talk. I’m not going to lie, he’s still a high needs child. He’s intense and a handful, not at all chill. But it’s exponentially better than his first 18 months.

Ignore your HV, they are completely useless in my opinion (my one advised me my dural headache was just hormones for three weeks until I couldn't move my neck and rushed into surgery) - make an appointment with your GP, tell them exactly the level of distress your baby is in and the impact on your heath too, ask to be referred to a Consultant Paediatrician. It could be a number of things, allergies causing digestion problems, hearing issue causing pain, SEN - you need to get LO looked at and rule out medical / social issues. The level of distress you're describing isn't just a clingy baby.

@Emaleez How is she now? How are things?x

@Emaleez any update?