4 year 3 month old DD. Happy baby and generally happy toddler. Usual tantrums and testing of boundries, strong willed, but generally a very kind, caring, polite child. Never had issues other parents complain about for example if in a shop and she sees somwthing she wants. She's never once been upset when i've said no. However her behaviour is feeling a little like it's going from regular toddler/pre schooler behaviour to some i'm not sure is as regular.
She will on occasion have epic meltdowns. Over seeminginly silly things. For example asking her to get her shoes on to go to tesco. It will start with a i don't want to go and when setting the boundary kindly but firmly and even offering an option i.e do you want to put your shoes on yourself or do you want me to help, it can escalate. To her screaming at us saying she doesn't want to, shouting just stop talking at me while crying. She then often will proceed to either pinch or bite herself. For this i will stop her and say very calmly i can't let you hurt yourself, but often this leads to more frustration and anger. When She is angry she is almost uncontrollable. I manage to usually talk her down by sitting quietly and just calmly explaining the boundary and why it's set. Just repeating it and reinforcing i'm there if she wants or needs help. Sometimes she'll come for a cuddle and we'll calm down that way. Sometimes she'll calm down enough to reason with. But all in its a good 20 plus minutes to resolve. Reflecting on it this evening i'd say alot of these meltdowns are more likely when the plans or expectations of the day aren't clear or more sprung on her. Getting ready for preschool she's a bit resistant but generally okay to get ready. I find forceful or over firm actions/language escalates the situation. I do always hold the boundry but have started to do this in the calmest way i can.
Pre school report her being 'emotional' she will refuse to do things. And get really upset if she feels like she's been told off. There has been occasions she's refused to be involved in activities. But is generally well behaved there. We get alot of reports of her helping other children and positive engagement as well they've expressed no significant concerns to us. She has never hurt another child.
She has high frutration over things not going right. She gets incredibly frustrated easily over simple things. Like building a tower and it collapses or not being able to do a task. She will go a bit mad stamp her feet, pinch or hit herself at times and shout at herself. I always approach it calmly and before helping explain what happened and its okay we can solve it. Sometimes this works sometimes it doesn't.
What are peoples thoughts on these behaviours and how to approach. Is this just 4 year olds?
She has met milestones on the whole. Although i would say slightly behind on fine motor skills. She can't figure out peddling on a bike, but otherwise gross motor has largely been on track or a bit ahead. Socially she seems ok. She will chat to children and adults happily. Sometimes struggles in birthday parties in unfamiliar places. But so do a lot of children there so haven't considered it an issue.
I am awaiting assessment for ASD. Although who knows if i'll get a confirmed diagnosis. I really don't want to be one of those parents who goes straight for ASD as a goto and i'm not sure if these behaviours are really that or actually just more normal or could be a wider behaviour issue. I also don't think any medical professional would take it seriously enough for referral or assessment. Health visitors are near non existent here and because of her age they're near the not caring anyway. Not sure if GP would even want to know and if this is something they'd deal with.
Anyone experienced sinilar and have any insight.