Fussy eating

[AmyLH5817]

My son is almost 2 and a half. He used to eat everything but since around 18 months old when he was cutting 4 teeth at once, he’s just refused any homemade meals. He eats his weetabix in the morning and any kind of crisp/biscuit snack. He refuses everything else except 12m baby food trays. Now he’s even refusing them. He just pushes his plate away and refuses to try. He literally won’t try anything. I spoke to my HV about it when he was around 20months and she just said it was learned behaviour! Ever since then I have just kept trying things but nothing works. I’m so lost and in a real depression about it. My almost 6 year old son never did this and is a good eater. We always eat as a family. I’ve tried putting safe foods on the same plate such as yoghurt and some crisps but nope he just eats the yoghurt or crisps and pushes the plate away. I’ve spoke to HV’s I work with and she told me to just keep doing what I’m doing. I’m so frustrated with it. He won’t even eat toast and now refuses jam sandwiches. I don’t know what to do. He’s hit all other milestones.

I am not sure how offering crisps and yoghurt during meals is meant to encourage him the other food you offer. It might actually be counterproductive at this point, since it hasn't worked for months.
Crisps and snacks provide calories but zero nutrients. I would remove and hide all the snacks, and make a big of not having them , looking for them , even with him in your arms, opening cupboards together, looking into fridge, and then say, there are none, we have to eat something else. And stick with it.
The safe food concept never was junk food, but respecting food preference, so having broccoli that a child likes at the same time you are offering a courgette, which the child doesn't know.
It is not giving the problematic food, here crisps or biscuit, that will void every attempt to normal food.

My little girl is nearly 2.5 too and she's quite similar. She used to eat everything and anything put in front of her and then slowly she started to refuse. I've learnt recently that this is actually very normal behaviour for children. As they grow older they learn they can say no and have some autonomy over their eating habits. It's also a survival mechanism as they learn to navigate the world on their own they learn to be wary of foods, particularly those with bitter tastes like vegetables.

I think what you're doing js right and you're on the right track. Here are some things I've learnt recently as I've been trying to encourage my little girl too:

• Keep offering foods alongside his safe foods. If his safe foods are crisps and yoghurt then so be it, at least he is getting something in his tummy.
• Exposure is key. Keep exposing him to new foods. I think I read it can take up to 10 exposures for a child to even consider tasting something. We, as parents, generally tend to offer a few times before deciding they don't like it when that's not the case. They just need more time.
• Remove all pressure completely. Don't compare him to your other son, don't reward or draw attention when he eats something new and don't talk about how much he's eaten or how much he hasn't. Just put the food in front of him and let him get on with it. We should be encouraging children to let us know when they are full rather than trying to force them to eat everything on their plates. Children are intuitive eaters.
• Encourage him to try new foods but passively. So as above, don't put pressure on it but instead talk about the food positively at the table. Talk about its smell, texture and taste whilst you eat it as a family.
• Try to limit snacks where you can if you think this is having an impact, but also try not to weight food above other foods. So don't say 'no you have to wait for dinner' as this creates a negative association with his dinner, weighting the snack above dinner rather than listening to him if he says he's hungry. For example, if my little girl wants a snack before dinner I never refuse, instead I give her the option of what she has which will always be a fruit or vegetable based snack, or part of her dinner food if it's already cooked and we are in the process of dishing up or waiting for the rest to cook. That way she is satisfied and I know if she doesn't eat all of her meal it's only because she's full of banana, apple, carrot etc. which is never a bad thing.
• Try to talk about food in relation to what it gives us. So rather than 'no we can't have that it's bad for you' or 'no that's too much sugar'. Say things like 'shall we have this banana as it will give you lots of energy' or 'this chicken will help your muscles grow big and strong' or 'this chocolate will help give you a short burst of energy'.
• When it comes to meal times you choose what goes on their plate, when it goes on their plate and how much goes on their plate and they choose what they eat off their plate and how much they eat. This way they have some control but ultimately you are making the decisions.
• Try including him in food decisions, so when you meal plan you can ask him what they'd like for dinner, and also include him in food preparation. There are some great toddler cooking sets out there you can buy.

Sorry that's quite long, but it's all in my head at the moment because I've been trying to work out how to manage this with my little girl too! I think ultimately it's key to remember that this is normal behaviour, expose to new foods every meal and to just remove any pressure. Keep meal times light and fun and just go with it. Children will start to eat more and trust more as they get older :)

Stop giving him crisps and yoghurts. Just serve what you eat as a family and leave him to it. He'll eat if he's hungry.

Try not to worry yourself too much. I think most toddlers will go through this stage at some point. My son did around the same time and it was incredibly frustrating but he is 4 now and asked for peas and broccoli for dinner last night so they will get over it.

From experience I would personally not put safe foods on his plate unless they are things you actually want him to eat and go with the meal - ie potatoes etc. Even now if I put crisps and yoghurt on my sons plate he would scoff them and leave the rest. You can always offer yoghurts later on just before bed if he genuinely doesn’t eat anything until then, but I think by removing them you will have more success if he knows he won’t get them. At the minute he is getting the option to eat yoghurt or a meal.

I would personally ditch the toddler meals, just cook your normal family meal, ensure you eat together so he can see you all eating it and if he doesn’t eat it, only let him leave the table when you are all finished so he is still watching you all eat. Maybe your 6 year old could tell you how nice your cooking is at the same time? We never spoke about the food or asked him to try, we just spoke about normal things in conversation and often by ignoring it, our son would start to eat little (tiny) bites. Don’t offer an alternative and if he asks, explain his dinner is on the table and that’s what we are eating tonight. It takes time, but I think you will be surprised that eventually he will start to eat with you at meal times.

I would never let my son go to bed hungry so at the beginning I would give him a yoghurt or cereal right before bed, but as time went on I think he realised he was too hungry to wait and then started eating his dinner at the table with us.