Just found out pregnant with second- terrified!

[whyyy321]

Hello- as the title says, I've just now found out I'm pregnant with number 2. DC1 is 2.5. For the 2 years after having them I was erring on one and done because I had such a tough time with ppd. However, things have changed and since maybe November I've felt fully myself again. Over Christmas I was with family who all have 2+ kids and we started to see how lovely it could be. So we tentatively started TTC, and here we are! It took 6m to get DC1 so I think it's partly shock that it's happening so quickly.

I'm feeling very scared, mostly about -

1. getting ppd again (was undiagnosed because I resisted help until I had trauma councilling leading to the improvement in November)

2. when I'll feel myself again

3. I find nursery bugs so stressful, how on earth will I cope with 2??

Looking for some reassurance that it's normal to worry I think, but also that it's worked out well for others who took the leap for a second after ppd?

Thank you, I don't have close female family to talk to about this.

I suffered with quite bad PPD after DD (I've always had a history of depression) and I was diagnosed quite late after denying I had a problem for quite a long time and thinking the way i was feeling was part and parcel of having had a baby. I've always known I wanted 2 DC so when DD was 2.5 we welcomed DS. I did get PPD with DS however I recognised the signs much earlier and knew it wasn't something I had to just put up with and deal with on my own so I had my diagnosis a lot sooner with DS and could use my coping mechanisms I'd picked up from with DD. I got counselling much earlier and put on anti depressants much sooner too which definitely helped but I also knew what I was feeling was OK and I sort of had a hold of how to cope with a baby from DD.
The other thing I think helped was having DD because I almost had to be strong for her and I couldn't just let myself drown in my depression.
It is hard I'm not denying that but I don't for a second regret having my 2 DC. You've got this, you're stronger that you think and congratulations.

Thank you, that's really helpful. Can I ask, do you feel the ppd lasted as long the second time? I'm struggling with the idea of feeling so not myself for 2 years again.

I had ppd first one not the next 3 all good

Congratulations OP!

Tbh OP even without the ppd I think that it takes a good 2 years atleast to feel yourself again, especially if you’re breastfeeding, it’s just the way these things work. But it does slowly get easier.

Our second is 1 and our first is coming up to 4. They are so much fun, 1yo DD has brought so much to our lives. They’re just starting get to the age where they’ll run around and play together more independently and you can hear their laughing all over the house and they’ll make up games etc. It’s a beautiful thing.

I enjoyed my second maternity leave so much than my first as I got to spend more time with DS and he could chat!

Life is also a lot. We’ve reached the point of deciding that we can’t keep 2 full time careers going. I have been surprised by how having 2 has shifted our priorities much more than just having 1.

Nursery bugs though still annoying have been easier to manage, there’s been less of them for DD as she caught a few of the bugs before she was nursery age and having the experience to know when to actually worry is really useful. DS has hardly caught any bugs since being in preschool as his immune system is that much more developed.

Definitely get the chicken pox vaccine as soon as your youngest is old enough though. Superdrug do it from 9months.

I found pregnancy much more exhausting second time round so make sure you have time to rest!

Thanks everyone! @PinkPandaShoes I've read your post a few times, it's massively reassuring. I think especially that it does just take a while to feel yourself again- I have always attributed it to ppd but perhaps I can forgive myself a little more on that front.

I keep reminding myself that it's about the future- a few very hard years to get there. I'm only about 5 weeks so it's a long road with no guarantees so trying to take a step back and go one step at a time.

It's the ppd that scares me the most, I never had really dark thoughts but I cried I think every day for probably the entire time until I went back to work. I just felt so overwhelmed with how much my life had changed- now DC is 2.5 I can see a light at the end of the tunnel more and more every day. So no reason to suppose that won't also happen the next time, maybe sooner as I'll have more routine due to DC1 and hopefully a little pal to focus on (I'm really not a baby person!).

It sounds silly but breastfeeding didn't work with DC1 and I found that very hard because bottle feeding made me feel so limited in terms of planning ahead for feeds if I wanted to go out, but more specifically I hated how I never had a hand free during feeds and couldnt do the whole feet up TV on thing as the milk would need to be in the fridge etc. I had bad advice on the post delivery ward and I just never found my feet with it after that.

I'm just talking out loud now!

Hopeful bump. Having a major wobble, toddler has been wingeing all morning and is back to night waking after a few days of sleeping through. I lost my temper with the toddler and I just don't know how I'm going to cope.

Hi op, i have no advice but am in the same position. Im 14 weeks pregnant with no 2. DD turns two next month and will be 2.5 when baby is here. We cosleep and live in a tiny flat. I also suffered severe ppd, pna and a bad boit of ocd related to death and dying when dd was born and im worried about it happening again.

My DD had quite severe ante-natal anxiety and PPD with her first DC and was very worried about it happening again. Her GP described antidepressants (safe to take during pregnancy and breast feeding) which she started taking during the pregnancy - she found this hugely reassuring and had no problems when her second DC was born.

Thank you, these are useful. I intend to be very honest with midwives at my eventual booking appointment that I struggled before so perhaps some sort of pre natal support will be an option.

I'm so up and down with it, I was pure excitement for my first and it's a shame to feel this way.

I'm mostly scared, I think, about the sleep. My first was an hourly waker until 10m and still often wakes once a night at 2.5 years. It ruined my mental health and I wish I could just relax about it more if/when it happens again.