I need serious toilet training help before I go into complete meltdown

[HarrogateMum]

I have posted on the potty training threads before about one of my 3 year old DTs who resolutely refuses to go to the toilet.

I am on about my 6th attempt to toilet train him because he is about to turn 3 and a half and despite what everyone says about not bowing to peer pressure, I am soooo conscious of his age and the fact that many of his peers have been in pants for well over a year.

He has been in pants for 7 days. In that time he has managed 1 wee and poo on the toilet on day 4. Everything else is on the floor in his pants and trousers. I am certain he has the control because at nursery one day he held on until the afternoon before wetting himself.

He screams and kicks me when I try to take him to the toilet but also refuses the potty. He is very articulate and just says "I dont want to be a big boy mummy, give me a nappy". As I have refused to do this for a week, I feel like I cant go back as its admitting defeat again. But if I dont put him back in nappies I feel like I will just be cleaning up forever.

Please dont anyone shoot me down in flames for anything I've said, I am so down about this and dont know what to do. Does anyone have any ideas, or been through this themselves?

thank yhou everyone. I know I shouldnt feel ashamed. I just cant help it when other children of his age have been trained for a year. I have some acquaintances that turn their noses up every time I see them when they ask "is he not trained yet??" I know I should not bow to peer pressure but it can be tough!

FruitfulofFruit - Thanks so much for the weeing in the bushes tip - DS has just gone outside had probably had his first ever intentional wee - Still a long way to go though but every journey begins with the first step and all that.

Harrogatemum - don't feel ashamed - 8 days must have felt like forever - as everyone says he will get it eventually.

Exactly JAH - nothing to worry about Harrogatemum, you tried it, it didn't work fair enough, back one step try again in a few months. It's amazing how a few months CAN be a turning point!

There is some research too that says that if you or your DH were late in being trained then there's a 25% chance your DS will be too-it goes up to at least 50% if you were both late developers. When I heard that I knew my DD;s didn't stand a chance of getting it before 3 both my DH &I were 4+ when we cracked it!! Somehow it took the pressure off a bit-

Thinking of the peer pressure thing I bet there are loads of things your DS can do that the other lads in pants can't manage as he's so articulate? We each have our different strengths as adults it does make me laugh the way some mums expect kids to be little identikits of each other development wise! To me that's half the fun is seeing how different they are all are.

He is obv just not ready in his own mind. Don't worry about putting him back in nappies. No point in you both being miserable.

My nephew was 4 in Feb and has only really been trained for the last 2 months or so. Just wasn't ready. Then one day he agreed to do a wee in the toilet and said "you know Mummy that wasn't so hard!"

And with regard to comments from friends etc I would just say "I know, he is stubborn and I am sure it will stand to him in the future". End of.

I had the same problem with DD (was 3 in December). She is bright and articulate but seemed to have a block when it came to toilet training. She is now in pants but still has lots of accidents (Yesterday showed signs of improvemnent, fingers crossed). In the warm waether I have had a potty outside and let her run round bare bottomed. TBH with her I think she finds it hard to associate the sensation with needing to go. We sing a wee wee and poo poo song, which she loves and she has a sticker chart. After 5 wees/poos in the toilet/potty she gets a sweet, after 20 she gets a prize.
I totally understand how it feels to watch younger child after child go into pants and youi have my sympathy and support. Good luck!

oh thank you everyone, you have made me feel so much better. He is back tohis happy go lucky self now and I am trying to include him when I go to the loo - asking him to pass me the loo roll and flushing etc just to keep him interested as it were!

Well done HarrogateMum -glad you're feeling less stressed

JAH- I have only just got over the trauma, yes it's on my CV along with the unfortunate incident of the extra packet of sweeties that appeared in my pocket at age 5.....