Let's talk about Sex

[MrsSnape]

I was thinking of buying this for my son. He's 9 but quite naive about sex and when the other kids talk about it he doesn't seem to understand what they're on about.

My problem is, how do I give him it?

Do I just leave it in his room one day and hope he notices it?

Or do I say to him "I've bought you this book, would you like to read it with me?" etc?

I find this kind of stuff quite embarrassing but don't want him to feel the same way.

He doesn't ask me about sex but many times he has indicated that he has been looking through his "human body" book etc

Should I leave it until he actually asks about it or buy him it now?

Why don't you do a half-way house: buy the book now and wait for an opportune moment to bring it out.

I'd start making some casual reference to how he's growing up and will soon be ready to learn about how to become an adult. I wouldn't just jump into the subject, arrange a time with him to start reading the book a few pages a night, together, aloud. Let him ask questions and answer them the best you can.

Let's Talk About Sex is a fantastic book so all the answers are there anyway, which makes it so much easier to tackle.

If you feel embarrassed now, how will you feel in another two years?! Go for it now, it will get more difficult if you don't!

I'm not sure I agree with leaving appropriate books just lying around in the hope that kids will read them. It works for some, but I think if you really want them to understand you have to read it through with them in the first instance then let them browse it as and when they feel the need to check something out. It's best read together so you can share discussion - if he reads it alone it's much harder for him to come to you and say "Mum, about this page..." When you go through it together it just kind of flows.

Good luck!

My DD HATED it when I used to try and talk to her about periods and sex etc. I went and bought 2 books along with a couple of others that were not related to sex etc and also some sanitary towels and deodorant and put them in a bag on her bed. When she got in from school I casually said there were a few bits for her upstairs and she could chat to me about them anytime... worked a treat.

It took a few weeks and she used to keep the books under her mattress so I knew she was reading them.. she is now nearly 13 and able to talk to me quite openly.

Is your ds's dad on the scene? Might be worth passing the buck - you know, father and son thing!
I'd say something like 'if there's something you don't understand when your friends talk about sex, it's okay to ask me about it, or if you want you can have a look at this book and talk to me if you want to.'

I would wait till he asks questions - if his friends are talking about it then he will, if he truly doesn't understand what they are on about, ask you in natural conversation. He may actualy know more than you think but too embarrassed to say or actually not that bothered about it. I think just leaving him a book might lead him to think that it is not something YOU want to talk about whereas I'm sure you want to let him know he can talk to you about anything at all.

For what it's worth my son (then age 8) asked me about how babies are made very naturally during a conversation (can't remember what it was about now!!)so I gave the basics - this goes there, that comes out, sperm meets egg etc, people call it "having sex", you should do it with someone you love very much, a baby isn't made every time and you do it because you love the person etc etc and after the obligatory "eeeeuuurggghh" and "did you and Daddy really do that - TWICE??" that was that really and now from time to time he will ask something - usually about what will happen as he gets older, and now he is in Year 5 they are starting sex education at school, going in to more detail about how bodies change etc. Hope that helps!

I bought this book when DS1 was about 9 (he's now 12),but I felt it was too detailed and he never asked any questions. When it came to sex ed at school I watched the films first and he was happy to talk afterwards.
What I have found though is there is an emphasis on the changes to girls bodies and very little for the boys. I found a great book called Living with a Willy which answers lots of those embarrassing questions boys have when the hormones kick in and the Willy takes on a life of it's own.