Nursery said child has emotionless face

[sunshine2025]

Hi

I have a 20 month old. He's always been super happy, bubbly and friendly in the home environment and spends a lot of time with extended family. Always laughing.

In Jan he moved up from the baby room to the toddler room and seemed the transition was ok. However we have noticed he doesn't really smile in any
Of the photos nursery sent and at drop off and pick up he always looks a bit blank- a bit like a zombie, not sad, not happy... nothing. I half jokingly said to the worker at drop off 'I hope he cheers up with you during the day' and she said 'no, this is his face all day, he's a bit expressionless' and doesn't really listen when it's sit down time- he likes to do his own thing.

I was absolutely shocked and devastated. Every day they've told me he's had a great day. This is the first I've heard he is basically a zombie baby at nursery. She tried to reassure me at pick up that some kids are a bit overwhelmed by it all and it seems like he's having a good time. But I'm so sad to think he's hating it there and has no emotions there.

Anyone got any thoughts about if this is an issue/ could he still be settling in the new room/ should I look for another nursery?

What would you do if you heard this from nursery. I feel heartbroken.

I wouldn't be happy that they were not being truthful with you. Can you arrange a meeting with his key worker to try to figure out what is actually happening?

I'd be asking them what they plan to do to help him settle in and be less overwhelmed. I'd also raise the fact that previously they've been telling you he's had a great day and now it transpires that he's withdrawn in the setting.

Yes. There is also a stay and play next week so I'll get to see him in the nursery setting.

But to check, I'm not over reacting by suddenly learning my child has an expressionless face all day? When that's not the child I know

That’s really unprofessional but let’s me honest these jobs pay peanuts so won’t always attract the brightest people (there are exceptions of course) My opinion (I’m a Mum of 4, a primary school teacher and one of my children has autism - defo not master of any of these titles but just so you know I’m not randomly commenting) is to ask go sit down with the manager and tell them your concerns. I wouldn’t complain because like I said it most likely wasn’t intentional but I think it’s important that they are honest with you. I say that because the lack of expression was one of the 1st things I noticed about my son (later diagnosed with autism and a chromosome abnormality) however, there were more signs than this and if your child shows expression at home then it may just be that they’re overwhelmed at the moment. I would
want to know how they can help your child - smaller room for a while? More 1-1 interaction in the short term etc? If they have ANY concerns of autism then they need to let you know now because diagnosis takes a long time and you cannot access the support you gain from getting a diagnosis easily.

Good luck.

Thanks for this. That's helpful. My son was premature so we've always been on high alert for signs of autism or other health issues as he's higher risk.

She certainly triggered me yesterday as I have a lot of health anxiety about him because of his prematurity. And obviously now I'm convinced there is something 'wrong'.

I do need to speak to someone about these concerns, not least as he's under a paedatrician still every few months to check his development as he was prem- I need to be able to update her on his development - do you think the manager is better than the key worker to speak to about this issue?

I don't know if it means he's hating it and has no emotions? Thinking back to when my DD was that age, often looking blank was more about being overwhelmed or trying to process a lot of new information and I suppose being mentally tired, rather than being sad. I think unhappiness would usually present differently, as in crying or tantrums, although I suppose it depends on the child. Maybe it's just been a lot for him to take in?

Anyway it does sound like the transition has been a bit of a shock to his system and I agree he might need a bit more short-term support.

Nursery once said to us "It's nice to see DS finally start to come out of his shell". After about 2 years there! We said- wait, he has a shell?? This kid is singing dancing, giggling, chatting at home! We actually just laughed it off.

My mother got told by a teacher when i was at school that i didnt have any emotions.
Mums reply was well she is only 3 i dont think she knows what they are yet.

Now way in my 30s i still dont have them as others do so i guess the teacher was right.
I dont cry because of sad stories or films if someone hurts me i just move on without the drama and block.
Im very black and white its more of get to the point yes or no say it how i see it im very blunt and wont sugar coat anything no faffing i wouldent hurt anyone or anything but im not going out my way to make you feel better.
Fall down get back up have a problem sort it.
I think you could chip ice of my heart.
But i do find the funny side to everything very odd.
So i think my teacher saw something that my mum didnt.

To add- years later he is now thriving at school and fine.

What does she mean by expressionless? Have bursery suggested putting him on the pathway for SEN or monitoring him at all? That’s what I’d be concerned with if he’s not joining in, expressionless and not communicating much there. Maybe have a meeting with the nursery manager and see what the issue actually is and what they suggest.

If he is happy everywhere else, perhaps you could look into a different nursery?

Thanks for all the support. Yes I think I'll talk to manager for sure and understand what is actually happening.

I'd be sad too. My son used to hate nursery. He refused to eat or talk there. In every photo he looked incredibly sad. He only went for a hours a week. In the end we pulled him out but I realise not everyone has that option.

It’s brilliant that you’re under specialist care, so were we and that made everything lots easier as they can help make any referrals etc. It depends who the key worker is? If it’s someone at the same level as the person you spoke to before the I would be tempted to still ask the manager, key workers in some setting will know the child inside out, in others they’re just assign a child a key worker in order to fulfil a legal requirement. If you ask for a meeting then the manager should be asking the key workers opinion anyway if they spend lots of
time with your child. ASD is such a broad spectrum but for us along with the lack of expression we noticed he watched things at a strange angle (holding himself over his toys / tablet to look down at it) he also had a very strong need to throw and bash things together (propioception) like cause and effect. His language was a big one at the age your child is, so he had a limited vocabulary and then just stopped using those words at all. If at the meeting the setting raise some concerns please ask them to put it in writing as it is really hard when it’s just your own words as parents, I had health visitors poo poo my concerns for example when I was right.

I really hope your little one is just over whelmed and of course they’ll have an adjusted age due to being premature. If it is ASD then just a reminder that my son is thriving and lots of children do.

My 3yo started nursery in September and is a lot quieter there than at home. She has gradually got more confident but still doesn't like talking in groups - I'm not concerned though, because I am the same as an adult!

No harm in talking to staff but they are probably still settling in... Not all children are extroverts or confident in new settings