Tips on how to keep bums on seats!

[milkymill]

I have two dcs, 3 and 21 months; and meal times are getting increasingly fraught. Try as I might , I just cannot get them to stay at the table long enough to eat a bloddy meal .

Appearing apathetic seems to work some of the time with the eldest, but most days one of them starts messing about and the other follows suit. I don't expect them to sit there for hours using demonstrating fantastic etiquette etc, but would just like to get to the point where they will sit at the sodding table to eat a meal! I think this is just basic manners and very important.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

bloody

Yours are a similar age to mine. I know just what you mean about one playing up and the other following suit (not just meals - everybloodything!).
I always make sure their meal is on the table ready to eat before I put them there, reducing the time they have to sit. (I then faff getting mine and dh's dinner to the table). We talk to them and generally include them in the eating 'experience' - I know it sounds a bit mad, but you can tell they get irritated if me and dh are holding a conversation and they're excluded.
Especially now it's warm, I try not to make all meals at the table, so they're not fed up to the back teeth with sitting in their booster seats. I do them lunch picnic style and let them graze at it in the back garden.
They both have a star chart for eating nicely. Again I fought against the star chart idea for ages thinking 'bloody supernanny - hippy ideas' Have to admit I was wrong. The star chart has worked fabulously.
I also do things like give them an extra bowl with cheese/mayo/salad so they can help themselves and add what they want to their own plate and be 'grown up'. Its all time stalling tactics on my part, but it keeps them amused and quiet, me and dh calmer = them calmer and more eaten.

just curious, why do you think it is "very important" for children of this young age to sit down for a whole meal?
they are still very young tbh and trying to get a 21 month old to sit in one place for long sounds like a lot of hard work tbh.
It is not like you have to get them to sit still otherwise they never will
if you think about how we encourage children to sit down in school and learn for longer periods. we start by trying to encourage the behaviour in little stages and work up to the aim over a number of years.
I would say - praise them when they are sitting down, aim for small small periods of time, allow a gap between courses, and concentrate on enjoying mealtimes (chatting with them, singing, whatever) without turning the dinner table into a battleground
imo

Thanks chrissnow - i will def try giving them a bowl to pick at

Harpsi - when I say 'whole meal' I really do only mean one main course at dinner time. What is this 'courses' you speak of?? . I think not being able to get them to sit still for maybe 15 mins just to eat feels like a real failure of discipline. I do have some stupid hopeful notion that if we can achieve this we can even [whispers]... manage going out for a meal with a bit lees stress.

I wish I knew. Mine's 9 and a half and we still have problems keeping him at the table (sigh).

"I think not being able to get them to sit still for maybe 15 mins just to eat feels like a real failure of discipline."
well it's not!

If its something you really care about, get tough. once they get off their chair their meal is over. Won't take too long for message to sink in, they may be a bit grumpy and whiney about it for a while but will get the message.They won't starve, its not like our kids only eat once a day.

We Do expect our 26 m/o DS to sit on his chair for as long as it takes for tea to be eaten, if hes finished before Dh he has to wait till daddy finishes. He can look at a book or play with a car but hes sat at table with the rest of the family.

I agree with UniS, I expect my 2 DDs, (aged 3.5 and 2 years) to sit at the table for a meal and have done since they were babies. Make it easier on yourself by preparing the food in advance and getting them involved eg, pp's tips re. stuff like grated cheese work wonders. Sitting down with them also helps enormously.

I don't expect them to wait until the adults have finished, especially if it is, say, a long Sunday lunch. But I do expect them to ask first ('please may I get down from the table') and also, once they have got down, they can't get back up.

This will probably sounds a bit bonkers, but a calm atmosphere definitely helps, therefore no talk radio in the background (Radio 3 is nice and soothing!), no toys etc within reason.

Unis and staranise, I am very that your dcs will do that. We always eat together, and it's usually me and dp who have finished first! I will perservere .

Well, my DDs are nearly 6 months older than yours and that can make all the difference so hang in there.

Plus, and this is purely anecdotal (and am not sure whether you have DDs or DSs) but I think girls find it easier to sit for longer than boys. Though perhaps this is just DDs' circle of boy friends

Am still not a fan of mealtimes - nothing makes me happier than getting invited round to someone else's house for tea so I don't have all that faff and mess at home

Superglue

Good advice from staranise - they must say thank you, brfore they get down, and then the meal, for them is over.

Mine now sit and chat, until all have finished, takes ages to train them to do it but do-able if you can stick with it. Lots of praise for baby steps too, sitting on their bottoms with feet forward, lovely manners, etc. All making the time at the dinner table enjoyable.

Social skills are so important, once they have cracked it you can start to eat out without having palpitations beforehand
Sorry for the ramble

So pleased to have read this thread after struggling terribly with dd for the past few days.

Lovely to read that what I'm aiming for is achieveable but that I'm not the only one finding it hard.

Milkymoo, IME it takes ages to get them to stay at the table throughout the meal. Your DCs are quite young so don't feel a failure if you have to remind them several times in 15 mins to get back on their chair.
We used to remind them 'You've got down, does that mean your finished, ok, so I'm taking the plate away now'. They would usually get back up straight away or go and play if no longer hungry.
At an everyday meal, I wouldn't let them back up to finish if they had played for five mins and then asked to come back.
Now they are a bit older we ask them to get down to fetch things from the fridge. It gives them a chance to get down legitimately, feel grown up, and for us to sit longer!