Breastfeeding 11 month old and just found out I’m pregnant.. to wean or not to wean?!

[MimiArtini]

My 11 month old is exclusively breastfed bar of course solids which luckily she’s great with. Has never taken a bottle - not for lack of trying in the beginning months but she kept refusing so I just gave up around 5/6months.

i just found out I’m due with DC2 when she’ll be 18months! I had no plan for weaning from breastfeeding yet - was always going to go with the flow but hope she may wean herself as she became more of a toddler.. I can tell she’s not really into nursing for hunger already but it’s a massive source of comfort and with me she wants milk to sleep or settle when upset. (She’s fine without if it’s DH settling her).

Now I am majorly panicking about the thought of breastfeeding a newborn at the same time! I think it may break me.. but in saying this, it’s currently the go to for getting DC1 back to sleep at night. I’m worried if I wean her I’ll be making bedtimes and wake ups long and painful when now it’s relatively quick to get her back to sleep.

What would you do?

Would also be interested to know if anyone has tandem fed.. how is it?!

I nursed through pregnancy and tandem nursed. This article from La Leche was useful: https://laleche.org.uk/tandem-nursing/

My toddler was down to two feeds, morning and evening, when the baby came along. He reacted very well to the baby, not jealous when he saw the baby feeding etc. BF through pregnancy was very painful for me but worth it in the end - my milk came in very quickly so the baby never lost weight after birth and I was much more confident BF as it just felt like a natural continuity. You may find your toddler stops naturally anyway while you’re pregnant

I'm 22 weeks and still breast feeding my son who is 19 months if you are happy to carry on carry on if not you can wean, I know that when my son first latches it really hurts but then it feels fine x

You might find that they want to wean themselves from BFing naturally as the BM changes, not all do though.

As for the BFing to sleep, you asked what I'd do and it's this. I'd wait till she was 12 months and do some gentle night weaning so that your DP can get her to sleep if you're not there and she's very used to it before DC2 makes an appearance.

Once you've got her might weaned you can have a think about whether you want to wean her completely or not. You might find that she's happy to BF once or twice a day at set times or she may not and you might want to stop

I tandem feed my two (DD 3 and DS 18 months). Breastfeeding through pregnancy was painful at times, and I do think DD was dry feeding for some of it when my milk slowed/dried up, but it didn't feel like the right time for us to stop and I'm glad now I stuck with it and she's still feeding. I struggled with letdown and supply to start with (unsurprisingly a toddler feeding can really encourage a big flow that my newborn DS struggled with) so I actually allocated them a breast each (which they still have now) - this really helped with newborn DS to better manage his own supply and stopped DD from getting all the colostrum first (she said it was yummy!)

So, if you do want to feed both kids, of course you can, I haven't found it particularly difficult, but as with everything breastfed related, it has to be about what you want. It's also ok to not want to tandem feed. I think your DDs sleep is a different issue and would recommend you try and address that before baby number two comes - if you are the 'go to' to get DD back to sleep now, how is that going to work if you're with the baby? I'd therefore suggest you look at night weening, regardless of whether or not you continue breastfeeding. It will reduce the pressure on you when you will understandably be bearing the brunt of the wake ups with the new baby. You say your DP can resettle your DD, so I would just make him do all the night wake ups in the couple of months before birth, so she hopefully settles easier for him. Given she's still so young herself, a lot can happen with her sleep between now and birth anyway, so I wouldn't worry about changing everything now, but I would definitely look to get her less reliant on you during the night in time for the birth

Thanks everyone for the replies - I think the points about night weaning rather than fully weaning make sense.. it’s the nights that scare me the most. I’m planning on reducing DC1s feeds to morning and night only once she’s 1 and then eventually probably just bedtime as I’ll be going back to work soon anyway..

I just have guilt if I wean her earlier than she’d like! Even though I know I need to give myself a break.. I guess I’ll see how stopping nights go and then try a “don’t offer don’t refuse” policy for awhile. I may change my mind and do it more forcefully once I’m more heavily pregnant 😶I also can’t help but have future guilt thinking I’ll not be giving DC2 the same attention if I’m still feeding DC1.. it’s so hard!

I'm due in Aug and still feeding my 15 month old but really trying to cut it out. None through the day, it's just to get him to sleep and I'm transitioning over from feeding to cuddling.
The don't offer, don't refuse is good.
Also try and really emphasise teaching baby the concept of "all gone" - do it frequently throughout the day over various different things until you're sure they get it, then you can say "all gone" partway through nursing. Mine threw himself around for a bit in anger then cuddled me and fell asleep!

Are you planning on stopping completely? I’m hoping maybe once my milk changes mid pregnancy that may help her self wean!

Yes i really really want a little break before doing it all over again with baby number 3!! I've spent the entirety of the last 5 years pregnant &/or breastfeeding back to back!

My second DC self weaned w 12 months. Like you I cut out the feeds until we had 2 left snd then just the night feed. Then he started refusing one breast and 2-3 weeks later the second one and just stopped. So don’t panic yet, a lot can happen in the next months.

My son was 23 months or so and I was about three months pregnant when he weaned - had been a complete milk monster but over the course of a couple of weeks he was less and less interested and I didn’t encourage it. I’m assuming my milk changed taste or dried up. Congratulations!