My dad and I are estranged. Among lies, lack of empathy and interest in his family, the last straw was an affair. My mother was in bits and I confronted him, and consequently he cut me off. He hasn’t made any effort since, apart from to text now and again and remind me that he can do what he wants, including text my children and see them behind my back without checking with us first (when they were 12 and 14)
i have been through therapy over the last two years and have come to realise how self absorbed and toxic my father is and always has been. He kept crossing my boundaries until it became enough and I stood my ground. He didn’t like it. As simple as that.
Despite me standing up for my mother, in the end she decided to stand by him. Her lifestyle with him being more important and she didn’t want to be on her own. I have tried to maintain a relationship with her but it has become all one sided. Slowly it has become low contact, and now we haven’t been in contact for months. She thinks I should just accept he is stubborn, forget about it, and move on, but there is so much hurt, and I need him to care how he treats people. But he doesn’t.
my mother has stopped bothering with my teens as well. Her excuse being that we are always busy, but she never tries. She has just disengaged. She didn’t ask my son about his GCSE results, his prom, or wish him happy birthday on his 16th. She forgot!
I find it hard to understand how parents can cut their family off so easily. I’ve always accepted that they are retired and they have their own lives. I’ve never asked for much. I do believe that my mother just finds it easier to cut us off too, for the sake of her relationship with my father. Which is really sad.