3yo refusing to pee or poo in potty/toilet - help!

[PurpleRabbit]

Wondering if anyone has any tips to persuade my DS, 3.3, to use the potty or toilet? He will happily wear his big boy pants but will ask for a nappy every time he needs to pee or poo. If I refuse he will just hold on for hours until he's so upset I put him in a nappy. We've had him wearing pants all day for about six weeks, and in that time he's only had one accident and that was when I refused to put him in a nappy and tried to insist he used the potty or toilet. He'll happily sit on the potty or the toilet until he needs to do something urgently and then he jumps off and demands a nappy, so it's not that they're uncomfortable for him. He's started nursery now and although they said they'd put him in a nappy if he asks, he won't ask them so twice this week I've picked him up and he's been desparate to pee but holds it in until I get him home and put on a nappy. We've offered him every reward we can think of to do it just once, but that doesn't help either. Should I just give up and put him back in nappies all day? (He wouldn't mind this at all, as he doesn't care whether he wears nappies or pants).

hi purplerabbit - no advice but just saying hello as we happen to be on at the same time.

some times hun u just have to be crul to be kind i had tis with my ds he was the same but in the end it got me down so when he asked for a nappie i didnt let him have one it was very hrd at the time tho he just went off and wet him self i felt soooooooooooooo badat the time tho but i never made a fuss and left his wet pants onhim he was not amused i just told him if u want to be wet all day then go ahead and wee in ur pants he did this a few ties in the end he got so sick of having t stay wet the he finy asked for the toliet and hey presto not looked bk since yaaaaaaaaaaaa lol sounds harsh dont it but u carnt allways give in to them or they will allways want it hope this helps

Thanks kee27 - I've been thinking I probably shouldn't be giving in to him. But the problem is when I don't give him a nappy he doesn't just wet his pants - if he did I would quite happily do what you did. Instead he holds it in, once for eight hours, and by that time he's really upset and I'm worried he's going to give himself a urine infection or something. Yesterday he was desparate to pee after nursery but I didn't have a nappy with me so I said if he wouldn't use the toilet he'd have to wait till we got home. He got so agitated on the way I told him just to do it in his pants, but he wouldn't - he held on till we were home and he was in his nappy.

Hi, Im having a similar problem, my 3yr 2month boy has been weeing happily in the loo for 3 months but refuses to poo, he holds it in is really miserable then it eventually comes out in his pants. He doesnt want to go back to nappies to do it so at a bit of a loss, should we be disappointed or ignore it? Regarding the wee - maybe he just isnt ready. put the nappies back on and try again in a month. We tried 3 times before cracking it. Some just take longer, he is using nappies to do it anyway so you arent going backwards, just stopping him holding it in and getting upset. I would then start the big star chart and stickers and suggest a reward of a toy you know he really wants for 5 potty or loo wees. Any ideas for me???

I have no experience of this but I was reading a book about potty training recently , and apparently this is fairly common. The book suggested that you start by placing the nappy over the potty or toilet IYSWIM and letting your child go that way, and then gradually start moving the nappy further away from the potty so eventually theres only a tiny bit of nappy left on the potty. Worth a try?

am replying for purplerabbit as she doesnt often get on the internet, (and I'm her sister).

She's tried the chart, and the nappy on the potty one but he wont go till its fully on him. yesterday, her dh tried holding the nappy in place but he refused to do anything till it was tied on.

He knows exactly when he needs to go, and he will even go into another room to have some privacy while he poos - she has explained to him that he can all the privacy he wants in the bathroom - he can read a book, sing songs, etc etc he will even happily sit on the potty for hours at a time doing these things, but as soon as he actually needs to go, he gets off and will only go in a nappy.

thanks for the suggestions though.

This all sounds so familiar! I have exactly the same problem and am at the end of my tether! I have a bright, loving, wonderful 3 and a half year old son who wees fine on the loo, but absolutely won't do a poo on the loo. He just does it in his pants and I end up changing him up to 8 times a day. We've tried rewards, getting cross, denying him treats/TV but nothing works. He is quite loose, so he just does little bits throughout the day. He seems to know it's horrible, but carries on. What do I do??????