3yo recently started crying at nursery dropoff

[kisaki333]

She's been going to this nursery since she was 1yo. Not fantastic nursery but not bad either. She never loved-loved it but never really hated it either.
They replaced a few staff a few months ago and since then (but moreso in the last month) she's been increasingly unhappy at dropoff. Also sounds like not that happy while she's there either (although the staff do try and sweeten it up for me, maybe they are afraid I will pull her out)
She keeps saying she doesn't want to go because i am not there with her. She is and has always been a very clingy child. But never this bad.
I guess i am looking for similar experiences? Advice? Anyone managed to get over something similar? It absolutely breaks my heart leaving her there knowing she won't enjoy it.

Can I ask do you know she is not happy there . My Ds would sob often need to be restrained when I left . It was open plan and when I was out of sight he stopped.

He also told me once he had just sat on the carpet all day waiting for me .. Now he has ADHD - he couldn’t have managed it if his life depended on it in it .

i used to say things like when I was eating my lunch I was wondering what you had for yours , i noticed it was sunny and thought great day for going out to play .. never I missed him but he was in my thoughts ..

I would also say if she doesn’t settle do consider moving her but if she isn’t liking the change a whole new setting might be more challenging

@Starlightstarbright4 I can hear her cry long after I've gone out of sight. She does stop after 5-10mins but i get the feeling she's not hapoy even then. First because she tells me. Second, because one of the workers told me as much, I think by accident. Third, every day at pickup i get the usual "she's had a great day today" even as she is sobbing her little heart out when she sees me. And finally she looks pretty sad in ALL the photos they post. You are right that she doesn't do change/transitions well. Which is why i am struggling with the decision to move or not. Might end up worse!
She is quite stubborn so nothing i told her so far works in terms of I'll pick you up soon (she only does 1/2 days), i am thinking of you, we'll play together after etc. She is adamant she can't be happy if i am not there.

And no, she won't start school in sept, it will be the one after.

@Glassofeau what do you mean let alone my daughter? 🤨
You are right. i am not particularly trustful of the nursery as i think they focus on profit rather than well-being. I do trust them for basic stuff (like no abuse, making sure she's safe etc) otherwise i would have pulled her out long ago. I'll start looking again, although we did in the past and couldn't find anything better with open spaces anywhere near...

Think about what you think she needs .. would she do better in a smaller group - a childminder may work better if so .

Were the staff older staff who left ? Does she like the food there ? Does she prefer to be outdoors all the time .

go visit on your own first

@Glassofeau what a nasty, hurtful thing to say. Begone from this thread, you ugly troll!

For starlight: yes, we are considering a childminder at least temporarily, but then it's 100% hit or miss in if she likes the person or not. The ones that left were not old, but were competent and nice. The new ones... meh

I would wonder why the nice ones left. What's going on there?

Your daughter is trying to communicate as best she can, verbally and in her emotional behaviour, that she is distressed there. Even half days is a long time when you're little, and being unhappy makes her miss you even more.

As you don't much like the nursery either - and don't forget, you'll be seeing them at their best and not when you've gone - I'd definitely be looking elsewhere if you can

MOVE HER ASAP

She only has one childhood so don't make the early part unnecessarily miserable.

Btw My DD still sees her childminder but all the nursery staff she knew at her nursery have left.

I'd definitely move her. What have you got to lose? At that age I think they have more of a sense of where they feel comfortable, and it seems pretty clear she isn't happy there. I moved my DS at a similar age because despite the assurances he was fine, i trusted the communication from him that he wasn't happy there. Moving him was 100% the right choice for him-he settled immediately at a different pre-school.

@FarmersWife3 What i am worried about is I move her and it's just as bad or worse. Here she might settle down after a while. At least I know she's safe.
But you are right, it's getting to a point of there's not much to lose...
Thanks for sharing your experience. That's helpful!

@Reugny yes, indeed, like i said it breaks my heart every day to see her so unhappy. If i could, i would keep her home all the time. But i have to work and tbf nursery has helped her development immensely!

Now that she's three, maybe you could consider a school nursery – it might open up some more options? It would depend whether you can manage term time only, or if there's any sort of holiday care for the nursery children available.

@skskkyelark That's a very good point, and we did think about that and visited a few. The holidays would be a nightmare as dh and I both work full time but maybe we could mamage something. But when we visited (several), they basically have 1 nursery class of 20-30 children and 1 teacher. And from what I understand, they also juggle the teachers from primary. But even so, the adult to child ratio seems pretty bad. Would she get any sort of attention or care there? I'm not familiar with the school system here, so I have no idea what's normal or how it works!

not a personal experience but my friend who has a six year old said she had two difficult periods of separation anxiety at nursery drop offs, first at 1 year and second at 3 years. she said when her DS was 3 years and struggling, she spoke to the nursery staff and asked if they could have a 'job' ready for him to do as soon as he went in, so he was distracted and wanted to help. so he would literally go in and key worker would be 'hello! come and help me put these blocks away, say see you later mummy!' and it helped.