Overstimulated mum. My nervous system is shot. HELP.

[littlepurplerose]

I have two beautiful baby girls - eldest 2 years old and youngest 4 months old.

Obsessed with them but my GOD. The constant noise. The MESS. The touching. The climbing. The whinging. The crying. The lack of sleep. The "Muuuuuum". The laundry. The sound of sensory toys.

AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I need a break so desperately. Silenc. Stillness. Solitude. Tidiness.

Yet paradoxically, I don't want to be away from them. And I dread them growing up.

My heads gonna explode...

When does it get easier and what can I do to feel calmer right now?

2 under 2 is going to be hard.

Get rid of electronic toys which make a noise, especially vtec. I think they should be banned by the UN as torture devices. Ear loops. Try to get outside in fresh air as much as possible. Avoid phone and tablet use.

Do you have a routine? I found a routine kept me sane. It included going out of the house twice a day. Once to some baby activity where I might get to chat with adults ( baby music, playgroup, soft play, mums and toddlers coffee mornings etc). Once to go shopping or to the park or for a walk. It keeps the house tidier if you are out a lot. Chatting to other mums can help a bit.

At home, putting on TV for half an hour so I could get dinner ready in peace helped.
Putting on a 5 minute tidy up song and having toddler help put toys in baskets or laundry in hamper helped.

And book a baby sitter so you get a break at least once a week. If you have a partner, take turns to have both kids for a few hours so the other one has a break. Do this every weekend. It saved our marriage.

You're in the trenches right now and it's so hard, when mine were a similar age and youngest would take a occasional bottle I'd take myself to a local hotel swimming pool early on a Sunday morning and then stay on for a coffee afterwards which was genuinely the highlight of my week - do you have a supportive partner to facilitate something like this? Of course it doesn't have to be swimming, a walk somewhere a bit more tranquil would do the trick too, or just doing something that's purely for you whatever that might be.

Then once the youngest was a bit older my husband would instead take them out to the park or soft play on. Saturday or Sunday so I could have alone time at home. The key is to carve out slices of time just for yourself, it's not selfish to do this.

Do you have a husband/ partner? What we did was make sure that make sure that every evening I got time to go for a bath and a bit of a chill. It helped me just have a bit of space, especially on maternity leave when your life is only children.

Get out of the house as much as you can. Wrap up and go for a walk. Get to play groups. Your youngest will be entertained by what's happening around her.
Should also help with sleep. Good luck. It does get less intense.

You need to to prioritise what you listen to have a couple of breaks in the day somehow sleep break por at least get outside. It will change how it looks as they grow but it doesn't get 'easier' Dont overlook the good times grab those with both hands they outweigh all the 'whinging!! etc'

With you in solidarity OP, 5 year old and 4 month old here and some days I feel absolutely frazzled especially in the evenings with all the noise and touching.

My cat came over for a cuddle last night after they went to bed and I told him to go away 😂 didn’t want anyone else on me!

I agree with whoever said get rid of electronic toys . Spend as much time outside as you can, apart from anything else you create less housework if you are out. I used to have something planned most days eg informal groups, trip to bottle bank, supermarket, maybe getting in the car and going to a new park or beauty spot and would have lunch at home and in the other part of the day go to a local park.
I tried to avoid the car for costs but also because I was exhausted for months and there was a high chance of me nodding off.

The lack of alone time was something I also struggled with. Once they get to school age that gets much better but in the mean time can you schedule a couple of times a week when your partner can look after kids while you go out? For me a swim or a short run alone makes me feel so much better. Even popping to the local corner shop "to get some bread" was a quick way to get a snippet of quiet alone time.
As others have suggested, taking the kids out and about in the fresh air will help with their sleep and will make them and you calmer once you get home, plus give you a chance to escape the noise and clinginess and have a change of scenery.
When at home it's your house, you can make rules. I can't stand electronic voices or noisy toys so we don't have any. You can do the same. We have no mess because the kids have been taught to put away the previous toy before getting out the next one. No whinging because whinging never is successful here. Only asking nicely gets them what they want. TV is on if they are watching it, but turned off if they are playing, never just on in the background. You can create the kind of home environment you are happy to live in. It is in your power.
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with people having noisy, messy homes if that what makes a happy home for them. But, if a calmer, quieter, tidier home would make you happier, then you can put measures in place to create one.

Cannot echo enough the other posters saying get rid of electronic toys. My 3 year old has never had any and he's not missing out in the slightest. They make enough noise without them! I far prefer the sound of him playing with toys and chattering away making up little stories than I do the sound of some bloody stupid beeping talking thing.

Also going out as much as possible. Everyone is happier outdoors. My son plays so peacefully when we come home from the beach because he's so happily exhausted all he wants to do is just play quietly with his toys.

Please look into l-theanine supplements....I use them for this very reason 🤪

I’ll see your 2yo + 4mo; and raise you a 4yo, 2yo + 3mo 😂

We only have wooden toys in our house, anything noisy or messy (magnetic sand, play doh and keyboards- thanks Auntie A!) goes straight to Nana’s house.

All things Cocomelon are banned. We only watch approved programmes/ Disney films at meal times and then TV goes off as soon as they are finished.

We have plenty of garden toys to keep them amused when it’s dry.

Mummy doesn’t really do play, but I’ll happily do cuddles and 25 stories in a row. We are big on reading.

Baker Ross crafts are great because they are just stickers, so really easy and no mess.

We have a small indoor wooden climbing frame with slide, which is played with everyday.

And my MIL has the oldest 2 on Mondays so I can meet my friends for lunch/ get my nails done etc.

Sending solidarity.

Wow. I'm inspired. I think it's super refreshing to hear a mum executing boundaries like this. I always feel so much pressure to "play" and it's bloody exhausting.

X

I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old.
I will play with the 3 yo as his sibling isn’t old enough to and I feel that’s not his fault. But I’ll do it on my terms. If the housework is done and in short bursts. I actually find I end up enjoying it if it’s on my terms!

agree bin all electronic toys that give you a headache

controversial but get them their own iPad and headphones. My toddler will sit down for a little while and that way with a headset I don’t have to hear his nonsense!

put the 2 yo in a preschool if you can even part time. Has done my 3 yo the world of good and means I spend time with the baby (also in more silence!).

go outside. Once or twice a week I’ll take them out for a walk or to a park. I also allow and will pay for one baby/toddler group a week (3 yo at preschool 3 times a week).’toddler also does swimming lessons.

I had 3 under 3.
My main tips were:

1. Outside every single day for at least 2 hours. Get great waterproofs. If the weather was really really bad we would go to a big museum or somewhere else we they could run around.
2. Get them walking running as much as possible
3. We had no screens hardly at all. Watch TV about twice a week. This month they were very good at self entertaining.
4. I used to go out once a week with friends to the pub or a meal without kids.
5. We had no family nearby so you used to do very regular babysitting swaps with another couple so that we could go out as a couple as well. Talking about the children was absolutely banned.
6. I went to every playgroup going on top of the hours outside. Some of them weren't great but I met some of my favorite people in the world and I'm still great friends with them.
7. Fuck having a perfect house.
8. Fuck playing small play. All that happens is you get shouted at for doing it wrong. I could quite merrily be somebody at the crap cafe that nobody ever gave you what you wanted but I refused to be a Spiderman toy or a doll.
9. Do stuff in the garden if you have the chance as much as possible. Basically knacker them out.

10. Try and get a massage/acupuncture treatment/reflexology as often as you can afford.

11. All noisy or messy toys were absolutely kicked out the house.

Maaaate I can relate. The noisy toys. The yelling. The constant questions. The tv. Alexa. Pets running around. The radio on. The fighting...

I found out recently that our ability to tolerate noise as we get older is reduced. (Sorry v unscientific explanation)

It is hard!
Lots of people seem to like noise cancelling headphones
Or maybe earplugs where you can still hear them but not as clearly!

Don't dread them growing up. Each new stage brings something lovely which you'll miss if you're pining for the baby days. It's wonderful to see them master things and move on. It's wonderful to reach to the goal of enjoying their company as adults. There's nothing to dread.

This is going to sound odd but I had a "mumma doesn't hear wingeing" and he learned early on I just did hear that stuff he had to use a normal tone and voice.

This wasn't about not being emotional or having feelings etc but just not default that whingy thing that becomes default.

I also had a calm down step, not a naughty step. Where we'd go and breathe and chill if we needed to regulate and he learned to take himself there sometimes, but I also would say "mumma needs a minute on the calm down step" and sometimes I'd be left and sometimes he'd come and sit with me (quietly) and just rub my back.

Others have great suggestions but these were two things that worked here.

:)

Mine are 9, almost 3, 16 months and six weeks. It’s hard, eventually it’ll get easier. I tell myself that everyday 😂

Good luck, you’ve got this,

We also have the ‘I don’t understand whinging, you’ll have to speak normally if you want me to listen’.

I read somewhere that it’s really good to teach your kids that you have needs too e.g. ‘mummy’s just read you lots of stories, so now I’m going to have a rest and drink my tea’. ‘’Mummy’s eating her breakfast now, you’ve already had yours, so you’ll have to wait until I’ve finished to peel your orange.’ Etc

I'll see your 2 yr old & 4 month old, and raise you a 24, 21 & 16 yr old, all girls, all living at home, all hormonal and a teenager with more attitude & sass than the eldest 2 put together 🤣🙈. Girls are hard work. Enjoy your babies lol x I echo what everyone has said about getting out into the fresh air and dont feel guilty about not playing all day everyday, babies learn alot by playing by themselves .